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to wish that the pelvic toner advert would!

(139 Posts)
Hanikam Fri 05-Oct-12 20:57:48

I like to read mumsnet during quiet moments at work.
That stupid advert for the pelvic toner pops up at awkward moments.
Who says "50% of mothers have weak bladders / pelvic intolerance?"
As compared to who? non-mothers, population as a whole (including men, who might have trouble inserting the damned thing.....rectal toner maybe?)

Don't want people to look at me like I'm someone who regularly wets her knickers.
so, aibu?

gussiegrips Sat 06-Oct-12 01:16:55

Mmm Lindor - blush

Right, girls, hunker down.

The FACT is that 1:3 of mumsnet readership piss themselves. If you want references, I'll happily PM them to you - but meanwhile, reflect that tena is Big Business, and that exists for a reason.

And, Hanikam I am glad you don't have this bother. But, look at your pals. A third of them wee when they squee.

They are embarrassed. Their self esteem suffers. They become depressed. Their sex life dissolves - apart from worrying that she is reeking of pish, she's got no hope of having an orgasm because her saggy muscles won't let her. They stop going out to play incase they need a wee and disgrace themselves in public - because, the fact is that it is excruciatingly embarrassing.

But, if a THIRD of us do it - why should that be? And, by the way, that's a third of women aged 35-55. Once you are over 55 it's 50%. Don't think that not having had kids will save you. Or that having casearians will. These are risk factors, not insurance policies.

And, whilst I've I'm on my high horse - it's not just wee. Women poo themselves. You get yourself a hernia in your vagina like a rectocele and you might find you can't poo, or are fecally incontinent. Ghastly way to live, you either shove it all back up there with your fingers inside your vagina, or you use a tool, or you get yourself a douche prescribed. Oh yeah, and you can have your bladder sitting in the way, or the whole jingbang can just fall right out.

Did you all know that? No, course not. That's my fault. I'm a physio, and my profession does not do enough to teach you all about WHY you need to know about your pelvic floor and why you want to have a smashing one.

A third of us have pelvic floor weakness. Of that third, 40% have prolapses. It's a political disgrace that women are living with these distressing, painful, unrelenting conditions. These are women you know. Women who laugh about trampolines as being an unobtainable ambition, but who might not be sharing that they pish themselves during sex.

And, yes, menfolks have duff pelvic floors too. Got a man who farts when he gets up out of the chair? Drives you crazy with his skid marks? Dribbles all over your bathroom floor? Has premature ejaculation? He doesn't need to put up with it either... but men's continence is even more of a taboo than ours.

I want a mumsnet campaign. The good thing is that, just doing yerblardyexercises WILL help and can cure (depending on whether you've just got stress incontinence or have prolapse, and to which degree that is)...who's with me? I have woad.

Seriously though - don't put up with it. See your GP. See a women's health physio, a continence nurse, or feel free to PM me.

Don't ignore it. Google image "vaginal prolapse" if you need convincing. And, let's bust this taboo. I love the smell of taboo busting in the morning....

(best not do that google search at work, kai?)

gussiegrips Sat 06-Oct-12 01:31:27

Oh, and to answer questions (please ecooze typos and poor spelling - it's three glasses of wine in. Arguably, i'm at my best)

There are a variety of pelvic kit available. Ones that use weight to strengthen, ones that use resistance, ones that Zap your bits with an electrical charge to get them to contract.

Some women are so flappy of flower (that's a technical term) that they find it difficult to tell whether or not they are, actually, contracting their pelvic floor. So, gadgetry like the pelvic toner, or the incostress, or keygal, or kegal8, or aquflex...or just getting yourself a set of ben wa balls or a vibrator... might help inititate the contraction.

Frankly, I'm glad the advert makes you think you might land up a smelly old lady. For a third of your friends, that's a reality. Doyerblardyexercises.

Am wondering how to keep going without transgessing the talk rules about advertising. I am happy to chat, for no fee about flappy fanjoes. Have a look at the website mme lindor put upthread, or PM me. Or, have a look at the excellent facebook group "pelvic organ prolapse support" where there are an assortment of internationally based medics, nurses and physios who give advice for free.

Please. Don't. Put. Up. With. It. You don't need to. 80% of stress incontinence can be significantly improved or cured by doingyerblardyexercises.

I'll shut up now. See you on twitter...add an @ to my username. x

AhCmonSeriouslyNow Sat 06-Oct-12 01:53:43

Excellent post, Gussie- nice balance of humour and facts! clenching as I type

deleted203 Sat 06-Oct-12 02:03:04

80% can improve. Seriously? Cos I'm a wee-er on a trampoline. Or with a mad coughing fit. I read the adverts for the Bladder Foundation on the back of the lavvy door when in motorway service stations and think, yeah, yeah. I'm 45 and I've had 5 kids and I honestly thought it was normal to wee yourself when having a chesty cough. I would love not to, providing I don't need surgery. Not got a prolapse (I don't think). And still got reasonable internal muscles when shagging (if that's not TMI). Recommendations please Gussie.

gussiegrips Sat 06-Oct-12 02:28:02

Yep. 80% improve. Might not cure. But will improve, and with that, comes better sexual function - so, stuff the trampoline, use that as a motivator. If you're going to do it, you may as well make ti worth your while...

Brief summary:

clench for 10 secs. You should feel a "drop" when you let go. No drop, you've lost the contraction. You need to be able to clench for 10 secs to stop yourself from pissing your pants when you struggle to unlock your front door.

