This comes on the back of an earlier thread where several posters were quite nasty and somehow made out that if you aren't married you are just "shacked-up" and your relationship with your partner's kids is somehow inferior to what it would be if you are married.
BTW, DS's father (who I was married to) buggered off and left us destitute. Marriage wasn't much of a commitment to him, was it? Didn't make him a very good dad.
I walked away from that thread because I felt some of the posts were unnecessary and verging on abusive. But it highlighted an incident that happened shortly afterwards and although I suspect many people will have quite different view from mine, I thought I'd risk the fray once more.
A couple of weeks ago DP and I went to DC 1 + 2's parent's evening at their primary school. I introduced DP as DS's stepdad. DP also introduced me to DSD's teacher as her step-mum.
Now, I know that we aren't married, but we are in a committed relationship. We both gave up a lot to live together, and we both agreed that we are a family.
I have had a few not so good boyfriends. I always knew quite early on that something wasn't quite right, so I was cautious. However, with DP I have no fears about the stability of our relationship. DP is my best friend, and I know he feels the same. We are soul mates. Whatever happens in the future, we will be there for each other, and we will care for our partner's children as our own. I know this because he isn't a vindictive person, and has a civil, if cold relationship with his ex. Our parents live locally and also refer to ALL the children as "grandchildren". DP's kids also refer to their mum's partner as their step-dad too, so she seems happy with that.
I know several families where the parents aren't married, and yet the respective kids/parents etc are referred to as step-whatever. So it just seemed normal for us to be step-mum, step-dad, rather than "my mum's boyfriend" or whatever which is a mouthful at best and doesn't at all reflect the relationship that we have with the kids or each other. I mean, it's fine in a short term relationship, but once you are committed, it's a bit rubbish really, especially in the long run.
So AIBU to be a tad miffed at DS's teacher, for telling my DS that he hasn't got a step family at all because we aren't married, just days after being introduced to DP as step-dad?
And, isn't it a bit old fashioned?
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AIBU?
to be annoyed at DS's teachers
38 replies
missymarmite · 04/10/2012 14:54
OP posts:
tiggytape ·
04/10/2012 19:10
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