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AIBU?

To bring the puppy into our room to sleep?

65 replies

D0oinMeCleanin · 06/10/2012 10:31

Not on the bed. He did eventually, last night settle by my side of the bed, next to the radiator on the floor. If I brought his bed there he would settle there.

He settled there after me being up at 2am, 3-4am, and then again at 5am. I was at work yesterday lunch time and evening. I am at work again the same today. I am catching up on all the house work tomorrow because DH is injured or not, probably not

He has issues with being apart from me. I am the source of his fun, walks, games, training, food and affection. While DH is is alone the pup effectively shuts down because he knows there is little chance of any attention any how so he stays in his bed. When I am in all hell breaks loose.

He now stays calmly in his bed or settled on the sofa during the day, after two days of training. He knows he only gets interaction on my terms now so no longer mauls me continuously throughout the day. He still likes to be close to me.

DH did nothing for the pup last night despite having today and tomorrow off to sleep all day. He is saying I am not allowed to bring the puppy into our room so I can get some much needed sleep. He also will not help reinforce pup loving his bed while I am at work meaning any training I am doing with him is taking three times as long.

He is willing he says, to go and buy a crate because I have expressed interest in crate training the puppy. He thinks the pup will just automatically love being in the crate and will sleep soundly tonight in the dining room in his new crate with no training what so ever because Google told him puppies like crates bullshit, pup would howl the house and destroy the crate in minutes

AIBU to utterly discount DH's views on the basis that he is a twat and bring the dog into our room tonight anyway?

OP posts:

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LST · 06/10/2012 10:43

IME you need a crate and puppy stays downstairs. My 14wo collie is in his crate in the kitchen at night and if we go out. He is fine.

Keeping a puppy with you because they want to will do more harm than good. Research separation anxiety.

LST · 06/10/2012 10:44

YANBU btw. It's your puppy after all Enjoy!

theodorakis · 06/10/2012 10:46

The only time we have ever come close to splitting it has been over animals. If he feels strongly I would at least listen to his views. Post on the dog house and ask for advice. best calm down a bit first because they really do know a lot more than you. In my opinion, this is about how you feel and the intimacy and love you are seeking, not what you think is best for the puppy. Not a great start to dog ownership, you may well end up with a biter, hope you don't have any kids. A large proportion of the dogs I have fostered were mummies little baby until the kids came along. They are often a complete pain in the neck.

schoolgovernor · 06/10/2012 10:46

Don't take this as an attack, what made you decide to get a puppy when your husband obviously has no interest in it? Surely anything you do needs to have the support of both of you? It seems so sad that when you are not in the house the puppy gets no attention. Who walks it?
I think proper crate training is a really good idea, but worry about how your husband might use/misuse the crate, especially when you're not there.

GoldShip · 06/10/2012 10:46

Puppies don't like crates, contrary to one anyone says. They are trained to like them, but its a case of them having to which is why I really don't like crate training and have done other methods with my 3 dogs., which are big white beautiful boxers so as you can imagine it was a bit tough.

If you want to take the puppy in your room, then do so! He's a puppy, they need love and affection.

D0oinMeCleanin · 06/10/2012 10:47

I know what SA is. I also know you need to expose them gradually to the crate. He is not a tiny pup. He is 11 months, we are the fourth family he has lived with. He needs gentle training.

Once I got the crate I would train him to accept being it for short periods of time alone, gradually building up, then I would slowly move the crate out of our room and back into the dining room.

Just buying a crate and locking him on it from day one would traumatise him.

OP posts:

LST · 06/10/2012 10:47

How old and what breed is the puppy op?

theodorakis · 06/10/2012 10:49

I don't think he stays in his bed when alone with your other half because he feels neglected and unhappy. it is more likely the calm person who isn't anxious and needy around him makes him feel secure. Not even hinting at pack theory before the doghouse people kill me, I agree it is not the way to train.

LST · 06/10/2012 10:49

Goldship I didn't train my pupp. He went in on his own and went to sleep. So I'm afraid you're mistaken.

GoldShip · 06/10/2012 10:49

Fourth home? Bless the poor little mite. Good on you for taking on this dog too. I think your idea is a good one, if you are set on crate training.

D0oinMeCleanin · 06/10/2012 10:51

SchoolGov, the foster people rang DH about the puppy he thought "Ooh sighthound puppy, it will be just like my Whippy" and told them to bring it round, the first thing I knew about it was when it was already on it's way here.

