To not want my DDs bright shiny optimism dented?(22 Posts)
DD1 is 3, she thinks everything and everyone is wonderful, she meets a child and they are her "best friend mummy!" even before she's spoken to them
forced them to play. She believes her Baba when he says he works on the moon , she absorbs and interprets everything, she can be and do anything, so a typical toddler really.
But it's going to get dented isn't it? When she starts school a thousand little knocks will make her an aware person who doesn't always think everything ends well, everyone is kind. Someone will pick on her for being too short/tall/fat/thin/clever/thick/common/posh whatever. Someone will let her down. Someone will betray her. And I know I know some people will make her life better.
AIBU (and possibly a little post baby hormonal from DD2) to be a bit sad she will have to go to school and lose her innocence?
YABU only if you stop it. It has to happen I'm sure everyone feels like this
I think it IS your hormones talking. I was just like this after my children were born.
Your DD sounds fab. She will have some knocks in life and she will be a better person for them, as she has you to provide comfort, reassurance and to instill the confidence to know that she is loved and valued
All those things will happen, but they will make her stronger as a person and improve the confidence and maturity she has. They are just as magical when they are teenagers and applying to university and so hopeful and determined. Promise.
I've just had a major wobble along the same lines and my youngest is one - can I still blame the hormones? I just feel they are growing up so fast and would love nothing more than to lock us all inside our house and play all day, every day. I know they wouldn't be happy with that though and I'm REALLY trying hard to remember that. Oh, this love...
My ds is 20mths and today I was thinking about how it feels like time is slipping through my fingers and I just want to stop it but then I want to live it all too - I think I need to start a journal
I know the shininess is perfect now. But imagine a 12 year old that innocent. It would look a little odd.
My 9 year old has a wicked sense of humour, makes wry comments about his little sisters, has an original perspective on new things that he learns that are old hat to us.
And a cynical 3 year old would be tragic.
Don't worry, they go on being fantastic, just in different ways
I know exactly how you feel, OP. But let me just tell you that my dd is now 7 and yes, she has had to encounter stuff at school and she's not as innocent as she was at 3. But she LOVES school, comes home wide-eyed with wonder about what she has learned there. She is full of curiosity about the world and full of pride about all her achievements.
The other day she skipped down the round singing that she was the happiest, luckiest girl in the world
The wonder years aren't over for quite a while yet, OP.
Thank you, hearing about the older children really helps! And knowing my wobble isn't unique ;)
It is awful isn't it?
I remember when my DS and I were walking through the playground to go home and he saw some older kids he knew and was so excited, and they didn't talk to him as he was just a little preschooler. He was so sad, and didn't really understand. I was furious.
It's a part of life but yes it is sad! And you're certainly not alone in feeling it.
I felt really quite stabby the other day when DD's older girl friend didn't say hello to her when DD said hello. It is very strange how emotional you can get on their behalf. DD is fine a second later. I feel pissed off for ages.
There are other parts of life that are equally rewarding, Softly. Whenever I see one of mine (secondary school age) supporting a friend through difficult circumstances or bearing up with dignity when the going gets tough, I feel grateful for life that is teaching them the kind of optimism that comes from knowing that you are doing your best.
I felt like this recently when I was feeling depressed. Seeing her so happy and carefree, just how I used to be, got me thinking about where it all started to go wrong for me, and how I could avoid it happening to her.
Of course it is natural to want the best for your child, but ime when that stops being a positive outlook, and looking toward the future with negativity and fear, that is when hormones/low mood may be a factor.
Do you think you could be depressed? X
YAB very soppy
Children don't stay toddlers forever.
You wouldn't really want them to.
She's going to turn into a more complex person, this is a good thing.
The shininess does wear off and I remember being very sad watching it happen to my son and daughter. I thought they would be diminished by it, but that is not so.
They are 8 and 9 now and whilst they are not the glowing innocents they were, that has given way becomming magnificent individuals with very different ideas and personalities and the odd glimpse of the people they will become.
And my view is I can't control how other people treat/behave towards dd, but I can shower her with so much love and affection so that she never has low self esteem, and also teach her to be nice to others.
She sounds lovely and I'm sure she will probably always stay a happy, positive person even with life's knocks. How lovely that she is an optimist. There is lots of evidence to suggest that optimistic, positive people live longer and have happier relationships and lives.
My DS was a horrible 3 year old who saw the worst in every situation. A complete pessimist. So they are not all shiney, happy and innocent!
He's improved with age - I think life has shown him that things aren't that bad
aw OP they stay just as lovely even if they are different! My 13yo tells me every day "mummy you're the BEST" and we have an ongoing refrain "love you more - NO, I love YOU more". And I have the most amazing conversations with my 16yo, it's fascinating to watch what they make of this sometimes un-shiney world.
My lad went through hell as soon as he started school due to undiagnosed SN's.
However yesterday he had his first ever horse riding lesson - the look of sheer wonder and pure joy on his face made me realise that at 8 the utter MAGIC of being a child is still within his reach. I cried. There have been other moments - the first time he tasted the crab on the BBQ he'd caught. The occasionally running with his dog etc.
(I don't think the wonderful volunteers at RDA have any idea just how much this means to me - so if anyone reading this thread volunteers for this organisation THANK YOU!)
You wait til you're sitting up to midnight with your 16 year old telling you all about politics and feminism and philosophy and music and her view of how the world could be better- you haven't seen bright shiny til you've seen that!
God I am soppy you lot have made me smile!
bochead you brought back memories, I volunteered at RDA at college and it was wonderful.
mummyshapppills I don't think so but I do miss her, DD2 is not easy (I've had threads about her before though I love her) so I've gone from watching every second of DD1s fun to dismissing her quite a lot. I'm wanting to organise more 1to1 time
I'm with seeker it just get better and better!
yes they take knocks but with good support and parenting they roll with them and grow.
When your 16yr old has, off his own bat, and with a CV and letter of application you didn't even read, been to an interview and got a position for voluntary work at the local hospital- that's shiny!
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