To think this teaching assistant is creepy?

[MoonlightShadows]

I don;t know whether AIBU or not. I was sexually abused when I was younger so do find myself being hyper vigilant and usually have to have a quiet word with myself but I'm not sure this time.

There is a young guy of about 19 who is a TA at DD's infant school. He is a bit strange in that he never speaks to the parents or makes eye contact and when spoken to only mumbles back and walks off. He also works at our local kids soft play area and we had DD's party there, he was all over the children, chasing them and picking them up and rolling around on the floor with them but didn't speak to any of the parents.

DH is a primary teacher and he says I am likely overreacting, although hasn't met him himself.

I am ashamed to admit I just looked on his facebook page and he seems to be obsessed with horror films and has very few friends for a young guy.

Am I overreacting?

[Shutupanddrive]

Have you tried speaking to him? Maybe he is shy?

[SoleSource]

Who knows? Hopefully yes.

[KenLeeeeeee]

I would be inclined to think he's maybe just nervous of the parents because he's aware that most will think it's unusual for a youngish guy to be a TA. The male nursery worker at my sons' old nursery certainly took a while to relax and realise that none of the parents cared that he wasn't female! It sounds from your description like he's brilliant with the kids anyway.

Would you have these concerns if it was a 19 year old female in the same scenario?

[Maat]

Based on the information you have given, I would say he is more likely to be shy around adults but feels very comfortable with children.

[JeuxDEnfants]

You never know but what you have mentioned doesn't scream abuser to me. He's more comfortable with kids than adults. I like horror films too. Is there anythig else that is worrying you or is it the fact he is male?

[TittyWhistles]

He's 19. At that age I bet he has far more in common with the little kids than with the 'grown ups'.

I reckon he's trying to prove to the parents he likes the kids, but he lacks the confidence to speak with them on a professional level.

I have a shy ds of similar age... and a toddler and they get on fantastically.

[OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere]

YABU
But you admit you are hyper vigilant due to the terrible thing that happened to you.

I hope you don't get flamed too much. Although I do not agree with your concerns I can sort of understand why you have them.

The most likely explanation is that he is shy and gets on better with children than with adults.

[Hulababy]

Do the children like him?
Do the school like him?
Is he doing his job at school and soft play properly?

If so then as a young TA, probably new to the job if 19y, then give him chance. One of the hardest parts of being a TA for some people, esp in the early days, is the parent communication. It can be very daunting even when you have been doing it for years.

[Figgygal]

this sort of shit is why more males do not go into the profession

[MoonlightShadows]

I don't know really, I just get a weird feeling from him. All the other teachers and TA's (male and female) are quite friendly and communicate well with the parents.

[Lara2]

Have you thought that he may be very shy around adults and people closer to his own age? He may be on the autistic spectrum and find it hard to make that social contact. My DS2 had Asperger's and finds all those things very hard. He too would mumble and probably walk off. His social maturity is way younger than his chronological age.
Has he actually done anything to make you feel uneasy or do you think he's just 'creepy'? I find that quite upsetting as a parent, that the world will instantly see my son as weird and creepy because he doesn't fit the gregarious 'norm'. I almost wish he had a physical disability sometimes, because to be honest, I think his life would be easier

[MoonlightShadows]

Lara2 - It's more the combination of the setting and his personality that I find creepy

[chipsandmushypeas]

No one knows this person apart from op so cannot run to his defence instantly. The op has a gut feeling this guy is strange, that is not U at all. It's what parents are meant to do: protect.

[chipsandmushypeas]

I was also abused as a child so I'm probably biased.

[Lara2]

So shy, maybe autistic/asperger's people shouldn't be allowed anywhere near children OP?

[fuzzpig]

Plenty of people - including me (I have Aspergers) - find children much less scary, and easier to communicate with, than adults. Or there's the possibility that as he's still young and inexperienced and therefore hasn't learnt the tools of the trade that help him deal with parents.

I think you are reading far too much into this but as a fellow abuse survivor I do understand x

[MoonlightShadows]

Maybe I should try engaging him in conversation. I have in the past but didn't get very far but will try again. The staff obviously trust him and he obviously loves children...

[JeuxDEnfants]

Maybe ask you DH to meet him and see what he thinks? Either way, unfortunately being "creepy" in the terms you describe it is not a crime. You should obviously take the usual precautions to protect your child against these things but jumping to conclusions is not always accurate. Some men actually like children and are shy. It's the minority who are abusers. For sure, keep a close eye but don't torture yourself over it. What do other parents think?

[Whitecherry]

Christ on a bike!!

I fear for my 3 sons, I really do.