to feel annoyed...

[boiledprat]

that my dad still insists he is dealing with a teenager and not a very grown up mother of four children?!?

I don't think he can help himself! I'm going to visit him next week and he's already started, I am now regretting it but will try to bite my tongue as it's a short holiday and he's not too well. I mention buying a roof rack as I'd forgotten how much space we'd need. He INSISTS that I don't need one (keeps pushing his own illogical and unreasonable opinions onto me) and if I sigh and explain that NO I definitely do, he gives me the guilt treatment, it is so frustrating!
I mention a meet up I'll be having with old friends, he asks me why friend Y is not coming and how it would be a great idea to have everyone together and why don't i invite her. I explain i will see her at a separate place, not my place to invite others, the meet up is in friend's house. He still goes on to say 'Yes but I think it would be better then you only have one outing to worry about too and can see everyone at once'
I mentioned that I need to buy a portable air-conditioning unit when I arrive and that a friend is kind enough to pick us up in bigger car to pick it up. Apparently I do not need it, they don't even work and not to worry he can take me out!!!!!
If i ask him something, like when I needed an important document, he said you'll have to call X place in London before we can do anything. I said okay, I'll make sure that's in place first. He then tells me word for word what I need to say when I make the call I thought this would pass with my having kids and being independent but obviously not.
Is this just a dad needing a friendly 'Please dad stop doing this' or AIBU to want to scream and tell him to 'butt out'. If i do, he will sulk and not ask me anything -- my parents are hard work :(

[Convict224]

My Dad can be a bit controlling too, just on some things....like driving. Aaaargh.

My Mum was much worse. She told me, (I was married, in my thirties with two children) that as her daughter I still had to do as she told me and my husband had to do as she told me to tell him. It was hard work for a few years.

I have two adult sons, both with wonderful partners and I have to bite my tongue when I see them making poor decisions. Bite really hard. Sometimes I just think feck it and tell them what I think.

No one told me parenting was forever. I had hoped that by say 25, my sons would be..... um...... imagos. Perfect and fully formed. My Dad says the same but his age is 55.

We are both disappointed........

[Bubblemoon]

If I were kind of heart I might suggest your Dad thinks he's being useful to you by offering sage advise and that your plan for a friendly "Please stop" conversation will do the trick. If I'm being honest I think it might come to the sreaming "Butt Out" plan. In the meantime this poem might help..

www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/178055.

[TheArmadillo]

Don't justify your choices to him. If he asks why friend y is not coming, say 'its not convenient' or something but don't get drawn into a discussion. Tell him 'it's not your decision'.

It'll take a while but the only way to get him to stop is to not participate.

[madasa]

When I was late forties my dad was still questioning why I hadn't eaten my vegetables....was I going to put a coat on before going out...did I need him to come with me to pick my daughter up....I used to turn it into a joke.
He died last year...I'd give anything to hear him nag me to eat my vegetables!

Ear muffs maybe?

Hope you have a good holiday :)

[boiledprat]

Thanks it's not just me then. Tbh he still unnerves me but I do love him to bits. I still get nervous telling him my plans with the children as I did at 18 explaining a night out and asking permission (yup and at 21)

[boiledprat]

Sorry to hear about your dad
Can't imagine what I'd do without the old fart

[madasa]

boiledprat my mother used to have the same effect on me and my sister.

I remember my sister being terrified to tell my mother she was pregnant with her second child... she was 32 at the time!

[OnTheBottomWithAWomansWeekly]

My mum does this - I don't give her the ammunition - I just do things and tell her afterwards! (she has been known recently to tell me to wear a coat on my way out - I'm 43 soon...)

Does he take a joke - can you take the mick out of him? So long as you're not doing it too pointedly you could derail the conversation by being facetious.

I've a boss like this though - a micromanager - and would love to apply the above techniques to him - but unfortunately I have to nod and smile as I need my salary to pay the mortgage. Dealing with him would not just be a whole other thread, it would be a topic all of it's own!

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Oh, god, tell me about it!

My dad still offers to put me on the electoral roll at 'home' ... I have to explain patiently that, what with having left home ten years ago, married, and moved in with DH, I would really rather think of where I live as my home now!

He doesn't mean it badly.

I would agree with doing a little gentle joshing, if you can.