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to be insulted by charity leaflet being used as my birthday card?

(73 Posts)
downtonscullery Wed 03-Oct-12 13:17:54

My DH has a very difficult relationship with his family. His parents are what you would describe as toxic and his sister always takes their parents side. His parents have actually come out and told me that they dislike me (one reason being because I work and they think I should be at home fulltime with the dcs). As a result we rarely see DH's parents or his sister.

Anyway, it was my birthday last week and a card came from my SIL. Except it wasn't a birthday card it was a charity leaflet from a famous charity with information about how you can donate, the work they do etc. Inside she'd written happy birthday. I was a bit puzzled when I opened it and saw it had been used as my birthday card and thought to myself 'well I wish she hadn't bothered!' but that was it.

Yesterday a friend came round and saw the leaflet and was shocked, said I should feel insulted that SIL thought all I was worth was a charity leaflet for a card when you can buy cheap birthday cards. Now I think about it I am feeling a bit put out. I'd rather she hadn't sent anything rather than re-using a leaflet. Ironically what do you think came in the post today? Yep a leaflet from the same charity complete with its own envelope, pen, bookmark and coaster. She'd obviously received the same pack in the post and re-used.

I'm now thinking about returning the leaflet to SIL with a note saying something along the lines of 'I am insulted you have sent me this, in future don't bother'. AIBU to do this??

catgirl1976 Wed 03-Oct-12 13:20:06

Wait till her birthday, then send her a "card" fashioned from a crisp packet

RubberNeckerNicker Wed 03-Oct-12 13:21:37

YANBU, but you already say they are toxic so I would just ignore as it is obviously designed to upset you, don't give SIL the rise she is looking for.

What was the charity BTW? I'd be tempted to get her some kind of related charity gift or donation for her own birthday.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Wed 03-Oct-12 13:22:01

Ywbu to send it back. You know she's a horrible person, why would you want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that she has upset you so much that you have gone to the bother of posting it back. She isn't worthy of that much effort. She won't care that she has insulted you, she will be happy that she has had an impact on your life.

RubixCube Wed 03-Oct-12 13:22:13

No No No.Dont tell her its insulting to you.It sounds likes she done it to get a rise out of you.Don't let her know it has.

jumpingjackhash Wed 03-Oct-12 13:22:40

Well you start your post saying it's a difficult relationship and you don't really see her, so I'd not be arsed, tbh.

If she deliberately sent it to wind you up or upset you, do you really want to play into her hands by letting her know you're insulted? I do think it's a v odd thing for her to do otherwise though.

Just ignore it - or when you next see her, thank her for the imaginative card (perhaps even make a donation in her name and let her know for extra cheek grin).

JoshLyman Wed 03-Oct-12 13:23:14

Why are you bothered? You don't like each other, you don't see her much. I'd just shrug it off and let her get on with her silly games. Doing what you suggest will only give her ammunition.

halcyondays Wed 03-Oct-12 13:25:13

Yanbu to be insulted but just ignore it. Nobody would send a charity leaflet as a birthday card unless they were trying I wind you up, so don't rise to it.

ilovetermtime Wed 03-Oct-12 13:25:30

What everyone else has said. Don't rise to it.

Inertia Wed 03-Oct-12 13:30:31

Don't bother reacting. Don't let it hurt you.

(Though I'd be tempted to text saying how much you love her idea of recycling junk mail to make cards, and you have really taken her environmental beliefs on board. So much so, in fact, that for her birthday you'll be sending a card made from a cereal packet, and a gift of home made compost.)

IneedAsockamnesty Wed 03-Oct-12 13:30:59

pen coaster and card so rather likly to be the british red cross, who put a actual card in the pack you get and ask you to use it instead of buying a card to help share how to donate and if you wish you can send them a donation in exchange for keeping the pen and coaster using the card.
cream background with a red roses on?

if she used the actual charity card yabu but if she used the letter thats printed on normal paper not card and in letter form and she just folded it and turned it into a card yanbu.

but if it didnt bother you why do anything?

gwenniebee Wed 03-Oct-12 13:33:53

I have received the same package from that charity so I know which one you're talking about - I think they're quite nice cards and I certainly wouldn't describe it as a leaflet. However, I do think it's a bit odd to use it as your birthday card, unless maybe she had a panic that she hadn't got you anything and thought that was better than nothing.

I have kept and used the cards I've had from them for thank you notes and things, and I'm sure no-one has been insulted by them.

quesadilla Wed 03-Oct-12 13:44:46

YANBU. But I wouldn't rise to it in any way, she's almost certainly trying to provoke a reaction.

DorisIsWaiting Wed 03-Oct-12 13:45:02

I kept the same (tight but hey!) I haven't actually had the need to use one yet (not actually sure I ever will...) But given the background between you she either couldn't be arsed, forgot and grabbed the nearest thing or did it as a deliberate attempt to wind you up.

Rise above it, really she's just not worth the headspace.

squeakytoy Wed 03-Oct-12 13:47:54

I got one of those packs, with the coaster and the two blank cards. I cant see anything wrong with using one of them as a birthday card.

diddl Wed 03-Oct-12 13:50:08

I wouldn´t do anything-especially as it didn´t bother you that much until someone else mentioned it.

As for SILs bday-don´t stoop to her level, but either send a proper card or none at all-depending on how you feel.

My sister doesn´t "do" cards-well, when she can be bothered.

And always a Christmas card that arrives in November!


perfectstorm Wed 03-Oct-12 13:50:56

I think sending it back would be pointless. If she did it to insult you, then you give her what she wanted. If she didn't, then you'd be in the wrong. If you dislike one another anyway then nothing's been lost - I'd just shrug and move on.

In fairness I've had one of that kind of card from someone I was fond of - but she is a hippy type who often makes cards as well out of old ones, which I like and understand. Context is really important, I know.

jimswifein1964 Wed 03-Oct-12 13:51:20

If it is the Red cross ones <how come I got cards but no coaster?!> , then I think its great that they are being used as intended.... as cards, to promote the work of the Brit Red Cross. Plus it better for the planet than buying another card.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Wed 03-Oct-12 13:51:48

It's a card with red roses on isn't it? It is a proper card in my opinion. I used mine to reply to a wedding invitation and would be very upset if the bride and groom thought that I was being in any way inappropriate.

musicismylife Wed 03-Oct-12 13:52:39

Iwould save your energy and stick to your original reaction.

If you weren't bothered at the beginning, why on earth are you bothered now? Oh yeah, because your (helpful and not shit-stirring in the slightest) friend thought she would wind you up too.

Press the ignore button, hun, on both of them.

talkingnonsense Wed 03-Oct-12 15:43:21

If you don't use those cards it's even more wasteful of resources. Assuming it was the card, not the letter, YABU.

GuybrushThreepwodWasHere Wed 03-Oct-12 15:49:06

Don't sink to her level. It's not worth it

YouMayLogOut Wed 03-Oct-12 15:55:23

She's looking for a reaction. Just ignore - and treat yourself to something nice instead smile

DesperatelySeekingPomBears Wed 03-Oct-12 16:07:59

Personally, I disagree with those saying its okay to use a freebie charity card as a birthday card. Responses to wedding invitations and thank you cards are very generic, birthday cards are supposed to be a sign that you're thinking about the recipient on their special day. They don't have to be expensive but they should demonstrate a bit of thought.

Goldenjubilee10 Wed 03-Oct-12 16:16:08

I use the cards to send letters to the teachers at school when dc's have been absent or have appointments. I'm sure they appreciate them!

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