10 quick flicks. So, clench, clench, clench, x10. That stops you from pissing yourself when you sneeze/laugh/cough

3 floors - imagine you've got a wee lift in your speshul place. Don't think about why that might be too much, just imagine the elevator taking tiny wee people to your first floor (I know, it raises more questions than I'm comfortable with), second floor, third. Then, back down - that's the tricky bit. That stops you from pissing yourself when walking downhill in high heels.

Doing those three exercises three times a day, every day, for the rest of your life, will improve the problems you have, prevent further problems and make shagging worth your trouble.

Mind, that's for simple stress incontinence. If you have degree of prolapse, or bladder frequency, or urgency then it's a bit more complicated and you can't be guaranteed 80% improvement within a month of clenching. Will still help, but best see your GP.

Justgottadoyerblardyexercises. @gussiegrips - I tweet, you twitch your twinkle. I'm a great nag.

deleted203 Sat 06-Oct-12 02:35:12

Thank you gussie! I'm clenching! I'll give it a go for a month and let you know! (If I'm still pissing when I cough I'll be pissed off). Or does it take longer to improve?

gussiegrips Sat 06-Oct-12 02:55:48

Weeeelll, that depends.

You should see an improvement within a month. Whether that is enough to resolve your symptoms, or just bring back the toe curl to an orgasm depends on whether it's a simple stress incontinence or something more involved.

But, the short answer, is that, yes. Most women would expect to find significant improvement in a short period of time. Which is why I Get So Cross. There is No Need To Live Like This!

See you on twitter, do let me know how you get on. Am endlessly interested in chat about wee <looks at clock and realises I may be a little obsessive>

deleted203 Sat 06-Oct-12 02:58:01

lol...I'm still clenching! OK, some improvement would do me (my orgasms are still toe curling - it's the piddling when I cough I could live without) grin. I'll be back in a month with an update!

LesleyPumpshaft Sat 06-Oct-12 06:39:07

Did anyone's midwife tell them to begin their pelvic floor exercises on their first visit? My midwife told me that everyone should do their pelvic floor exercises full stop.

smornintime Sat 06-Oct-12 07:00:03

There was a physio in the hosp when I had DS who was very enthusiastic about pelvic floor as soon as you'd finished with labour grin I had a go - its very odd to know you're trying but not be able to feel ANYTHING happening!
I do try to do most of what gussie has described but evidently not often enough...must try harder...

LesleyPumpshaft Sat 06-Oct-12 07:07:01

Tbh, you need to put the effort and time in with pelvic floor exercises. Just doing a few a day doesn't really improve things, that's just what I found though. It might be different for other people.

I've know some people who say they don't work, but it's like going to the gym and any kind of exercise, you only see results when you push yourself, and you won't get results straight away. Many people underestimate how long and how often they should do them for imo.

I found doing them 3 times a day and building up really helped. My next goal is to fire ping pong balls out of my fanjo. grin

OnlyWantsOne Sat 06-Oct-12 07:11:28

What can be done about prolapse I'm too scared to admit these things to any one in real life. I'm in my fucking 20s it depresses me so much I cry about it

LesleyPumpshaft Sat 06-Oct-12 07:14:54

Idk, OnlyWantsOne. Can't the doctor refer you to have an operation? A lady I know had an op to sort her prolapse out.

OnlyWantsOne Sat 06-Oct-12 07:19:01

Wail. But I'm scared.

ZiggyPlayedGuitar Sat 06-Oct-12 07:19:08

Yanbu, it's really tempting me in to buying it. I don't wee when I bounce but I'm so paranoid about keeping my pelvic floor tight!

EleanorHandbasket Sat 06-Oct-12 07:20:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EleanorHandbasket Sat 06-Oct-12 07:20:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LesleyPumpshaft Sat 06-Oct-12 07:22:15

LesleyPumpshaft. No need to be scared m' dear. Is it the thought of surgery, or the embarrassment going to see the doctor?

OnlyWantsOne Sat 06-Oct-12 07:28:03

lesley it's all those things. I'm a horrific wimp.

LesleyPumpshaft Sat 06-Oct-12 07:31:12

Only, understandable. I'm assuming you've given birth, could it be much worse than that? Think of the long term benefits, it's not worth suffering in silence over it. Apparently it's un-mumsnetty to give hugs, so here's a brew instead.

OnlyWantsOne Sat 06-Oct-12 09:00:25

Maybe I should plant myself on the ragged bits thread?

bucketfanniedbertha Sat 06-Oct-12 09:21:09

I'm so glad to see this thread as I am utterly miserable about my horrible fanjo. I have ordered one of those toners but jesus....I don't seem to have a continence problem, just a horrible, slack mess. Couldn't admit this in real life but air escapes EVERY time I sit up or sit down and it makes a noise as I walk. Am seriously depressed about it, it's disgusting. Have had 3 children.

eurochick Sat 06-Oct-12 09:47:36

To lighten the mood a little, several years ago, my gran had a hysterectomy. The dr on his rounds told her to do her pelvic floor exercises. When we went to visit, she told us this, rounding off with "They can't expect me to get down there at my age, I'd never get back up again!".

My mum had to try to explain to her what pelvic floor exercises were and how to do them, being clear that she didn't have to get on the floor to do them....

MmeLindor Sat 06-Oct-12 10:32:12

PM Gussie. She is totally lovely and will give you great advice. Don't suffer when you don't have to.

I am going to have a Pelvic Floor Party sometime this winter.

Gussie is going to do Pelvic Floor Parties - think Tupperware but with LOTS of wine and clenching. Invite very good friends who are up for a lot of laughs while learning how to improve their fanjo fitness.

Might have to repair the downstairs loo first.

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere Sat 06-Oct-12 10:50:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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