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To be annoyed at this registrar?

(34 Posts)
GrrrArghZzzz Thu 04-Oct-12 17:15:07

Backstory: My DH has always been the SAHP, as due to a physical disability he hasn't worked since University; however, during my pregnancy my entire department was closed down. So we're unemployed at the moment (hopefully to change soon!).

I had a very difficult birth with DS2 (midwife told me I was the first person she had to press the emergency button twice for), so I sent DH to register the birth. All should have been fine and dandy. But when he got home, I noticed the occupation section was wrong. When I asked DH about it I got this story:

Basically, even though I know from DS1 that we didn't have to put an occupation down, the registrar with DH was quite forceful that he should put something down. She also wouldn't allow DH to be put down as Stay at home Dad or Stay at home Parent, apparently because I was not currently working. She told he he could put down as unemployed and I could be put down housewife or stay at home mum (why I can be one when he's unemployed but cannot be one when I'm unemployed is really annoying me). He said that would have to do as he hasn't done anything since University. She asked him what he did there and quickly finished everything else. She never asked what I did in University and apparently didn't want to hear what I had done previously as it's now what I've done most recently.

So the end result is that it lists DH as an archaeologist though he's never worked as one a day in his life and I'm put down as a housewife even though I'm very much not. I found this whole thing to be very strange. I tried to contact them, but all I got was they could add a note to the form but the current info would stand.

So AIBU to be annoyed by this? The obvious sexism has resulted in me having an inaccurate/dishonest certificate.

badtime Thu 04-Oct-12 17:18:39

That is ridiculous! By her argument, I'm a politician, because I studied politics.

If I were you, I would complain about her. I don't know if you can change your certificate, but you might be able to prevent anyone else having to deal with the same nonsense.

CommanderShepard Thu 04-Oct-12 17:46:30

Ooh! In her world, since I read Theology...


Bow, ye mumsnetters.

eurochick Thu 04-Oct-12 18:13:53

I'd definitely complain about the sexist moo!

Longtalljosie Thu 04-Oct-12 18:15:28

Good grief! Are you going to complain?

ChaoticismyLife Thu 04-Oct-12 18:17:11

grin Commander

I'd complain too, that's ridiculous.

mumblechum1 Thu 04-Oct-12 18:17:25

[genuflect] at Commander

mumblechum1 Thu 04-Oct-12 18:18:15

How bizarre! Why wasn't he allowed to just say that you're both unemployed? Is it a plot to keep the statistics down?

PunkInDublic Thu 04-Oct-12 18:18:17

YANBU! How sexist. I am struggling to see how you not working impacted on your partners role within the home in her eyes. If it can't be changed I'd complain.

Congratulations on your new DC.

Hopeforever Thu 04-Oct-12 18:19:37

Complain and get the form corrected

Not what you need right now, but the future of all stay at home dads depends on you!

halloweeneyqueeney Thu 04-Oct-12 18:23:56

oh definitely complain! how sexist! and totally inaccurate it's a legal document!

GrrrArghZzzz Thu 04-Oct-12 19:45:40

Commander grin

I will certainly complain. I started it off by emailing them about it, but seem to have been completely rebuffed. I'm currently planning to write another more strongly worded one (as my first was written in a confused sleep deprived days) and I plan to go into the office when I've got enough energy to head into town.

The whole thing is just bizarre.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Thu 04-Oct-12 19:55:03

I'd be more annoyed with your DH than the registrar that doesn't have much choice about the way she has to fill in forms.

From what you have said I don't see why he couldn't have put himself down as unemployed and you down as whatever you do.

BruisedFanjo Thu 04-Oct-12 20:43:09

They did this to us when we registered DD. We had both been made redundant (i know, bad luck at the worst time). She put me down as SAHM, but DP as "engineer" as this is what he did before redundancy. Why not put both as "unemployed" as that's what we were? And I obviously wasn't a SAHM before DD as she was my first! Strange lady.

elliejjtiny Thu 04-Oct-12 21:24:52

Definately complain. Is the SAHM option new? When I had DS1 and DS2 I wasn't allowed to list SAHM as my occupation, it had to be housewife or whatever job I did previously. I think I'm listed as a nursery nurse for DS1, housewife for DS2 and carer for DS3 although technically I've had the same occupation for all 3.

Dozer Thu 04-Oct-12 22:20:04

That is terrible! How sexist. Complain.

mayorquimby Thu 04-Oct-12 23:22:41

sweet. I'm a philosopher.

PedanticPanda Thu 04-Oct-12 23:28:18

I really don't understand this. Your dh is unemployed so she used what he studied as his occupation. You're unemployed so she put you down as a housewife as your occupation. Didn't ask what you had studied at all, didn't ask your previous job or anything...

I'm angry on your behalf!

Redbindy Thu 04-Oct-12 23:41:53

This all sounds a bit weird. Why couldn't she registered you both as unemployed? That would look much better on the birth certificate than archaeologist and housewife.

KRITIQ Thu 04-Oct-12 23:55:11

How infuriating!

I'd get a copy of the council's complaints procedure and submit a formal complaint. You might also want to speak with your local councillor about the matter. It's quite likely that her actions may have contravened the local authority's equalities policy.

When DH and I were married, they wanted really detailed descriptions of our jobs, and what our parents did (including mine, who are both deceased.) I would think that accuracy would be important as the document becomes part of the public record. Generations from now, one of your descendants will get completely the wrong idea of what you both did for a living.

Just curious, but let's say your job was as oh I dunno, Widget Factory Team Leader. Wouldn't it be more accurate to describe you as "unemployed Widget Factory Team Leader" or similar rather than just "housewife" (yuck, what an outdated term.) Maybe call your DH an "unemployed architect," but I don't get why he couldn't be SAHF if that's what is.

Complain, definitely complain.

HissyByName Fri 05-Oct-12 00:02:44

Write and reject the certificate and insist it is changed to reflect you and your H more accurately. If he is a SAHD then that is what you insist they put.

He's not unemployed, any more than you would be if you were caring for DC FT.


deleted203 Fri 05-Oct-12 00:05:15

I've got military history and politics degree. I'm going for 'Dictator of a Small African Country' on my certificate I reckon......

WasLostNowAmFound Fri 05-Oct-12 00:14:23

Waiting for someone to say Won't someone think of future genealologists. (Though KRITIQ came close)

Sadly rules are rules when it comes to - them forms won't fill themselves in you know.

OP, annoying yes indeed, but your thread will inform future parents to be more stubborn/creative when it comes to dealing with officialdom - my Marriage certificate is might be null and void because I totally made up my Parent's occupations!

WasLostNowAmFound Fri 05-Oct-12 00:18:11

Still having a bad day, Genealogists, obviously.

Will go to bed now.

LDNmummy Fri 05-Oct-12 00:19:23

That is really annoying and ridiculous and YANBU.

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