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To have just hit rock bottom? Eating disorder related

(21 Posts)
KnitFastDieWarm Tue 02-Oct-12 22:01:11

I've been binge eating with bulimic tendencies (laxative abuse, mostly) for most of my life. I began to use food for comfort when I was bullied at school. Tonight I ate until I thought I would burst, alone, hating myself. Then I looked for my laxatives, couldn't find them, and had a panic attack. Again.
I can't go on like this. I admit it, I am powerless over food. I lie about it, I hide wrappers, I eat out of bins. I am 3 stone overweight.. I am shaking just typing this, I am so ashamed. But I'm not going to name change because hey, I'm tired of running.
I would appreciate a very unmumsnetty hug and a good kick up the arse right now sad

McHappyPants2012 Tue 02-Oct-12 22:02:14

what have you done to try and control your eating disorder

NimpyWindowMash Tue 02-Oct-12 22:03:31

Hugs to you ((()))
But you don't need a kick up the arse, you need some treatment. There is help out there. Have you tried any treatment before?

BigStickBIWI Tue 02-Oct-12 22:04:02

Sending you a big hug.

I don't know anything about eating disorders, so I can't be any practical help, but just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone, and that you can talk to us about it.

Have you had any treatment for it?

debka Tue 02-Oct-12 22:05:43

Big big hug from me.

You're not alone in this struggle.

I am also a binge eater and I have found this book, Overcoming Binge Eating to be really useful. It is full of practical advice.

You CAN overcome this. You may need some help, but it can be done if you are determined.

waterlego Tue 02-Oct-12 22:09:27

Big unMNy hug from one EDed person to another. I do bingeing and food fads and then obsessive exercising and calorie restricting. There is help out there. Have you ever had treatment of any kind?

monkeysbignuts Tue 02-Oct-12 22:13:28

big hugs, I suffer with eating problems too. (pregnant at the minute so not too much of a problem)
I don't have any advice really other than you need to get some help if its taking over your life. Maybe your gp could send you for some cbt which would really help. Have you tried ww or sw? Both of those teach you healthy ways to loose weight and could reset your thinking about food?
good luck xx

Pictureperfect Tue 02-Oct-12 22:19:47

Not name changing and posting here's a good step, if your at rock bottom the only way is up, however hard. Can you see your GP? Also contact the charity BEAT for support, they help all kinds of eating disorders

manicinsomniac Tue 02-Oct-12 22:22:54

Big unmumnsnetty hugs!

It must have taken a lot of courage to post that. There's (unfairly) so much shame and judgement based around binge eating. You deserve help and I think you're making a good frist step just by writing here.

I have had anorexia for 13 years so, while it's kind of different, I sort of understand the guilt, helpnessness and wish to hide away from the world.

Hotcoffeeisamemory Tue 02-Oct-12 22:27:53

Exactly the same as me OP. I really feel for you and know exactly what you are going through.

Please feel free to pm me if you need to talk. X

SammyTheSwedishSquirrel Tue 02-Oct-12 22:28:55

I have recovered from a similar eating disorder. It is possible with the right help. For me this involved following a strict schedule of meal and snack times of fixed food amounts to bring about stability in blood sugar. The eating disorders clinic I went to recommend 3 small meals and 3 snacks spaced 2-3 hours apart and NEVER go more than 3 hours without eating anything. This leads to a slump in blood sugar which will drive you to binge.

SpicyPear Tue 02-Oct-12 22:29:46

More big unMNetty hugs. You don't need a kick up the arse, you need some help and support.

I've had a lot of CBT, which was very helpful, but called the BEAT helpline just last week as I was struggling. In a 15 minute chat the woman I spoke with really helped me get my head straight about what I needed to do and also recommended this book, which I had but hadn't looked at for a while. I've also used the one debka recommends.

Is there anyone in RL that knows and you can speak to?

KnitFastDieWarm Tue 02-Oct-12 22:32:45

Thanks so much all smile it feels so good to talk! Off to GP on Friday - lovely fiancé wants to come with me to support me (he's a star who tells me I'm beautiful every day even when I don't feel it)
I've heard a lot about meal planning - I worry it'll make me think about foo even more, but what have I got to lose really at this point? Have made a plan for tomorrow smile
I feel a lot calmer and more in control. All advice is appreciated more than you know. It's so easy to feel alone.

KnitFastDieWarm Tue 02-Oct-12 22:33:56

Thanks also for all the book recs, off to have a look on amazon...

SammyTheSwedishSquirrel Tue 02-Oct-12 22:40:08

Also, make sure your meals and snacks are enough. This was often my downfall. I wasn't eating enough at meal times because my idea of normal had become so messed up. Not eating enough earlier in the day will cause you to binge later on as your body drives you to feed it.

My clinic said 2000 cals a day. Made up of approx 500 for each meal and the rest split between the snacks. To give you an idea, 500 cals for breakfast looks like a small glass of fruit juice + a 30g portion of cereal with milk + a slice of toast with butter and jam. Probably a lot more than you think, I'm guessing?

thetrackisback Tue 02-Oct-12 22:47:43

Big hugs ( )
NOW........ The kick up the bum......... You know you can't go on like this.........PLEASE ring the doctor in the morning and go and tell all........ It'll be painful but you can do it and get the help you need. X

SpicyPear Tue 02-Oct-12 22:47:59

Good luck for Friday smile. I have a similar issue with food plans. I've found them essential, but I do have to be careful of not tipping over into obsessing or restricting.

It's great that you fiancé is supportive, but I would say to really think about whether you want him at your appointment and do what is best for you. My DH is very supportive but at certain points it was essential for me to go it alone as ultimately recovery is down to the sufferer.

thetrackisback Tue 02-Oct-12 22:51:00

Oh you are doing that!!! <must read all bloody posts> good luck with it all. It will be difficult as you ay have to face some uncomfortable feelings but it'll be worth it. And hugs ()

McHappyPants2012 Tue 02-Oct-12 22:51:14

Good luck for Friday smile

waterlego Tue 02-Oct-12 23:12:29

Great advice here re meal and snack planning, and I'm so glad you're going to see your GP and that your fiancé is supportive.

Do you take any vitamin supplements? B-Vitamins and Magnesium are both beneficial to mental health generally, and Zinc deficiency has long been linked with eating disorders. Taking these three regularly has helped me a lot more than I could have expected. Even if it is a placebo effect, I can't argue with it smile

SoleSource Tue 02-Oct-12 23:17:34

Total empathy, you are not the only person x

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