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To not go to my best friend's 40th. A real dilemma- opinions please

(46 Posts)
michelleclaire Sat 06-Oct-12 18:28:43

Ok, this really is a dilemma for me, so any opinions gratefully received. Bit of a long story but will make it short..

My best mates bday in 3 weeks time and it's a big one, the big 40.In April this year it was her wedding and at the hotel afterwards one of her close friends started trouble. Came back totally pissed n tried to kick down my room door, with me and my 4 year old inside, shouting some crap about that her partner was inside ( total nonsense). She frightened the hell outta me and my kid and the police were called as she was causing trouble elsewhere in the hotel. She had found the missing partner and was attempting to beat them up.. Nice eh.

So, best friend's 40th in 3 weeks and she has invited above crazy mate. It will be a small gathering so I won't be able to avoid. I have texted my friend and told her I don't feel happy about going and that her mate totally overstepped the mark, frightening my son. Told her i'm happy to meet seperately n do something together that wkend.. but her silence would now suggest she's totally pissed off. Should I just go to keep the peace?

AIBU??

Euphemia Sat 06-Oct-12 18:32:06

I wouldn't go! If your friend takes the hump, she's no friend at all.

Groovee Sat 06-Oct-12 18:32:13

I wouldn't want to be in the company of someone who'd threatened me.

babesdontlie Sat 06-Oct-12 18:33:40

Unless the crazy mate apologises to you beforehand I wouldn't bother going.
I would, however, ring the friend who's birthday it and talk things through, she may just be peed off that you declined the invite by text.

hoopieghirl Sat 06-Oct-12 18:34:01

I personally would not go - take it alcohol will be involved and her classy mate could well get pissed again and kick off. You don't need the hassle tbh

RunRabbit Sat 06-Oct-12 18:34:49

Does she have form for this or was it a one off where she was so drunk she did something out of character?

michelleclaire Sat 06-Oct-12 18:35:24

she did send a text apologising, which normally I would have accepted. Am just so annoyed that my son was in the room and could've got involved in the fighting if i'd opened the door to her.

Kalisi Sat 06-Oct-12 18:36:06

If this is indeed your best mate, there is no way I would miss her 40th Birthday party. However if you are indeed her best mate, what the hell is she doing inviting someone who threatened you?"!! Don't go, the relationship seems one sided.

michelleclaire Sat 06-Oct-12 18:37:06

Far as I know she has form. Really nice girl except when she's drunk. Got arrested last year on a girls nite out with my mates. Known to have been violent to her ex

MmeLindor Sat 06-Oct-12 18:37:26

Could you arrange to meet the crazy mate (without your son) before the party so that you could talk openly.

Walkacrossthesand Sat 06-Oct-12 18:37:28

Did you discuss with her, what happened @ her wedding, in between then & now? She might not really know, busy being the bride etc. If not, maybe it's time you did...

SomersetONeil Sat 06-Oct-12 18:37:41

You texted your best friend to say you don't want to go to her 40th...?

michelleclaire Sat 06-Oct-12 18:40:18

agree i should have called. Have told her exactly what happened n she seemed to laugh it off, downplay it as her mate just being drunk etc

expatinscotland Sat 06-Oct-12 18:41:57

I wouldn't go. The crazy mate is liable to get drunk and violent again.

OldBagWantsNewBag Sat 06-Oct-12 18:44:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TalkinPeace2 Sat 06-Oct-12 18:44:25

Depends on the type of party TBH.
CALL your friend and discuss it, properly, think how to stop her other friend wrecking another party.

Narked Sat 06-Oct-12 18:45:53

She laughed off a drunken woman screaming and trying to kick your door in when you were inside with a 4 year old? And having to have the police called because the same woman was being violent?

No way would I be going anywhere near that party.

MmeLindor Sat 06-Oct-12 18:46:02

If she has form for this then I can understand you not wanting to go.

My DB had a friend who had a reputation for being a grabby drunk. He was really vile to some of my SIL's friends at her 40th, and despite being my DB's 'best friend' was not asked to be Best Man at DB's wedding. He was v pissed off about it, but DB said that he was not risking it.

Pixieonthemoor Sat 06-Oct-12 18:48:04

I would not miss my close friends 40th for this nutcase!! She is totally in the wrong, behaved in an utterly disgusting manner and clearly has a problem when she has a little alcohol on board but what are you - woman or mouse?! There will be other people around and you can all make this face hmm together if she kicks off. Don't let this fruitloop spoil your fun!

marriedinwhite Sat 06-Oct-12 18:48:45

Why didn't you just say "I would have loved to come but unfortunately I have already accepted another invitation for that day". End of. Why rake up the nasty friend. Nod and smile, nod and smile and avoid.

Narked Sat 06-Oct-12 18:48:58

So the woman was arrested on a 'girls' night out with this friend, had the police called to deal with her behaviour at the friend's wedding and had been violent towards her partner or at least one other occasion. And your mutual friend thinks it's no big deal? shock

RunRabbit Sat 06-Oct-12 18:52:15

Is getting a sitter for your DS an option?

michelleclaire Sat 06-Oct-12 18:53:29

Hi RunRabbit, yes my DS won't be going to this party, will be with sitter

helenthemadex Sat 06-Oct-12 18:54:35

I would probably have put in an appearance but made my excuses and left early before the nut job got drunk, or been honest with your bf and told her that you would leave early as you do not want to risk nut job getting drunk and having a go at you, because you found it frightening last time and so did your don

I used to have a friend like this lovely as anything when sober, a complete and utter nightmare when drunk always looking for fights

thebody Sat 06-Oct-12 18:56:09

I presume your child won't be going?

I would go as its tour best friend and crazy lady had apologised.

Just be prepared to distance yourself for a quik exit if things start kicking off.

Have to say tho if your mate can't have mature friends who have learned to hold their drink by 40 that's a bit daft.

If this is the circle she generally socialises with you may need to move on as they sound childishly stupid tbh.

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