to feel annoyed...(10 Posts)
that my dad still insists he is dealing with a teenager and not a very grown up mother of four children?!?
I don't think he can help himself! I'm going to visit him next week and he's already started, I am now regretting it but will try to bite my tongue as it's a short holiday and he's not too well. I mention buying a roof rack as I'd forgotten how much space we'd need. He INSISTS that I don't need one (keeps pushing his own illogical and unreasonable opinions onto me) and if I sigh and explain that NO I definitely do, he gives me the guilt treatment, it is so frustrating!
I mention a meet up I'll be having with old friends, he asks me why friend Y is not coming and how it would be a great idea to have everyone together and why don't i invite her. I explain i will see her at a separate place, not my place to invite others, the meet up is in friend's house. He still goes on to say 'Yes but I think it would be better then you only have one outing to worry about too and can see everyone at once'
I mentioned that I need to buy a portable air-conditioning unit when I arrive and that a friend is kind enough to pick us up in bigger car to pick it up. Apparently I do not need it, they don't even work and not to worry he can take me out!!!!!
If i ask him something, like when I needed an important document, he said you'll have to call X place in London before we can do anything. I said okay, I'll make sure that's in place first. He then tells me word for word what I need to say when I make the call I thought this would pass with my having kids and being independent but obviously not.
Is this just a dad needing a friendly 'Please dad stop doing this' or AIBU to want to scream and tell him to 'butt out'. If i do, he will sulk and not ask me anything -- my parents are hard work
My Dad can be a bit controlling too, just on some things....like driving. Aaaargh.
My Mum was much worse. She told me, (I was married, in my thirties with two children) that as her daughter I still had to do as she told me and my husband had to do as she told me to tell him. It was hard work for a few years.
I have two adult sons, both with wonderful partners and I have to bite my tongue when I see them making poor decisions. Bite really hard. Sometimes I just think feck it and tell them what I think.
No one told me parenting was forever. I had hoped that by say 25, my sons would be..... um...... imagos. Perfect and fully formed. My Dad says the same but his age is 55.
We are both disappointed........
If I were kind of heart I might suggest your Dad thinks he's being useful to you by offering sage advise and that your plan for a friendly "Please stop" conversation will do the trick. If I'm being honest I think it might come to the sreaming "Butt Out" plan. In the meantime this poem might help..
Don't justify your choices to him. If he asks why friend y is not coming, say 'its not convenient' or something but don't get drawn into a discussion. Tell him 'it's not your decision'.
It'll take a while but the only way to get him to stop is to not participate.
When I was late forties my dad was still questioning why I hadn't eaten my vegetables....was I going to put a coat on before going out...did I need him to come with me to pick my daughter up....I used to turn it into a joke.
He died last year...I'd give anything to hear him nag me to eat my vegetables!
Ear muffs maybe?
Hope you have a good holiday
Thanks it's not just me then. Tbh he still unnerves me but I do love him to bits. I still get nervous telling him my plans with the children as I did at 18 explaining a night out and asking permission (yup and at 21)
Sorry to hear about your dad
Can't imagine what I'd do without the old fart
boiledprat my mother used to have the same effect on me and my sister.
I remember my sister being terrified to tell my mother she was pregnant with her second child... she was 32 at the time!
My mum does this - I don't give her the ammunition - I just do things and tell her afterwards! (she has been known recently to tell me to wear a coat on my way out - I'm 43 soon...)
Does he take a joke - can you take the mick out of him? So long as you're not doing it too pointedly you could derail the conversation by being facetious.
I've a boss like this though - a micromanager - and would love to apply the above techniques to him - but unfortunately I have to nod and smile as I need my salary to pay the mortgage. Dealing with him would not just be a whole other thread, it would be a topic all of it's own!
Oh, god, tell me about it!
My dad still offers to put me on the electoral roll at 'home' ... I have to explain patiently that, what with having left home ten years ago, married, and moved in with DH, I would really rather think of where I live as my home now!
He doesn't mean it badly.
I would agree with doing a little gentle joshing, if you can.
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