To be fed up with the fibs?

[nilbyname]

One of my very good friends has a very annoying habit of giving you the edited version of events of her life. Now we have been close for 15 years, she introduced me to my husband, we lived together, we travelled together. We have history.

BUT...she is very very careful about how she is perceived, and to that end she even tells me a load of shit. Let me give you an example.

At their wedding they did not have enough cash to pay for band. They were £150 short of a £700 bill. The groom was smashed and told me, and I offered to give him some £, but it was not enough to make up the shortfall. No big deal. Anyway...I get a text a week later asking me if I can drop the £ into the band guy as "he would not take it on the night". Now I KNOW it was because they were disorganised and short, and it s this kind of fabrication that annoys me, why lie? What does it matter, especially as we are close.

She does it all the time, full of silly bits of BS and I can't help but feel that I am forever getting this edited PR version of her life. I know this must mean she is very insecure, but at the same time, I want it to stop!

AIBU to start calling her on it?

[Nigglenaggle]

YABU. The lies are harmless. If she's your friend that means accepting her as she is.

[nilbyname]

Thanks for the input. Yes perhaps I shoudl let it go.

[Hassled]

I suppose it depends how close your friendship actually is, and how open a relationship it is. I think it would piss me off too - with my closest friends they get the warts and all version - i.e. sometimes we're skint/my DCs are winding me right up/DH is pissing me off today, that sort of thing. If I thought in return I was getting some sanitised version of their lives where nothing is ever shit, I'd be a bit hurt, I think.

[DaveMccave]

I think it depends on whether you think she is lying because she is insecure and scared of being judged, or because she's a rotten show off. I have known both. I would leave the first type be, and cut out or challenge the second type.

[CailinDana]

Hmm tough to say. Some of my friends, and my parents, get an edited version of my life because in the past they have shown themselves to be untrustworthy when it comes to difficult news. Either they have ignored it, or said something incredibly insensitive, or told someone they shouldn't have about it. But they are worth having as friends (or are family) and so I don't cut them out, I just keep them at arm's length by not telling them the full truth. If they ever called me on it I would tell them straight why I do it. My close friends get the warts and all version.

Do you think you could ask her why she does it? If you feel you can't then clearly she isn't that close a friend so I would let it go.

[Nigglenaggle]

Nilby I should have added I have a friend like this. We all have faults and this is hers. I honestly dont think she can stop herself sometimes. She is lovely otherwise so I just ignore it. I can usually tell when she's lying and the lies are never malicious - this is probably the deciding factor in whether to ignore it I think.