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To be hurt for being publicly judged by my own brother for going away without my DC (fb related, sorry)

(117 Posts)
MoomieAndFreddie Fri 05-Oct-12 17:32:53

DH and I are going away for a few days after Xmas to New York. This will probably be the last time we go away minus DC as we are TTC-ing after Xmas. and this was going to be our present to eachother and a last big holiday if you like, before, if we are lucky enough, DC3 comes along. our DC are 3 and 6 and are staying with my DPs in the Cotswolds, my DPs are more than happy to have them, so we will be spending the run up to xmas with the DC and also xmas eve, xmas day and some of boxing day.

Anyway, my brother has posted all over Facebook how "disgusting" and "selfish" we are "leaving the kids at christmas" and how he "can't believe mum and dad have agreed to it" and he thinks we should take them with us.
BTW, the DC have had 2 holidays already this year, this summer, we took them to Lanzarote and Wales.

He hasn't said ANY of this to my face, it has all been via public facebook rants for all our friends and family to see. Its as if he just wants to show me up. He is of course entitled to his opinion on it, but I feel he should tell me privately. He looks down on us anyway as we live in a HA house and are just ordinary, whereas he has a high flying job and a flashy car and nice apartment.

I don't have to explain myself to anyone, but we just don't want to take them on this occasion. And anyway, IMO a long flight followed by lots of walking around shops and sightseeing in the freezing cold NY winter, would not be much fun for them. or us

DB does not even have DC of his own and barely has anything to do with my DC, he is pretty uninterested in them tbh so why they sudden sanctimonious behaviour? confused

anyway I am hurt and just want to rant I guess., I am quite prepared to be told I am BU for going away sans DC but I really think my DBs behaviour is shitty and U.

nextsale Fri 05-Oct-12 18:24:39

it's 3 days out of 365 and you need to keep your relationship going sounds wonderful if you worked in a store that offers sales you would be working boxing day and after anyway the children would love it new year in the cotswolds sounds lovely

Goodadvice1980 Fri 05-Oct-12 18:25:27


I don't have dc myself but I am always happy to look after my cousin's children if they want a few days away. Your brother sounds like a rude, spolied brat.

You are obviously a far better parent then he is an uncle.

Hope you and your dh enjoy the trip, New York is fab smile

Smeghead Fri 05-Oct-12 18:25:48

I wonder if it is because you have stepped out of your pigeon hole?

You say he looks down on you so he probably gets a boost to his own self esteem by seeing himself as better than you, financially and materialistically. But you doing something that he probably thinks is only for successful people like him takes you out of the "poor relation" bracket and means that you are actually more successful than he allowed himself to believe. It means that he cant look down on you anymore because he isnt the big "I am".

He is jealous and picking on the only thing he can to try and burst your bubble. It may also be because he cant afford something like that himself, which could be perfectly feasible if he has high debts and a high mortgage on his flashy apartment.

Gumby Fri 05-Oct-12 18:29:26

There must be more to it - is it because he wanted to see them & they'll be away?

MumOfAPickle Fri 05-Oct-12 18:49:11

YANBU at all. He's a tool of the highest order and you should definitely call him on it. There's no way I would let my sister speak to me like that in front of everyone (which is effectively what he's doing without actually having the balls to say it). You really must defend yourseld. I think Smeghead probably had it spot on.

Nanny0gg Fri 05-Oct-12 18:49:33


Will people please at least read the OP properly, even if they don't read the rest of the bloody thread!!

OP - you are not U at all.

Either phone him and tear him a new one, or just block him on FB/RL.

(I think the second suggestion is the best one)

Fosgoldlady Fri 05-Oct-12 18:50:42

To me it would be worse to subject the kids to two long flights in a short space of time taking them away from their nice new shiny presents that they'll want to play with.

You enjoy your treat and let your dc's enjoy theirs!

btw envy - but in a nice way!

MoomieAndFreddie Fri 05-Oct-12 18:53:58

No gumby - he will get to see them as him and his GF will be visiting my parents as well.

TBH it did cross my mind that he would be jealous of my dc being there with my parents getting all the attention. he is 29 but still very spoilt and my DPs golden boy hmm - lots of things he has, my DPs bought for him or helped him out with, shall we say. Whereas I like to make my own way in the world and don't like to ask my DPs for anything apart from babysitting

He does think he is "better" than us, he likes to put down where we live in a passive aggressive way, and ask why we won't buy a house, as if we are somehow failures for still renting in our 30's (and 40's for dh lol) and shock horror live on a council estate shock he is a pompous twat.

