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How would you feel if your 24 year old daughter was in a relationship with a...

(208 Posts)
ThatAwfulWoman Tue 02-Oct-12 16:06:05

... man 25 years older?

Would it worry you or would his age not make a difference to you?

Hullygully Tue 02-Oct-12 16:07:24

It would depend on him.

Remind her that she'll be pushing him round in his bathchair whilst still in her orime tho.

Inneedofbrandy Tue 02-Oct-12 16:09:17

I'm 24, I would hate my mum to judge who I was sleeping with. 24 is an adult.

DeepPurple Tue 02-Oct-12 16:10:36

It seems quite a big difference but it depends on the man. it's up to her though since she's an adult.

Paiviaso Tue 02-Oct-12 16:10:46

I think 25 years is the kind of age difference that means you will serious lifestyle differences when you both get a bit older, which will eventually make you incompatible.

Hopefully she sees this before it gets too serious.

SammyTheSwedishSquirrel Tue 02-Oct-12 16:13:01

I would be very concerned and would watch closely. Ultimately though, if he treated her kindly and made her happy, I'd grit my teeth and accept it.

dottyspotty2 Tue 02-Oct-12 16:13:05

Would be fine my eldest is 21 she's an adult I don't run my childrens lives youngest is 17 next week and has a boyfriend a few years older her choice not mine. Also have a large 13 years between DH and I at 16 was with a man 27 years my senior parents and I fell out for years over it but they where very domineering.

I wouldn't like it. I'd meet him before voicing any concerns, though. Just to get the measure of him. If he seemed ok, and it was just the age gap, I'd keep quiet and hope it fizzled out.

GooseyLoosey Tue 02-Oct-12 16:14:40

I suspect I am more narrow minded than some of you. Would not be too keen as I would wonder what they had in common - no similar cultural reference points in terms of music etc.

I am 43 and would generally find someone 20 odd years younger than me to be too young for me. They would lack the life experience that I would value in a partner. Maybe that is just me though, however my perspective would make me wonder what it was that he valued in a partner.

However, I would never, ever say anything for fear of alienating my child. I would just suck it up and treat him like any other boyfriend.

MammaTJisWearingGold Tue 02-Oct-12 16:15:42

It doesn't matter what I would or would not think. 24 years old is old enough to make make their own decisions.

worldgonecrazy Tue 02-Oct-12 16:16:30

I don't think I'd like it, but in these relationships she is unlikely to be the one that gets hurt long term, unless he is a waste of oxygen such as we often see mentioned in Relationships. If that is the case, then age won't make any difference at all.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks Tue 02-Oct-12 16:17:06

It really depends on the people.
A girl I know got engaged at 21 years old, to a 40 year old man. I saw the a few months ago and they are happily married with a child. They were perfect for each other, and that is what matters, not their age. Whether they will be together forever, no one knows, but people who marry people their own age can grow apart too.

That said I would have my concerns if DD was to date someone older.

lljkk Tue 02-Oct-12 16:17:31

I would think she could probably do lots better, but would bite my tongue about it unless she asked for my opinion.

FairPhyllis Tue 02-Oct-12 16:18:03

OP, are you by any chance a member of the landed aristocracy whose daughter has recently been jilted at the altar?

WilsonFrickett Tue 02-Oct-12 16:18:51

Having been the 24 yo (Well, a 22yo with a 40yo) I would say nothing at all. The reasons for that relationship were very complex (and with the benefit of hindsight) entirely toxic, but nothing anyone could have said would have changed my mind about it. Just keep the doors and the communication open - I probably would have left six months sooner if I'd felt I had somewhere to go.

caramelwaffle Tue 02-Oct-12 16:19:05

I wouldn't like it.

LFCisTarkaDahl Tue 02-Oct-12 16:19:44

No, wouldn't bother me. My closest friend has just finished a 14 year relationship which started when she was 23 and he was 49. They have had a wonderful time together and have not split up because of the age difference.

caramelwaffle Tue 02-Oct-12 16:20:30

Very little info. in Op.

Are we talking Jane Eyre etc etc

DilysPrice Tue 02-Oct-12 16:21:07

Depends whether he'd lost the use of one arm and all the avaiable men of her own age had been killed in the trenches.

pictish Tue 02-Oct-12 16:22:29

Initially, I think I'd be rather reticent about it. It's a huge age gap - a generation apart, so interests and life stages are likely to clash.
However, the fact is, if he treated her well and she seemed happy, I would keep schtum and support her decision, while secretly hoping for a man her own age to turn her head instead.

LaFataTurchina Tue 02-Oct-12 16:23:47

I'm 24, if I started seeing a 49 year old I would want my mother/father/all my friends to talk me out of it.

If it was Jane Austin times then nope, obviously as I'd mainly be marrying him for his library/manor grin

FionaOJ Tue 02-Oct-12 16:23:50

My dad is 71. My mum is 55. My dad's health is slowly deteriorating and he can no longer manage the physical job he has done most of his life, nor can my mum afford to run their house on one wage. As my dad was self-employed he only gets a small pension and they are really struggling. Resentment is setting in and my mum and dad want different things from life in terms of holidays and social lives.
My mum is worrying about becoming a carer for her elderly parents and her elderly dp in the very near future. It's sad really.

Obviously this wasn't an issue when they met 25 years ago. Just a thought.

therewearethen Tue 02-Oct-12 16:25:24

A friend of mine (26) has just married and he is in his 40's but I'm unsure exactly how old, I think 42 or 43 ish. They have one child have have been together years and seem to adore each other!

As a parent, like the others have said it's not really any of your business as she's an adult. If he's a knob then he's a knob and age doesn't really come into it. You know the theory, the more you criticise the more they dig their heels in to try and prove you wrong. In the nicest possible way, I'd keep your mouth shut!

ThatAwfulWoman Tue 02-Oct-12 16:26:30

OK, so I'm the one in the relationship. We've been seeing each other for a short while and the age gap really doesn't mean anything to me, but I haven't mentioned the relationship to my family and I think it's because I am worried about their reactions and those of less close friends (close friends know about the relationship/have met him).

And - you are right! - I was watching Downton Abbey on Sunday and everyone was going on about Anthony Strallan being ancient and it being a disaster and it has really made me question the whole thing. I had just blithely assumed people wouldn't have that much of a problem with it, as we ourselves don't, but now I'm starting to think they will... Maybe I am being naive to think an age gap isn't a problem and personalities are what matter.

Hullygully Tue 02-Oct-12 16:26:42

Everyone I know, including myself, and whichever sex was the older, has left when they saw the grim grange bathchair future hoving into view.

But she won't listen to you anyway.

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