Well, it's not like his whippy, it had a traumatic start to life with many, many homes and a stint in the pound. It's also not a full sighthound, it is a collie x imo. It looks and acts like a collie x.

I do not like collies. I do not like puppies. I don't like the hardwork. However now puppy is here I love him and I am fully prepared to put in the work he needs.

OP posts:

theodorakis · 06/10/2012 10:51

You don't want advice from experienced dog people, you just want people to agree what a bastard he is. Good luck. Like I said, if you want help about dogs, post in the dog house

GoldShip · 06/10/2012 10:51

LST - yes because I'm sure most people's dogs would wander into the crate and NOT chew the sofa/table/walls whilst they went out...

It's a different case them being locked in, and being able to go into one of their own accord like yours did.

schoolgovernor · 06/10/2012 10:52

My dog uses her crate with the door open, always has. All I did, when she was a puppy, was provide a nice snuggly bed with a heat pad underneath and some toys. I also made sure that everyone knew that when she went in there she was to be left alone so that it became her peaceful place. She takes herself to bed there every night.

LST · 06/10/2012 10:52

He is locked in. He would destroy everything if he was left for more than 5 minutes.

GoldShip · 06/10/2012 10:54

The dog might like going in and sleeping, being able to go in and out. You're not telling me that they like being locked in it. To me it's a simple case of keeping an animal caged and I don't agree with it

But if it works for you and you're both happy then live and let live :)

theodorakis · 06/10/2012 10:56

For fucks sake, who cares whether LST chooses to keep her dog in a crate or not. happy healthy dogs who are loved and wanted and not owned as a surrogate baby or status symbol are bloody lucky to have a decent home. Crates don't kill them and are usually applied with love and care.
people are so holier than thou. Who actually cares as long as they are responsible decent forever home dog owners?

LST · 06/10/2012 10:56

So you would prefer me to let him roam freely and get either beaten up by my cats or chew something he shouldn't and hurt himself?! I don't see who people don't 'agree' it is safer for all concerned.

LST · 06/10/2012 10:56

How not who sorry.

2blessed2bstressed · 06/10/2012 10:57

I think you're storing up trouble for yourself I'm afraid. As other posters have suggested, try asking in the Doghouse for some advice.
Good for you though, for sticking with a pup who's had such a difficult start to its life

theodorakis · 06/10/2012 10:59

anthropomorphising much??? I feed my crated foster pup gruel just so he knows where he stands. He has written to his MP to complain about his canine rights but is still waiting for a reply.

HelgatheHairy · 06/10/2012 10:59

Why are you getting up to him? Surely that just teaches him that if he whimpers/cries/barks you get up and give him attention. You may need tough love and just let him cry it out for a night or two.

I have a 5 month old golden who never cried at night till last week. (I got up one night to let him out to poo and now he thinks ill do it every night, he doesn't need to poo just wants to play), so I'm going to have to do this till he settles again.

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GoldShip · 06/10/2012 11:01

Theo - haven't I just fucking said 'if it both works for you and you're happy...' Oh I forgot I'm not allowed to disagree with the majority when it comes to dog training am I! 'Crates are usually applied with love and care' you know this how? Stats please if you're going to bat around a fact like that, I know from my personal experience that some dog owners find them an easy way out to lock their animals in when they can't be arsed. Whereas its supposed to be a process of easing in. I'm sure a lot of people on here do it properly because they've an active interest in raising dogs properly, and I think LST obviously is one of these.

LST - no but it's something I'd think about before getting a dog that I'd have to lock in a cage to keep safe. My 3 are safe, and don't chew because I've brought them up and trained them not to. I couldn't bring myself to lock an animal in a cage just so I can keep it as a pet. But like I said twice before 'if it works for you...'

Sorry OP, derailment here.

theodorakis · 06/10/2012 11:04

Well I am currently on foster dog no 52. How many dogs have you had? I also have 5 permanent dogs and 5 cats, a parrot and a foster duck. I am not saying i know everything but you are not queen of the dogs.

LST · 06/10/2012 11:04

I am training him gold. And I'm sure in a few months years at this rate he'll be out of his crate. It took my mum 6months with her border terrier but 3 years with our staffy we had as a child.

And I do do it properly. He is never in there when we are in the house (except nighttime).

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