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To have told my cousin to get a job rather than just living off the tax payer?

(66 Posts)
CrapBag Sat 06-Oct-12 08:13:06

My cousin is a bit of a layabout. She is 18. She did go to college but got kicked off the course after many many opportunites because she simply could not be bothered. She is the laziest person I know. She has never had a part time job because she never bothered and her mum didn't push her to get one ("whats she suppose to do" was her mums attitude yet her DS had to do paper rounds and get a job at 18 so he could pay rent hmm).

Now she was 18 a few months ago and was kicked off her course a couple of months before that. She hasn't been looking for a job, despite what she tells me. Her mum has the attitude of "I don't see why she should do that if she doesn't want to", which seems to be to any job but this was in response to my other aunt suggesting that my cousin try in a supermarket. She gives her money each week for doing bits of housework which she has raised as her DD doesn't have enough money apparently. Her mum has just taken her to the job centre to sign on. Her FB status said something about signing on so she "now has money lol" (her words). I said fine but I hoped she was looking for a job as living off the taxpayer was not a lifestyle choice. Ok, maybe patronising but as her own mother doesn't seem to give a shit if she lives off benefits, it bugs me when hard working people lounge about because jobs are not what the want to do, when they don't even know what the want to do. This is NOT benefit bashing at all. I only read in the paper yesterday about a man had applied for 900 jobs to try and support his GF and son but couldn't get anything but my cousin has applied for nothing.

She commented that she has to keep going to the job centre to sign on and do forms and she is looking so I shouldn't "piss her off". I suspect I hit a nerve because she isn't doing all she can and no one else seems to say it to her. She lays in bed until god knows what time then gets her mum to drop her over to her latest lad that she is obsessed with (and I do mean obsessed). Her looking would involve her looking at what is available and saying "I don't want to do that/I can't do that/I can't get there with her mum agreeing with al that she said.

I do know that it is nothing to do with me but when everyone else in the family just says things but no one will actually say it to her, I am the only person who will speak up. Her own mother is no help at all and has always 'let' her be lazy and totally bone idle.

Soditall Sat 06-Oct-12 09:25:22

I know how you feel.I have an 18 year old niece who decided to not bother at school,didn't stay on for six form.

My poor brother(he's really ill and still working even though he shouldn't be)supported her when she said she wanted to go to college and study hair and beauty.He spent a small fortune buying all the bits she needed.She lasted a few months and then quit.

Since she was 16 she's flitted through a few months at college,a few jobs she's lasted at for a couple of days to a few weeks.

It really worry's me an annoys me,this has been going on for 2 years now.

I'm disabled now and seriously ill,I'd love to be able to work.

Your aunt really needs to give her daughter a push in the right direction because there's no saying this will be short lived.My brother was sure when they gave my niece all they're support for college and she was so keen that it would last,2 years later and nothing has stuck.

My 16 year old is in 6 form now studying and helping teach another girl in his year English(not her first language) and he's going on a course to help the community in the holidays and looking for a job.So it's not all young people.

Whitecherry Sat 06-Oct-12 09:26:42

Anyway, the jobcentre will sort her out.... She will be forced onto courses and to apply for jobs..... Or her miney ( which she will now start to rely on) will be stopped

Whitecherry Sat 06-Oct-12 09:27:02


Brycie Sat 06-Oct-12 09:27:24

It's your business. If you're working, your'e paying what Cecily calls pockt moneyt. It IS your business.

littlemisssarcastic Sat 06-Oct-12 09:33:56

How does your aunt find the time to drive your cousin around, if your cousin refuses to get a bus?

fuckadoodlepoopoo Sat 06-Oct-12 09:34:47

The main thing that pops out at me is that the son and daughter are treated differently which i find disgusting.

OhDearSpareHeadTwo Sat 06-Oct-12 09:41:36

she is only just turned 18, she has plenty of time to decide what is suitable for her...

