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AIBU?

To alter DS1's party invite?

36 replies

EllenJaneisstillnotmyname · 02/10/2012 23:46

OK, so STBEX H left a year ago after I found out about his OW. He has just recently moved in with OW and her DS into a large detached house and my DSs stay with them every other w/e and Tuesday teatimes. It's DS1's 14th birthday next week, closest to STBEX H's w/e so I suggested he might want to organise a birthday treat for DS1. (It's DS2's birthday this week and I've organised a friend to sleepover for that.) STBEX was fine with this and has arranged Go Karting for DS1 and 4 friends.

The DC are happy to see their dad and stay with him alt w/e s but don't want to extend it any more than that. We all still live in the house they have always lived in and their friends come here for tea etc. STBEX H dropped DS1 home after Explorers tonight with some invitations for his friends. He had hoped to give them all out at Explorers but 2 of them had already gone home, so DS brought them here. I couldn't resist a peek at them as they weren't in an envelope.

They read, 'Please come to DS's party on 14th October'

'Come to DS's house at 1.30 for Karting at 3.00. Then back for tea and stuff at DS's.'

Then a picture of a Go Kart and at the bottom in small print, STBEX's new address, email, home phone no and mobile no.

IABU to want to alter this to read, 'Please come to DS's dad's house?'

The friends have all been here, 2 are primary school friends since reception and have been here hundreds of times and the other 2 have also been here for tea/hanging out. They have never been to STBEX H's house and I am sure that they think of my house as being DS's.

I think they may come here by mistake. They all live within walking distance of my house, but STBEX H lives a couple of miles away across town.

I can't decide if IBU or if this invitation would read really strangely to others. Am I letting my emotional response get the better of me?

OP posts:

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Thumbwitch · 02/10/2012 23:49

I think it makes perfect sense to clarify which address to go to on the invitation! Otherwise yes, you'll end up with half of them at your house instead. Although instead of DS's Dad's house, perhaps an arrow to the circled address at the bottom would be quicker and less messy?

sausagesandwich34 · 02/10/2012 23:52

you are being emotional -sorry

your stbexh's house is your dcs other home and no reason for it to be described as anything else
plus they are teenagers and I'm guessing they can either read the address and realise it's different, or that they may actually talk to each other about it

I would be more concerned that they had such different birthday parties -1 having a sleepover and the other karting -you might want to find a better solution next year to make sure both birthdays are celebrated equally

EllenJaneisstillnotmyname · 02/10/2012 23:52

Ah, yes, I thought of that, but it would give me more satisfaction to add that it's DS's dad's house rather than them thinking DS call his dad's new house his home, but that really IBU, I guess.

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EllenJaneisstillnotmyname · 02/10/2012 23:54

DS2 has SN and only one friend, unfortunately, and doesn't cope well with big parties.

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sausagesandwich34 · 02/10/2012 23:56

sorry, didn't realise :(

sausagesandwich34 · 02/10/2012 23:57

and now I feel bad :( :(

EllenJaneisstillnotmyname · 03/10/2012 00:00

That's OK, how were you to know, unless you've been stalking me? It is tricky, as I do feel STBEX is making a big deal of DS1's birthday. DS1 is none too impressed with his dad having an affair and leaving, so I think STBEX is trying to impress him.

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Noqontrol · 03/10/2012 00:03

She's probably trying to do the best she can for him under the circumstances. Its tough, but anything you can do to make things run more smoothly can only be a good thing.

Noqontrol · 03/10/2012 00:06

Is STBEX the new girlfriend? I get confused. I assumed it was, but I actually have no idea what that stands for!!

Thumbwitch · 03/10/2012 00:07

soon to be ex husband, noqontrol.

EllenJaneisstillnotmyname · 03/10/2012 00:07

Soon to be Ex!

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3duracellbunnies · 03/10/2012 00:10

I think it might seem petty to parents etc if you alter the invitation, and esp if they then bring invite with them as they need it for the address and exh sees your alteration. I would however suggest to your ds that he makes it clear to his friends that the party is at his dad's house so none of them come to you. If you see parents maybe mention it to them too.

sausagesandwich34 · 03/10/2012 00:10

no not a stalker (phew)

EllenJaneisstillnotmyname · 03/10/2012 00:11

Oops, better get the tippex out, then!

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GoldPlatedNineDoors · 03/10/2012 00:12

Your ds has two homes. One with you, one with his dad. You are being petty.

EllenJaneisstillnotmyname · 03/10/2012 00:20

Do you really think he feels he has 2 homes?

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MamaMimi · 03/10/2012 00:22

I honestly assumed that STBEX H stood for 'STupid Bastard EXHusband'!

Thumbwitch · 03/10/2012 00:23

Well that's usually fairly accurate as well, mama!

Thumbwitch · 03/10/2012 00:25

notEllenJane - just tell your DS1 what you have done and why - as in, to clarify the address, no other reason. Then make sure that he tells his friends as well that it's the new address on the invitation - and I bet you'll still get a couple of them turning up at yours on the day.

YUNoSaySomethingNice · 03/10/2012 00:25

It would be nice if he thought he had two homes.

sausagesandwich34 · 03/10/2012 00:25

Do you really think he feels he has 2 homes?

probably not at the moment no but it's sort of our jobs to encourage them to think like that

they shouldn't think of themselves as visitors in their parent's home and by changing the invites you would be reinforcing the feeling that he is a visitor

not sure that made any sense but I hope you get what I mean

MamaMimi · 03/10/2012 00:25

I doubt he feels he has 2 homes. I imagine he feels that his home is where he has always lived, with you and his brother (and once his dad but his dad chose to leave the home) and that the other place is his 'dad's house'.

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Nospringflower · 03/10/2012 00:26

Mamamimi - me too

WorraLiberty · 03/10/2012 00:29

I'm sorry but that's really petty and unnecessary.

It's got the address on the invite so there will be no mistake.

Yes, your DS's have two homes now and as much as that thought might hurt you, it's best for them to feel at home in both your house and their Dad's.

EllenJaneisstillnotmyname · 03/10/2012 00:33

I know you are right. BASTARD! (Him, not you lot.)

Now I'm trying to copy the invitation out on the PC as close to the original as possible! At least I've found the same picture.

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