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AIBU to think that this is an awfully long time for a son not to contact his mother?

(77 Posts)
dopishe Thu 04-Oct-12 09:36:03

A close friend of mine's son is having marital troubles; my friend gave her (adult) son advice on these troubles. Sixteen weeks later, she has not heard anything from him-they live 500 miles apart- I'm sure he is safe through friends of friends, but he has made no attempt to contact his mum for 16 weeks. AIBU to think there's something up, that he 'turned' against her or something?

squeakytoy Thu 04-Oct-12 09:37:10

Has she made any attempt to contact him? it is a two way street...

HeadfirstForHalos Thu 04-Oct-12 09:38:11

So she hasn't called him either? It works both ways.

dopishe Thu 04-Oct-12 09:40:53

I don't think she has; but she is very proud and wouldn't say if she had. I am concerned for her, as 16 weeks is heading into estrangement territory IYSWIM.

dopishe Thu 04-Oct-12 09:42:21

I know people cannot always contact each other if travelling etc, but they both live in the UK and have telephones.

Trills Thu 04-Oct-12 09:42:54

If she has not called him and is waiting for him to call her than SIBU - if she wants to speak to him she should call him.

If you think it's any of your business than YABU

cozietoesie Thu 04-Oct-12 09:44:25

He might not want to give her bad news - or might be in a difficult position which he'd rather not discuss, so isn't phoning her because he knows she'll ask. Sometimes, also, these things can stretch and embed so that the longer you don't call, the harder it is to actually pick up the phone.

Personally, I'd advise her to drop him a jolly letter or two, not mentioning the issues at all but just letting him know news from home and daft everyday things. That should ease them back into talking again.

Best of luck to them.

CMOTDibbler Thu 04-Oct-12 09:45:31

My brother (no probs in his life) will easily not contact my parents for 9 or 10 weeks if they don't ring him repeatedly until he happens to be home.
He's just not bothered by talking to them, and maybe your friends son is the same

anewyear Thu 04-Oct-12 09:48:14

My Dh doesnt contact his mum for weeks on end, then again his mum doesnt contact him unless she wants needs something.
We only live 4 miles away.

Im the one one who calls/goes round to see if shes ok.

dopishe Thu 04-Oct-12 09:48:37

Yes, time is going on and a letter might help. I know some people don't contact for a while and that is normal for them, but they usually speak every 8 weeks or so.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts Thu 04-Oct-12 09:50:27

MY DH sometimes leaves it too long. He contacts his Dad regularly but his Mum gets on his nerves a lot so he will leave it and leave it....not as long as 16 weeks because I usually mention it.

But if this man has nobody to mention it, then it could go on and on.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts Thu 04-Oct-12 09:50:44

I second a letter.

boredandrestless Thu 04-Oct-12 09:50:56

Why doesn't she just call him and ask how he is??

What was the "advice" she gave him? Unless he specifically asks for marriage advice I think she would be best not doing so. Did he ask??

thebody Thu 04-Oct-12 09:51:07

If he is having problems then why is she 'proud'??? Why is she wringing about her emotional state, her son is the one who needs support.

Strange people.

squeakytoy Thu 04-Oct-12 09:51:53

Was the advice she gave to him unsolicited? Being proud is rather silly, it is her own son, she should just swallow the pride and call him.

thebody Thu 04-Oct-12 09:53:24

Oh god non no no letter. The work of the devil.

A letter caused a 3 year estrangement between my parents and sister as once written down comments and opinions can be read and re read.

Phone or get in her bloody car and go see if he is ok.

missymoomoomee Thu 04-Oct-12 09:58:00

If I were you I would ask MNHQ to change the amount of miles to 'some distance' and the amount of weeks to 'some months', its not going to help the situation (whatever it may be) at all if someone in her sons life stumbles on this and he thinks his mums friend is talking about him on the internet. I'm sure people in your friends life would recognise who you are talking about due to the specifics and if she is a proud person I doubt she would like it either.

HotBrickOfJizz Thu 04-Oct-12 09:58:47

Surely if she was that bothered she would have contacted him. You don't know the full story. My DH has not contacted his mother for months because she is toxic but she would probably tell her friends something similar.

dopishe Thu 04-Oct-12 10:11:39

The advice was for them to split up. She can be forthright and not mince her words. No use in expecting her sil to 'remind' him to call-my friend and my sil don't exactly get on.

missymoomoomee. With respect and I mean this nicely, I think it unlikely that anybody I know will read this.

HotBrickOfJizz Thu 04-Oct-12 10:12:42

And yes, missy, the op was quite specific. DH live miles away from MIL and haven't spoken to her for a similar length of time. It does sound rather familiar. Except we are not having marital difficulties although MIL would like to think so.

HotBrickOfJizz Thu 04-Oct-12 10:14:42

Ugh, I meant DH and I.

flyoverthegoldenhill Thu 04-Oct-12 10:14:56

Ha well mystery solved then ! I guess we'll soon be reading about her !

justmyview Thu 04-Oct-12 10:18:09

A close friend of mine's son is having marital troubles; my friend gave her (adult) son advice on these troubles.

The advice was for them to split up

Maybe your friend spoke out of turn and he's angry with her for interfering?

dopishe Thu 04-Oct-12 10:18:19

This may sound familiar, I agree, but I doubt this is a unique problem. smile

LemonBreeland Thu 04-Oct-12 10:20:31

I guess he's decided to stay with his wife then, and it makes it difficult to have contact with his Mum. Especially if, as a Man making it likely, he told his wife what his Mum said.

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