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To have told him i can't have sex?

(147 Posts)
janflan Thu 04-Oct-12 10:08:31

I've got myself into a situation. I've been chatting to this bloke for a few weeks on fb and by text. He's someone i used to know a while back but don't really know him that well.

We planned to meet and i may have led him on a bit. Due to circumstances i thought meeting up wouldn't be for a while and i could have lots of wine and it would be dark.

Now he wants to take the day off and come over tomorrow! In the daylight! He's younger than me by quite a bit and is fit in more ways than one. I'm not in any way!

There's no way i can have sex with him in the daylight without wine with only a day to prepare! I'd need a new outfit and my hair, eyebrows and nails done and a hedge trimmer

I've just sent him a message basically saying that i know i might have led him on but i can't have sex with someone I've just met. That i do really like him but think coffee might be best.

He's been constantly texting me all day and now he's gone quiet.

cheekybarsteward Thu 04-Oct-12 10:10:02

Well, you already have your answer then don't you?

flyoverthegoldenhill Thu 04-Oct-12 10:10:18

why does he think sex is on the cards for tomorrow ?

HaveALittleFaith Thu 04-Oct-12 10:12:07

He expects you to fall into bed with him on the first date? hmm Even if you have been flirting unless you said When we meet up I'll shag you senseless ..... I think you're better off without him if he's like that.

janflan Thu 04-Oct-12 10:13:04

Phew he just text me saying he completely understands and didn't think he'd be jumping straight into my pants and that he's flattered that i fancy him! Is he crazy?

DelhiCalling Thu 04-Oct-12 10:13:10

He obviously doesn't like you much if he only wanted to meet you when he thought you may have sex.sounds like you had a lucky escape!

Solo Thu 04-Oct-12 10:16:22

What HALF said! though you don't have to have sex with anyone you don't want to even if you had promised to shag him senseless on first meeting. If he doesn't get back to you for just coffee, then you've had a lucky escape as he just wants a shag.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts Thu 04-Oct-12 10:17:55

You don't have someone back to your house when you've never met them. Is that what he was expecting?? To just come over?

Solo Thu 04-Oct-12 10:17:57

Maybe when you meet him, he'll be one of those men that their voice and personality don't match their 'fitness' grin this has never happened to me!

flyoverthegoldenhill Thu 04-Oct-12 10:17:57

janflan see you got all stressed out for nothing. Now get to the hair dressers !

HaveALittleFaith Thu 04-Oct-12 10:22:15

Just organise to meet him for coffee and see how you get on!

janflan Thu 04-Oct-12 10:22:21

I have met him i knew him a while back. We discussed where to go and i was going to go to him but at night. I can't go out at night at the moment and don't want him to come here when the kids are home so thought school time was best. I work from home anyway and he's going to take the day off.

janflan Thu 04-Oct-12 10:37:36

I thought he thought we'd be having sex because we did have a conversation about what we were going to do when we met! (blush)

flyoverthegoldenhill Thu 04-Oct-12 10:43:24

Jan !

janflan Thu 04-Oct-12 10:46:16

I know! I thought it was so far away and full of wine it would be ok. Now i feel like a twat cause he's probably thinking i love myself so much i expect him to want sex with me.

piratecat Thu 04-Oct-12 10:46:26

take the pressure off, he's text back and doesn't expect it.

meet for a coffee, flirt in person, and then next time you meet you will feel more comfortable.

piratecat Thu 04-Oct-12 10:47:22

that's your confidence lacking op.

you've already met before, he wouldn't be talking to you if he didn't find you attractive!! honest.

janflan Thu 04-Oct-12 10:47:40

Yes that sounds like a good idea.

janflan Thu 04-Oct-12 10:49:12

I know but last time i saw him was about 4 yrs and 3st ago!

AllYoursBabooshka Thu 04-Oct-12 11:08:29

You sound like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself when it comes to sex with that little check list.

Relax! It should be fun and come naturally if you have chemistry and any man who "expects it" isn't worth your time.

AllYoursBabooshka Thu 04-Oct-12 11:08:46


AllYoursBabooshka Thu 04-Oct-12 11:09:23

Argh, never mind.

I'm eating brunch and typing.grin

janflan Thu 04-Oct-12 11:13:59

I know what you meant. I know it's supposed to be fun but i haven't had sex with anyone but ex in 8yrs so it's all a bit scary!

HaveALittleFaith Thu 04-Oct-12 11:17:54

All the more reason not to rush it! IME Internet/text flirting does not immediately convert to RL flirting! Everyone changes as they grow up. I bet he doesn't look exactly like he did when you last saw him. He's seen your FB so he knows how you look now! Just organise to meet up with him for coffee. In fact a day time meet might take the pressure off a bit. If he's a decent bloke he won't rush you into bed.

janflan Thu 04-Oct-12 11:36:10

Hmm well my fb photos are heavily censored. Mainly head shots only. I can't just text him and tell him I'm fat can i? I mean i was last time but not as much as this. Plus it was dark in a pub.

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