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Not to label my twins so others can tell them apart?

(179 Posts)
twinsufficient Thu 04-Oct-12 16:31:11

Dts' nursery teacher has asked me to label them with different coloured stickers as she can't tell them apart. Imho doing this will mean that the teachers will stop trying to tell who is who and rely on the stickers. They are identical but there are differences in face and eye shape etc so not impossible. Should I do as the teacher asks or not?

TobyLerone Thu 04-Oct-12 17:32:09

I'm a bit face blind. I'm convinced that I wouldn't be able to tell my own twins apart.

twintwo Thu 04-Oct-12 17:34:10

I have identical twin boys one wore red at nursery and the other wore blue. Teacher would have had a awfull time telling them apart otherwise. Different story now they are in reception in identical uniforms though! Teacher says she can only tell them apart by their (different) shoes!

CaliforniaLeaving Thu 04-Oct-12 17:34:39

YABU give each one a label or certain colours to wear. You are just making it harder on your kids and their teacher.

RubyFakeNails Thu 04-Oct-12 17:35:34

Off topic but great name OP.

Chopstheduck Thu 04-Oct-12 17:37:46

I have non id twins but one has always had longer hair. When I cut it, people struggled to tell them apart, and the boy with the new haircut HATED being mistaken for his twin. He refused to have it cut short again for a few years after that.

we've just cut it short again, and although they have grown up a lot and are easily distinguishable face on, now I can't tell them apart from behind and it is a nightmare at times!

I shouted three times at him a few days ago, to get in from the road before I realised I was shouting the wrong name which is why he was completely ignoring me! It does make life difficult. I would draw the line at stickers, but just do different shoes or hair, or something. For both the twins' sake, and the teachers.

Chopstheduck Thu 04-Oct-12 17:38:27

Oh i hadn't noticed the name! very clever grin

BoffinMum Thu 04-Oct-12 17:42:43

I have ID twin cousins and I have never been able to tell them apart.

I think a sticker is a good idea, because the teacher is actually trying to treat them as singletons and not just one half of a set of twins. It will make it a lot easier for her to learn which it which in a busy classroom.

purpleroses Thu 04-Oct-12 17:44:25

I know a couple of sets of identical twins, who I can now tell apart smile

But what helped me to do so was taking note at the start of each day I spent with them of who was wearing what, so from that time onwards I knew that X was the one in the red jumper, or whatever. Then I found that as I looked at them (knowing for certain who I was looking at because I'd taken note of the clothing) I could start to pick out differences in their faces, the way they moved, etc, and eventually could tell whatever they were wearing.

So what I'm saying is that you may actually make it easier for the teachers (and the other kids) to learn to tell them apart if you do something to let them know who's who. Different clothing would be fine, rather than stickers, but best if it's something the same each day (eg one of them always has the blue shoes, the other has red)

SuperB0F Thu 04-Oct-12 17:45:45

DaisyTwoStraps is a brilliant nickname. As is the OP's.

AnOldieButNotSoGoody Thu 04-Oct-12 17:48:26

I've heard this quite a few times from mothers of twins.

I don't get it.

Why make life harder for other people who are with your children a large chunk of time.

miaowmix Thu 04-Oct-12 17:48:28

I can only tell my identical twin nieces apart since they dyed their hair (they are 21), so yabu. DD has a set of identical twins in her class and I hate myself for doing it, but I end up calling them 'the girls' to their faces as I can never work out which is which. So give the teacher a break smile.

YouOldSlag Thu 04-Oct-12 17:49:29

identical twins both wearing school uniform and you're annoyed with the teacher for struggling? YABU OP.

You seem almost affronted that the teacher doesn't get the slight difference in face shape/eye shape. YABu and precious. Teachers want to do their job and treat your children as individuals, why on earth won't you help them? a hairband, a hairstyle, a cardigan instead of a jumper, it won't be hard!

littlebrownmouse Thu 04-Oct-12 17:52:21

All our reception kids wear name badges for the first term so that the staff and children in the rest of the school get to know them. They are proper laminated badges with their name and a picture on. It also helps with the twin thing.

BlueberryHill Thu 04-Oct-12 17:53:00

Soup Dragon speaking as a precious twin mother and auntie, there are always differences, some people cannot be bothered to try to tell them apart. One twin is blonde the other brunette, some people still couldn't work it out.

ItalianForSnow Thu 04-Oct-12 17:53:54

Also, just when you think you have it straight in your head which one has a slightly slimmer face, the holidays arrive and they come back to nursery and their faces have matured a little more and the distinguishing feature has evaporated.

