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to want to punch my dd dad in the face???

(187 Posts)
Mummyof2Girlies Fri 05-Oct-12 21:19:53

hi im new to this just wanted some advice. my dd whos 4 goes to her dads every other weekend and tuesday afternoons. we spilt wen she was 14 months and has seen him regularly on these set days. im now happily engaged and have another dd 15 months. exp is a pain in the butt always poking his nose in makes sarcastic comments spoils dd1 to the point of extreme. she asks every day if her daddy is picking her up or if she is seeing her daddy today it makes me feel like shit like im not gd enuf. dd1 has just started school and he was there on 1st day helped pay for uniform etc. since she started i have told him about parents eve, gave him newsletters even though he gets the same emails we do. when he picked her up tonight he said ever so casually "oh by the way ive joined the pta, didnt u know there was a meeting one of the mums told me on tuesday and ive been elected secetary i dint really want to do it but i thought as its my daughters future education" hes organising events at school and he said oh i can take her to the disco and im organising a bake sale and xmas bingo which i can take dd1 to.
aibu to think hes trying to take my daughter away to make himself look better at school? i mean he works ft as a manager htf is he gonna have time to be a pta secetary?? he is trying to be her mother!!!! ive been fighting this role since she was born! any advice welcome sorry to drag on! xx

SigmundFraude Fri 05-Oct-12 22:16:15

'Men just can't use that sort of language because they already hold a position of privilege and far more domestic violence is committed by men.'

That's not true though is it. As has been pointed out many times.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Fri 05-Oct-12 22:19:01

I defended it above.

LesleyPumpshaft Fri 05-Oct-12 22:19:15

I have strong rad-fem leanings and don't feel that I have to justify my opinions or defend them. Why do you care anyway?

allnewtaketwo Fri 05-Oct-12 22:20:21

You defended violence? I missed that. But hey, well done you.

allnewtaketwo Fri 05-Oct-12 22:21:27

Oh, it's "rad fem" to defend a woman's violent intentions against a man, but not the other way round. Way to go.

LesleyPumpshaft Fri 05-Oct-12 22:21:27

Can you actually read?

DoMeDon Fri 05-Oct-12 22:21:47

ALL while I appreciate you have very strong views about this, it is coming across as unhelpful. Your posts seems totally blinkered and the post about Jimmy Saville was unnecessary and odd. Can I suggest a brew I don't think anyone here is condoning OP's use of language, they're just not making it the WHOLE point. I think your personal difficult experience of DH's abusive and cruel XW are adding too much fuel to your fire.

LesleyPumpshaft Fri 05-Oct-12 22:24:05

OP didn't say that she was planning to be violent, and saying that you want to punch people isn't nice, but I think it was a figure of speech. I really don't understand why people are getting their knickers in a twist.

I don't defend violence btw, but I'm not sympathetic when people bleat on about the poor men folk either.

cheesesarnie Fri 05-Oct-12 22:25:00

appalling title op.

yabvu. he sounds amazing. im not a single parent but dh wouldnt behve in this way!

OTS Fri 05-Oct-12 22:25:06

He sounds like an excellent father. Your DD is very lucky that he wants to be involved with her schooling... good for him!

allnewtaketwo Fri 05-Oct-12 22:26:26

You wouldn't call it a "figure of speech" if it was coming from a man.

So is he trying to take over EVERYTHING to the point of excluding you?

If so, YANBU

If not, he's just doing his best to be a good and involved dad so YABU

Narked Fri 05-Oct-12 22:27:45

Well, it looks like the OP got what they wanted.

LesleyPumpshaft Fri 05-Oct-12 22:31:52

Domestic violence is a terrible thing that can never be condoned in any shape or form, but this AIBU is nothing to do with domestic violence.

allnewtaketwo Fri 05-Oct-12 22:32:30


zeeboo Fri 05-Oct-12 22:34:38

Jealous, childish and unreasonable.

nikcname Fri 05-Oct-12 22:37:51

biscuit Is all I can be bothered with.

Joiningthegang Fri 05-Oct-12 22:45:02


MagicHouse Fri 05-Oct-12 22:48:27

I think your best bet is not to react in any way if you think he is just trying to get a rise out of you. Just smile and say that's nice when he tells you about the PTA (and believe me it will become a complete pain for him eventually!!) If you'd rather take her to the school functions, and it's a night she is with you, just blandly say, "that's ok, I'll take her."
Difficult though it is, you will do far better with your realationship with your daughter if you remove yourself from all the bitterness and annoyance (in front of your dd I mean - rant away to your friends if you need to!) Just smile and say "you'll see Daddy on such a such night."
I don't know you or your ex obviously, but I do have an ex myself who liked nothing more than to rile me and make the whole thing into a competition. I stopped reacting to anything he does or says long ago, and feel much better for it! Also in doing this, my relationship with my dd especially (who's older) feels completely secure (whereas initially it felt like she was reacting to things she'd obviously overheard about me..... now I think she just realises life here at home is pretty calm, loving and consistent and she herself is pretty relaxed and happy here too.)
You are your dd's mummy. Try not to feel inadequate. She will love you, and in the long run, if you are consistent and loving with her, she will value your relationship, and nothing will get in the way of that.

MagicHouse Fri 05-Oct-12 22:51:07

PS - have ignored all the pp's about how horrible you are and suggest you do too! You just come across as someone very insecure and unhappy to me, who is feeling pushed out. I can empathise with that feeling, and it really does work if you ignore it, smile and focus on your relationship and time with your dd.

SavoyCabbage Fri 05-Oct-12 23:03:03

I would love it if someone would take my dd to the school disco, it's my idea of hell!

PedanticPanda Fri 05-Oct-12 23:05:48

Oh get a grip. Your ex sounds lovely, your dd is very lucky. I hope you don't tell your daughter about how you want to physically attack her father.

That was a very kind and thoughtful post, MagicHouse

Pandemoniaa Sat 06-Oct-12 02:04:00

YABU. Also, why is your post written in txt spk?

dysfunctionalme Sat 06-Oct-12 02:09:03

Is he single?

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