to think being hungover at your child's birthday party is not on?

[Turniphead1]

Background - DH and I are generally very relaxed about the other one going out. Neither of us do that often - but I never get het up about the fact that he might be rather useless the next day if it's been a big night.

BUT...in two weeks time we have DD's birthday party (a horseriding trip for a couple of her friends and taking them out to Pizza Express afterwards) that I am doing on my own on the Friday after school as he will be in work. I will get back about 8.30 by the time I have left them all home.

DH now reveals he plans going out that night for what sounds like quite a big boys get together after I get in and when I reminded him it was our DS's birthday party at 10am (yes, not great planning having the two parties back to back) he laughed ruefully and said "ahhh I will have to struggle through it".

I am raging. I really think that (a) a birthday party in our home for 15 kids is a huge amount of work and I could do with a hand the night before and someone not hungover helping me that morning and (b) your kids birthday party is not to be "got through" - well maybe just a bit [hmmm] but not having had 6 hours sleep and 8 pints.

So apparently when expressing the thought that he might go out - but take it relatively easy and get home at a decent hour - I am being unreasonable and "fine he won't go". I have a fair idea that the defensive reaction is because he knows bloody rightly that IANBU.

But maybe I am?

[thebody]

Well you can't stop him he's an adult and if you play cats bum face he will turn it on you as if he's not allowed to go out.

If he does kick him out of bed usual time, make him take full part in the party.

That's punishment.. And with your dh on this 'getting through' kids parties, totally agree with him and would never dream of booking one that early on a sat morning S I like a lie in and suspect most parents would as well.

Best of luck though and hope dd has a great time.

[cardibach]

10am does sound a bit early...
I would not turn down the opportunity to go out if I were him(as long as you have your opportunities too) and 'getting through' is about all anyone does with kids' parties. YABU.

[IdCalUaCuntBtUvNtGotTheDepth]

yanbu, make sure he works through party

[mercibucket]

You could always leave him to do the saturday party

Hmmm on the whole, not that awful to get pissed up the night before but sounds like you're doing a lot that weekend. Then again, I am guessing you planned it that way? (Shivers at mere idea of back to back parties and 10am)

[IdCalUaCuntBtUvNtGotTheDepth]

Also I woudl be really pissed off if I was expected to leave my child at someone;s house alone with an obviously hung over parent.

[ShatnersBassoon]

YABU to want him to cancel a night out in case he ends up with a hangover. Let him suffer the consequences of his actions.

How would you feel if he was trying to stop you having a night out on the off chance the hangover left you incapable of blowing up balloons and looking cheerful?

[Leaveitalready]

It depends. Only YOU know how your DP will be.
Some people will be a bit slow and yawny the next day but help out all the same. Others will be grouchy, unhelpful and annoying the next day.

I dont think anyone on here cam say YANBU or YABU because only you and your DP know what he is like on a hangover.

If a hangover means hes an unhelpful, miserae PITA the next day then YANBU.

If he' just be tired, bleary eyed and yawny but help you regardless them YABU.

I did just contradict myself though.

[YUNoSaySomethingNice]

YABU. I would not mind him going out. I am sure he will be ok for the party. You could get him help with the preparations when he gets home from work on the Friday.
How old is DS? If the parents are staying they will help with the party.

[gordyslovesheep]

I am confused ...is it a party at home for 15 kids or a horse riding trip with a couple of mates then pizza?

[Turniphead1]

It wasn't originally planned to have the parties back to back - this happened due to the fact we are away the following weekend. The saturday party was due to availability of the entertainer. I tend to go for 10am - 12noon parties because ime, most parents of small kids tend to be up pretty early anyway - and it leaves people with a decentish saturday if they have other things to do.

The friday night ended up being the case because the horseriding place had no other availability.

Just not quite clear why going out but taking it easy isn't an option. I had a girls night offer that night - but wild horses wouldn't entice me to go. I guess it comes down to the fact that he knows he just has to BE at the party. I have to RUN it.

Its noticeable that he will never countenance a big night out when he has an important golf match the next day...