I went and got a waitressing job at 18 when I dropped out of university. My Mum & Dad made it very clear that they expected me to contribute to the household and pay my own way in life. It wasn't what I wanted to do (in fact I had no idea what I wanted to do). It turned into a career that lasted for 10 years and still brings me in £150 a week for a "weekend job".

If you can't be arsed to get a job how will you find what you want to do ? And if she is 18, lazy, has no qualifications and no experience she's not exactly going to be embarking on some glittering career, is she ?

FunnysInLaJardin Sat 06-Oct-12 09:42:49

I think that you should let her get on with her life and you get on with yours. It really isn't anything to do with you

I'm a bit gobsmacked that people think its normal for teenagers to take a bit of time doing nothing while they decide what they want to do. Is that really commonplace? Genuine question btw, never heard that before. Nobody I know signed on after school or college so they could have a break. A lot of people took a while deciding what they wanted to do but took jobs in bars or wherever in the meantime. I worked in an egg factory and a chinese takeaway while I decided what to do.

Its a difficult one. I understand that she doesn't want to do a job she isn't interested in but sometimes you have no choice. Exdbil always felt that it was beneath him to work in a low paid job and kept applying for 'good' jobs even though he has no experience. He's 28 now and has never worked, doesn't understand that there are people with 10 years more experience applying for the same jobs and is living with his parents. He gets no benefits now and is completely dependent on family. At this stage he will struggle to get even a minimum wage job. I really think that the only person who can change it is your cousins mum. As long as she gives her money she has no incentive to earn her own.

OhDearSpareHeadTwo Sat 06-Oct-12 09:49:46

It's everything to do with all of us that pay tax, Funnys. It really pisses me off that I pay a fortune in tax to support people that, for want of a better word, can't be fucked to even try and get a job. DH work all hours under the sun to try and improve our lot in life, I work 24 hours in a just-above minimum wage job on top of my normal job so that we can do more than just pay the bills. So I know what it is like to work in a physically hard, shittily paid job - in fact I did it all my life until I joined the police. It really grates on me than 20% of that extra income I work had to earn goes in tax to support people like the OP's cousin

People with disabled children are having their benefits and amenities cut all over the place while workshy "youth" who can't be bothered to get up in the morning get given money for doing absolutely fuck all.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts Sat 06-Oct-12 09:49:53

My nephew is 23 and has a job in a pub...but his Mother does his shopping and takes it to his house on the bus! I expressed some shock and my Mum defended it to the hilt.

my Mum never did MY shopping when I was bloody 23! I was on my own in London, going to Uni and working in a terrible nightclub in Covent Garden!

Soditall Sat 06-Oct-12 09:53:43

legsinwoolytights do you think it's because he's a boy!

When I was 16 I worked full time and gave my parents nearly all my wages mean parents!I also did jobs round the house and did the shopping,guys the same age I worked with gave they're mum's about £20 a week and were waited on by they're mums.I was paying £150 a week

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Sat 06-Oct-12 09:55:12

I have a couple of cousins like this, it is actually embarrassing to be related to them. They had babies deliberately to avoid having to get a job, as did many of the friends in the area they live in.

Their Mum, my Aunt, is as hard working as it gets, but I blame her entirely. I think she always worked so hard doing shitty jobs to the point that it is actually bad for her health, that she never wanted her children to have to live like that and has passed on an attitude that they are too good for cleaning work or shelve stacking at Tesco.

There is nothing anyone else can do about the choices that adults make. I just hope the current benefit reforms go far enough that people who are simply lazy don't get given that option any more.

Timetoask Sat 06-Oct-12 10:03:14

she is only just turned 18, she has plenty of time to decide what is suitable for her...
Surely not the right attitude to have when you have no experience.

So according to you, whilst lying on the sofa she will suddenly get a message from heaven telling her what to do? You don't just find your interests by doing nothing. Shame her mother is not encouraging her more.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts Sat 06-Oct-12 10:06:10

sodit it could be! If I moan about DH not doing things or doing them badly, she says "Well he's a MAN.....they just don't KNOW about certain things."


