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to want to punch my dd dad in the face???

(187 Posts)
Mummyof2Girlies Fri 05-Oct-12 21:19:53

hi im new to this just wanted some advice. my dd whos 4 goes to her dads every other weekend and tuesday afternoons. we spilt wen she was 14 months and has seen him regularly on these set days. im now happily engaged and have another dd 15 months. exp is a pain in the butt always poking his nose in makes sarcastic comments spoils dd1 to the point of extreme. she asks every day if her daddy is picking her up or if she is seeing her daddy today it makes me feel like shit like im not gd enuf. dd1 has just started school and he was there on 1st day helped pay for uniform etc. since she started i have told him about parents eve, gave him newsletters even though he gets the same emails we do. when he picked her up tonight he said ever so casually "oh by the way ive joined the pta, didnt u know there was a meeting one of the mums told me on tuesday and ive been elected secetary i dint really want to do it but i thought as its my daughters future education" hes organising events at school and he said oh i can take her to the disco and im organising a bake sale and xmas bingo which i can take dd1 to.
aibu to think hes trying to take my daughter away to make himself look better at school? i mean he works ft as a manager htf is he gonna have time to be a pta secetary?? he is trying to be her mother!!!! ive been fighting this role since she was born! any advice welcome sorry to drag on! xx

LesleyPumpshaft Fri 05-Oct-12 22:01:08

allnewtaketwo. Men just can't use that sort of language because they already hold a position of privilege and far more domestic violence is committed by men.

I think the OP is just upset, emotional and needs a sounding board, not people ripping her to shreds over semantics. Maybe saying that she feels like punching someone in the face isn't very nice, but some of the replies to her are worse tbh.

allnewtaketwo Fri 05-Oct-12 22:02:23

It is unreasonable to feel that way just because you child's other patent wants to do his best and be actively involved. To me, that is an unreasonable cause for anger and thoughts of violence.

allnewtaketwo Fri 05-Oct-12 22:03:44

So DH was physically abused by his ex. Would you find it ok if he came on here wanting to beat her up for being a good mother? It's as black and white as that.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Fri 05-Oct-12 22:03:57

Yes, I wonder why she feels like that.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Fri 05-Oct-12 22:05:02

Sorry, my reply was to the first of your 2 posts allnew

allnewtaketwo Fri 05-Oct-12 22:05:29

Ah, so if a mother wants to be violent, there must be a legitimate reason. Okhmm

imperialstateknickers Fri 05-Oct-12 22:05:56

Lesley I said she was coming over as a spiteful silly cow, not that she actually was one. Subtle difference I know.

GotMyGoat Fri 05-Oct-12 22:05:57

Ok. it's not on - but I see an awful lot of post threatening to chop DH's balls off about. Can we stop those too whilst we're at it?

ilovesooty Fri 05-Oct-12 22:07:25

Men just can't use that sort of language because they already hold a position of privilege and far more domestic violence is committed by men

Sounds like an excuse for applying double standards to me. If a man posted that thread title on here he'd be crucified: people wouldn't in the main be understanding of his feelings and emotions.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Fri 05-Oct-12 22:07:35

Oh blimey

I don't think that. I think that when people are being unreasonable and ranty on a thread then they are feeling upset and we might be able to help her see things a bit differently so she is less angry and ranty

Whitecherry Fri 05-Oct-12 22:07:44

What would you prefer op?!

Would you rather he did nothing for his dc then?

LesleyPumpshaft Fri 05-Oct-12 22:07:52

OP has probably been scared off now. I don't think any violence is acceptable, she probably doesn't either. It's the sort of thing people say when they are very frustrated.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Fri 05-Oct-12 22:09:04

I try and understand eveyone's emotions whilst not excusing their damaging actions.

allnewtaketwo Fri 05-Oct-12 22:10:24

She's frustrated about her children's father (the man she chose to have sex with and have children with) being an involved father FFS. Would she rather he would just curl up and die? Or that he wasn't involved, so she could want to punch him for that instead?

imperialstateknickers Fri 05-Oct-12 22:10:36

Posting in AIBU on a Friday night wasn't really the best place to get any constructive advice, not surprised OP's never been back.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Fri 05-Oct-12 22:11:36


Since shes's only posted once we don't know all that much.

allnewtaketwo Fri 05-Oct-12 22:11:45

Jamie I take it then that youre one of the jimmy savilke apologists then? You know, trying to understand his motives and all that hmm.

LesleyPumpshaft Fri 05-Oct-12 22:11:58

As long as she isn't saying this infront of DD, does it really matter if she sounds off to people here?

Getting pissed about your X being responsible is U, but maybe he is spiteful about things, Idk.

ProphetOfDoom Fri 05-Oct-12 22:12:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

allnewtaketwo Fri 05-Oct-12 22:12:51

We know that her ex is a very involved father who supports and takes a huge interest in his children. Oh, and that their mother wants to punch him for this.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Fri 05-Oct-12 22:12:59

Yes, of course that follows from what I said

JamieandtheMagicTorch Fri 05-Oct-12 22:14:30

I'm going now because this argument isn't helpful

allnewtaketwo Fri 05-Oct-12 22:15:10

But Lesley would you apply the same standards for men choosing to talk amongst themselves on a public forum about wanting to punch their exes? Really? That's ok as long as the children aren't listening?

thebody Fri 05-Oct-12 22:15:26

Grow up love.

allnewtaketwo Fri 05-Oct-12 22:16:10

You're going because you can't defend your double standards about violence

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