[Turniphead1]

Gordy - sorry not clearly explained. My DD turns 9 then (she is the friday night horesriding trip) my DS turns 7 three days later (he is saturday morning party in the house). I also have a three year old - but luckily she is just after Christmas ... //grin

[YUNoSaySomethingNice]

15 seven year old boys.... ARE YOU MAD!!?

You will probably need a few drinks yourself

Good luck you may need it

[BarredfromhavingStella]

Lol at Eleanor-I was actually thinking the same

[monkeysbignuts]

let him go out but get the kids to get him up at the normal time in the morning!!
I went out once and came home about 1am could not sleep till gone 4am & had the kids bouncing all over me at 7am!! I have never done it since, taught me a bloody hard lesson lol. let him go and make him suffer the consequence the next day. good luck.

[mum11970]

It's not the end of the world if he's a hungover. I tend to find men are not much use at kids' parties anyway. I'm pretty sure everytime we've had a party my dh has been at work all morning and just turned up at the venue and chatted to any dad that happened to have drawn the short straw and had to turn up with their child.

[Turniphead1]

Yup being drunk at these events is always a good call.
He's also going golfing for most of Sunday so that is probably part if it too.

[flossy101]

YANBU!

IMO if your taking your dd to her party on the Friday, when you get home he should let you out your feet up or at least be helping you with getting the house ready for your ds party. I wouldn't be happy, you'll have enough on with sorting out 15 kids plus trying to get your DH up and moving! Tell him to stay in :)

[DaveMccave]

YABU. Unless he is the type to get SO ill with a hangover he is throwing up all day. Just make it quite clear to him that he is not to get in past 2am, and he is to drink plenty of water. I have heard milk thistle is a miracle cure the night before for those who suffer from hangovers, might be worth getting in.

I'd also make it quite clear that he has to help with the preparations before he goes out, and that he has to join in with everything regardless or he is doing all of the next years party's on his own.

I'd not thank you if I received a party invitation for 10am on a saturday! Eurgh. Saturdays are not for rushing out of bed and getting small children fed and dressed and out the house on time. Not everyone's kids get up at the crack of dawn.

[Turniphead1]

Don't come to our fab party with like real animals, hungover dads and stuff then Dave sticks tongue out

[Allegrogirl]

I'm going out the night before my DDs 5th birthday party which starts at 11.00. I must be a terrible mother.

If I'm stupid enough to have a hangover that's my problem but I'll still be running the party. Sometimes a mild hangover can take your mind off the grimness of these things though. Didn't occur to me that other parents would notice or care.

[BlueSkySinking]

make a list of all the jobs, decide between you who will do what and then ask him what time he plans to get up to complete his jobs?

[perfectstorm]

I think he's being an arse, yes. Fine to go out with the guys, but not when his wife is managing his kids' back-to-back parties. He's behaving like the children aren't his equally shared responsibility, he just helps out. I hate that attitude. DH comes out with it sometimes - rarely, but sometimes - and it makes me seethe. And he "reveals" he's going out, rather than discusses it with you? What would happen if you'd made your own plans with friends? But oh wait, you wouldn't, because it's your child's birthday party the next day.

YANBU.

[perfectstorm]

I wouldn't care if a parent had a hangover if my kid were at a party, though. My favourite parties involve the parents getting booze, too. Makes the whole thing bearable!

The telling you he's out for the night is what really gets to me with this one, tbh. If he asked for a babysitter to be arranged so you could both go out that'd be one thing, but "reveals" he's out with the boys? When you've just got back from a full day of dealing with DD & friends? And are facing all DS' the next day?

[Nagoo]

I don't think the kids will notice, so it's not really about having a hangover at his child's party.

It that he is saying that the party is your responsibility and he will just have to be there, rather than do anything.

That would piss me off as well. But truthfully, even if he were on all cylinders, you would probably be more active in orchestrating it all, wouldn't you?

So really, it doesn't matter too much if he is hung over.

But I don't like that answer so despite me thinking that he is right and you aren't, I am going to say YANBU because I relate to the situation and it would get on my tits as well. Even though it didn't really matter to anyone but me [conflicted]