Whitecherry Sat 06-Oct-12 10:07:41

She has been kicked off numerous courses......she needs a shortt,sharp,shock.....she is after all,an adult!

YouMayLogOut Sat 06-Oct-12 10:15:49

> I think that you should let her get on with her life and you get on with yours. It really isn't anything to do with you

^ This.

Brycie Sat 06-Oct-12 10:17:19

I don't mind people getting on with their life in a lazy way so long as my children aren't paying for it! As they are, I do, and it most definitely is to do with all of us.

marriedinwhite Sat 06-Oct-12 10:18:19

It is the business of every taxpayer in the country. The girl is 18; she is fit and well; she is not working. It is her choice not to work but having made that choice she should not be receiving benefits. She has put nothing in; she has a home; she has parents on whom to depend. If the parents don't want to afford her the luxury of deciding and having a little break then I don't see why the taxpayer should.

BTW I have an 17 year old (almost 18). He is at school. He has an allowance. He is able to earn about £50pcm to top up his allowance by doing a bit of babysitting. In the holidays he can pull down £50.00 a morning by caddying - because he got himself on the list; is reliable and prepared to turn up at 7.30.

sashh Sat 06-Oct-12 10:18:54


Print of a screen shot and send it to the job centre. If she is not ill then it is a condition of her benefits that she is seeking work.

fuckadoodlepoopoo Sat 06-Oct-12 10:20:41

soditall 150 a week! I think that's extortionate. You could have got a mortgage for that!

TakeMyEyesButNotTheGoat Sat 06-Oct-12 10:23:35

My step sister is just like your cousin OP.
She's 22, never had a job and quit her college course after 2 months. Now she's pregnant after TTC with her boyfriend who also has never worked (he's 23).

She keeps banging on about why she hasn't been given a house (but she has been given a flat) and why should she have to climb 2 flights of stairs at 30 weeks pg.

Very entitled girl. But I blame my father and step mother. They are life long benefit claimants who actively encourage their children to try and get everything for nothing.

I'm so thankful I was brought up by my DM, a single working parent to 4 children. My brothers and I have a strong work ethic.

My other step sister has 5 kids, never worked or been to college but the job centre has just made her boyfriend get a job! grin

fuckadoodlepoopoo Sat 06-Oct-12 10:25:33

If I moan about DH not doing things or doing them badly, she says "Well he's a MAN.....they just don't KNOW about certain things."

Uergh . . . I had a friend recently being shocked when she asked if i raise my boy differently to my girl and i said no of course i bloody don't! It started as a conversation about who does the housework where it became cleared that she thinks women should do it all even if they work full time. I was so shocked because even though i knew she was a little old fashioned i didn't realise it was that extreme. So she is raising her children to believe that women wait on men. confused

RobynRidingHood Sat 06-Oct-12 10:25:54

This is why they should stop benefits to under 25's that live at home and have never worked. Go the whole hog and stop them for those who are quite capable but have never worked. popping babies out and giving them the same level of disaffected, disengaged me-me-me attitude isn't a job, although I know a few who think it is.

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere Sat 06-Oct-12 10:30:26

My son hase been raised by two parents who have worked since their teens. His dad works despite having a serious disbility. The only time he has seen me not working was when I was caring for his sister and in the aftermath of her death.

We have a very strong work ethic.

He however is a lazy arsed teen who thinks the world owes him a living. He is almost 19. He thinks it is fine to be on benefits for a while and finds all kinds of excuses as to why he can't get a job just yet.

We shot oursef in the foot somewt as we have bought him up not o expect expensive clothes and gadgets etc. so he doesn't miss tem now he as to ay for them himself hmm

So don't put he ame on the arenas. It's not always the case. Lots of more affluent teens are any, entitled feckers but the get away with it because they are at uni or being ailed out by their indulgent parents.

My son is a lovy lad and I am hopeful that our influence and my motherly advice of 'get a job you freeloading slacker' everytime I see him will kick in soon.

( he has just started a bit of bar work so - yay!)

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