I hated not knowing which twin was which when we had them at preschool. It felt so rude checking all the time. Photo observations were also hellish to figure out. Some children managed to tell them apart others didn't. So it's not just the staff you would be helping.

YUNoSaySomethingNice Thu 04-Oct-12 17:59:10

I would give them different haircuts. My friend had identical girls and even though I knew them really well and babysat them they were very hard to tell apart. If i could see them face on i could tell the difference but otherwise it was vey difficult. She eventually started to have their hair cut in different styles. It was less 'cute' but much easier for everyone to tell them apart. If you want to promote them being thought of as two individuals rather than 'the twins' you will have to make it easy for everyone to identify them.

If you purposely try and keep them looking as identical as possible you shouldn't be surprised if people can't tell them apart. confused i don't think it is the least bit unreasonable for the teacher to ask for an easy way to tell them apart but it is up to you and your DT how to do it.

bumperella Thu 04-Oct-12 18:19:41

I used to teach overseas and once had identical twins in a class- they were 4-y-o. They were easy to see and treat as individuals because their parents purposely cut their hair differently and dressed them differently, so no initial confusion, even if they weren't facing me.
I don't think dressing them diffferently or using stickers or whatever will make people lazy about learning how to distinguish them. They'll soon learn the entertainmnet value of swapping clothes/ribbons/stickers and teachers (And classmates) will soon learn to avoid that trap.

VivaLeBeaver Thu 04-Oct-12 18:22:56


My dd is best friends with identical twins. DD can tell them apart, me not so much. And they are here for their tea most evenings! I'm better if they're both there as their face shape is slightly different but if only one is infront of me I have no hope.

If you don't do it then you can't blame the teacher if she never has a scooby which one is which.

poorbuthappy Thu 04-Oct-12 18:28:12

I can't tell my girls apart and I've known them all their lives.
When they are both on a photo I can work it out.
When it's separate photos I struggle along with everyone else.

katieelh Thu 04-Oct-12 18:29:21

I've got identical twins too so I feel you pain. I wouldn't want to label them as the staff should make the effort but I would compromise and say one will always wear blue and the other red, that way the staff can tell at a glance who is who until they learn the subtle difference. Mine are now at school but seperate classes so its not a problem.

JustSpiro Thu 04-Oct-12 18:34:18

YABVU - your children are not the only one's in the classroom. It is unfair to expect a teacher to waste minutes at a time scrutinising your children for minute differences when they, quite frankly, have more important things to be doing with their time and you can make life so much easier for everyone by doing one simple thing.

Assuming they don't wear uniform, what about putting them in different colours rather than actually 'labelling' them. We have very identical twins where I work - one always wears blue and one always wears green - problem solved and no-one is being 'labelled'.

EverybodysCryEyed Thu 04-Oct-12 18:34:37

The first week of dd's nursery I had I stay wih her. A mum left her two year old identical twins with identical outfits. The staff were having a terrible time!

I don't understand why you would make it harder than it needs to be!

babybythesea Thu 04-Oct-12 18:42:56

I don't quite get the 'I want them to be individuals so i don't want to mark them out as different from each other' argument. Seems a bit backwards. Surely if you want them to be recognised as individuals, helping the teacher to work out which is which is the way forward.
My best friend is a twin. I think she looks very different from her sister. And then sometimes I get it wrong. (So do her children, sometimes, climbing on their Auntie and saying 'Mum...').
My nieces are also twins. For ages, one had glasses the other didn't. It was great - you could use it as a marker while you figured out the other differences. Now neither wear glasses and I can tell them apart if you give me a few seconds but quickly, or on Skype with a slightly distorted picture(they live in New Zealand so we don't see them often!) it can be really hard. They hate thinking I haven't recognised them so I go to extraordinary lengths in a conversation to get them to drop hints.
The teacher hasn't known them long. She's asked for help precisely to avoid lumping them together, so she can pick them out as individuals. They are far more likely to be lumped together if they look basically the same. The teacher is clearly trying, but she has another 28 kids to deal with. She will learn, but you seem to be expecting her to achieve in a day or two, a few hours per day, what you have had several years to do. Plus, she's got another 28 kids and a job to do.

SoupDragon Thu 04-Oct-12 18:55:34

Blueberryhill where did I call you precious? And I know there are differences thanks. That's why I said that it's easier to tell which is which when you have them both in front of you.

I could tell the ID twins in my year at Primary school apart easily as I got to know them well. I have no idea which is which out of the twins in DDs year.

Himalaya Thu 04-Oct-12 19:00:16

Could you cut one's hair with a fringe and the other without. Or one short one long? I don't think you can expect teachers to study eye-shape to tell who is who.

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