Anyway Thanks mnetters for your fab responses, am glad that most of you DON'T think I am being a horrible mum leaving my DC, tbh he was making me doubt my own judgement and feel really bad. I was in tears when I saw FB earlier

Also agree FB is work of devil

am also v v tempted to nick some of your responses to him and post them on fb back to him but that would be v childish of me blush

Pagwatch Fri 05-Oct-12 18:54:58

And it is useful to remember that it is no one else's sodding business.

Even, and I say even, if the op was leaving her children for six months it is
A) not the brothers business
b) unbelievably crass of him to gossip about his sister and
C) even worst to post it on fb.

Thick, uncouth, interfereing and ill mannered.

Don't post anything justifying yourself!

Actually just post
Thick, uncouth, interfering and ill mannered

Madlizzy Fri 05-Oct-12 18:59:21

I'd just say something along the lines of "Oi, knobby! Take your knob and knob off, and when you've done that, come back here then knob off some more." He's made himself look far more of an arse than anything.

AndFanjoWasHisNameO Fri 05-Oct-12 19:07:33

Yes, damn right you should be hurt angry
He is an idiot, a jealous idiot. A truly lovely idea for you and DP, am vairr jealous . Maybe lock your brother in a freezer for a couple of hours for him to see how cold your kids would be wandering round NY grin
We're hoping to revisit the Maldives without the kids in a couple of years whilst they go to Wales in a caravan with Nanny. I know what I'd rather do as a child....

returnvisit Fri 05-Oct-12 19:16:56


Have a fab time and enjoy yourself. What does he know when he doesn't have kids? I've been away without kids & it's important for u both to have some time together . Will make u refreshed and ready to deal with everything and IMO can sometimes make people better parents cos they have had a break.

Mrsjay Fri 05-Oct-12 19:34:11

your brother is an idiot obviously and a smug parent facebook is littered with them and he is probably a bit jealous he hasn't the confidence to leave his children for a few days

Mrsjay Fri 05-Oct-12 19:34:50

He hasnt EVEN got children I didnt read that bit he is an arse

MrsMiniversCharlady Fri 05-Oct-12 19:39:39

Well, he's right that it is selfish because you're doing it for your benefit rather than for your children's. That doesn't make it wrong for you to go away though; I don't know why people expect parents to entirely devote themselves to their children 24/7 365 days of the year confused

Your children will have a great time and so will you - what's his problem?!

Mrsjay Fri 05-Oct-12 19:42:44

and I agree there is nothing wrong in being selfish sometimes

waltermittymissus Fri 05-Oct-12 19:45:43

It would seem that he's pissed off that his few days of having mummy and daddy dote on him will be ruined by the presence of actual children!

Enjoy your trip. Let your parents enjoy their gc. Let your children enjoy their time with their GPs and let your brother go fuck himself get over it!

gimmecakeandcandy Fri 05-Oct-12 20:10:02

Each to their own, it's not something I would do, I just couldn't imagine going away without them yet but I would not judge you at all for a wee break after Xmas as you know your kids and know they are in good hands etc.

I agree with writing something along the lined of 'stop being a fucking dick' to him!

Enjoy your break

GoSakuramachi Fri 05-Oct-12 20:56:14

Why didn't you just delete his comments when he posted them? And then deleted him? and then punched in his stupid face?

PickledFanjoCat Fri 05-Oct-12 20:58:04

Delete him and then shove his computer up his arse.

Have a nice break, nothing wrong with it.

He is being a stupid penis.

Bunbaker Fri 05-Oct-12 21:02:21

DD (12) doesn't think you are being selfish.

Sigh. Just another negative example of Facebook.

lydiamama Fri 05-Oct-12 21:07:39

YABU because you are giving your DB what he wanted. He knows you are going to see that in FB and being upset about it, and as understandable as it is, please try to ignore him. I know it hurts but he is behaving so stupidly, it is unbelievable, if he has something to say he should tell you, not put it on FB. And for leaving your children after Christmas, it is your business, a nice little trip with your hubby is good for you, and your kids are going to be in good hands, so perfectly reasonable.

geegee888 Fri 05-Oct-12 21:26:16

Your DB sounds as if he has a very limited, dull, life, much of which was over the moment he had children.

cerealqueen Fri 05-Oct-12 22:07:16

None of his business frankly. I would delete his posts, stop him posting on your wall and update very regularly on how excited you are and how excited your DCs / GPs are about your plans. He can see what you write but can't respond, ha ha!

StopTalkingAndEatYourDinner Fri 05-Oct-12 22:13:10

YABU - a few days in not long enough for a New York trip. You should be going for a week!

Your brother is a twat.

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