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to think our lie-ins are inequal?

(45 Posts)
familyfun Tue 02-Oct-12 14:55:03

im a sahm, dp works full time.
mon-fri we are both up between 6 and 6.30 as dd2 wakes up early and dp is going to work.
so we agreed that on weekends and holidays we would split the lie-ins.

on dps lie-in, i take the dds down in our pjs so dp stays asleep, i feed them and keep them downstairs till dp wakes usually 9am, then i take them upstairs and dress them and me while dp gets a peaceful breakfast, then i play with the dds while dp gets dressed.

on my lie-in, he plonks dd2 in bed with me while he gets dressed so im fully awake as she is 22 months, he then feeds dds downstairs, when i get up he goes upstairs and messes about/tidies up a bit so im left with both dds while trying to eat, then as he is already dressed he stays downstairs alone while i take dds up to get us all dressed.

im probably being petty as i get a lie in but i hate that he wakes me instaed of taking dd2 down and i feed and dress the dds all week so wish he could at least dress one of them once at the weekend.

just feel like once im up i always have 2 dds with me and he goes about his day without worrying. if hes going to the doctors/dentist be books it after work and goes alone. if i have to go i take 2 dds with me. etc.

im whinging i know.

mycatoscar Tue 02-Oct-12 15:09:23

Yanbu, a lay in is not so great if you get fully woken before you get it. If you we're to do exactly what he does next time it's his turn would he be annoyed? I think I'd be trying it grin

myflabberisgasted Tue 02-Oct-12 15:13:31

On the days my DH has a lie in, I get myself up and my DS (2.4) and I either stay in my pjamas until he gets up or take my clothes onto the landing so I can get dressed there without disturbing DH.

On my lie in days my DH does the same as me and gets his clothes ready the night before and gets dressed on the landing - is this something you could suggest to your DH?

YANBU at all, a lie in is not a lie in if you get woken up first!

Paiviaso Tue 02-Oct-12 15:13:53

It does sound completely unfair. Have you told him this? He might not have noticed that he is being very selfish, and he might not realise you make an effort to make sure he isn't bothered before he wakes.

Agree if he isn't getting it, to give him a taste of his own medicine!

ChunkyPickle Tue 02-Oct-12 15:20:48

YANBU. I have the same discussion with DP. I let him get up when he wakes up, whereas he sends DS in to wake me up when he gets bored/lonely/wants to go out (this can be any time from 7:30)

bigpantspam Tue 02-Oct-12 15:22:17

I wake as soon as our Dd does and it takes a freight train to wake my husband so I never get a sleep through lie in. On the few occasions he has taken her downstairs and I've managed to get back to sleep, it's guaranteed either he or ds will leave the bloody stairgate open and she's up like a flash!

PiedWagtail Tue 02-Oct-12 15:23:17

Have you told him this?? YANBU - but sometimes you need to point things out!!

Nagoo Tue 02-Oct-12 15:25:03

YANBU but tell him that you expect to be left to stay asleep or you will do the same to him that he does to you.

ClippedPhoenix Tue 02-Oct-12 15:25:41

YANBU, tell him to do the same as you in the future, if not you'll do do what he does.

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 02-Oct-12 15:26:45

Why does he book it after work and you book it during? You work, it's called two children. Book after he gets home and go then.

And, as a compromise, you could say take the DC downstairs and they can hang out in pyjamas until you get up. I say that because, lovely and on board as DH is, he likes dressing DD in nylon basketball shorts and football shirts. No reason for a DC to be in bed with you on your lie-in.

Haylebop12 Tue 02-Oct-12 15:27:23

What's a lie-in?

HeidiHole Tue 02-Oct-12 15:27:34

I don't really understand why you don't either tell him, or do it to him so he realises what it's like!

WildWorld2004 Tue 02-Oct-12 16:57:39

If you have told him this & he is still doing it i would do what he does to you when it is his day off.

My dd is at an age where she is old enough to go down the stairs & put the tv on by herself.

AThingInYourLife Tue 02-Oct-12 17:06:43

Why do you keep being so considerate of his lie in when he doesn't make much effort for yours?

Don't bother your arse making sure he isn't woken, he obviously doesn't think it matters.

Book your appointments in the evenings and tell him he needs to be home.

Don't be a martyr about this stuff.

Ephiny Tue 02-Oct-12 17:10:58

YANBU, but can't you just tell ask him not to do it?

familyfun Tue 02-Oct-12 20:51:22

i thought you would all tell me iabu and to stop moaning, im shocked you all agree with me grin
i am going to ask him to put clothes out on the landing this weekend so he doesnt need to come in our room with dd2.

prettysunset Tue 02-Oct-12 21:01:54

I feel very lucky-on my (few and far between) lie-ins I can stay until 9ish on a Sat/Sun until rugby/dancing/footy...on DH lie-ins the kids pester from t+15mins 'can Daddy get up yet?' 'can we go and let him out of his room now?' <whispers> 'Daddy, it's ok, you can get up!' Like it's a big punishment for him to be made to stay in bed! grin

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson Tue 02-Oct-12 21:10:26

I think if you were to do the same to his lie ins he'd soon change his ways....

fufulina Tue 02-Oct-12 21:15:13

Yanbu. If you split the lie ins, then they should be as equal as possible. For a while, on our lie in days, the other would go out with dd, because she would get up sooo early, and we live in quite a small flat. We'd be in the park/Starbucks by 7. Painful for the non lier in, but the lie in for the lier in was fabulous. Total peace!

Agree with other posters, tell him how it should work. Also completely agree that getting totally woken up defeats the object! Dreaming of proper lie ins, as still bf dd2, so although DH does his best, I do have to wake up to feed her first thing!

PenelopeChipShop Tue 02-Oct-12 21:41:56

Yabu for mentioning lie-ins when I am YEARS away from being able to get one! envy

But seriously I see your point. Sounds like one of those things you're just going to have to spell out in words of one syllable!

Beamur Tue 02-Oct-12 21:45:49

My DP was the same - really selfish about mornings, despite many conversations he never was fair. I'd suggest if your DP doesn't see the error in his way you simply stop letting him have a quiet lie in and bring both kids into bed with you and see how he likes it grin

steppemum Tue 02-Oct-12 21:53:26

yanbu. We had same problem. My kids used to wake up and come into our bed. Except they come and climb all over me not us.

On dh lie-in, I got up and took them downstairs. By the time he gets up, all breakfasted dressed.etc
On my lie-in, I got climbed over until I was awake and kicked dh, then he got up. When I went down no-one had eaten etc.

We had several blazing rows talked about it and finally it improved. Now dcs go downstairs themsleves so he doesn't get up. I actually want him to get up, leave me on my own, bring me tea and then let me have peace, newspaper and radio for an hour. he thinks if I am awake then I am up. Time for another blazing row talk grin

Just sit down and tell him what you need. If that doesn't help, then do to him what he does to you.

Scholes34 Tue 02-Oct-12 22:49:04

I don't see the point of a lie in unless you're awake to enjoy it. If I sleep in late, I've slept through an opportunity to lie in bed and read with a cup fo tea.

<suspects Scholes isn't a parent or has forgotten what sleep deprivation with babies is like grin>

Yanbu op. You have to bring it up with him. That`s not fair. Dh has tried it a few times but a few harsh kicks to the shins gentle words did the trick.

Scholes34 Tue 02-Oct-12 22:58:11

Scholes certainly is a parent. Not getting up in the night any longer, but certainly up as early as OP in the week and at weekends.

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