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To be peed off to find an ex colleague/friend selling my old baby clothes.

(77 Posts)
fishandlilacs Tue 02-Oct-12 14:53:45

We both used to work together, I gave her 2 bin bags of my daughters old clothes when her daughter was born about 15m ago-some of which had labels still on and in VGC. She still works at my old workplace, she lives with her parents, no mortgage, her husband on a damn good wage and she pays nothing for childcare.

I lost my job while I was pregnant with my 2nd child-they let me go due to a contracting issue. I'm still unemployed. She knows how broke we are. She also knows I am busy carbooting everything I dont need anymore to put money aside to pay for christmas.

Yet I find her advertising her old baby clothes on a facebook-about 40 of the items I clearly recognise as things I gave her.

Now I know I didn't lend them, I did give them. But AIBU to think it would have been considerate of her to offer them back to me? If circs had been reversed I would have done without a moments thought.

choceyes Tue 02-Oct-12 14:56:33

YANBU at all! I would never sell on baby clothes somebody had given to me. I'd offer it back when I've finished even if they didn't need the money.

MyLastDuchess Tue 02-Oct-12 14:57:32

People are really strange. I have received lots of lovely free baby clothes handed on from friends, and passed on all the ones I knew I wouldn't need. I could never sell them when I was given them for nothing!

So I don't think YABU. Certainly I could imagine she might not have thought of you and would have offered them to others for nothing ... but selling things like that which you have been given seems pretty shabby to me.

Pickles101 Tue 02-Oct-12 14:59:17

YANBU and I'd be just as upset as you are if it were me. But like you said, you gave the clothes away, she can do what she likes with them now (even if it is a bit rude).

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 02-Oct-12 14:59:25

I would never sell anything given to me. I'd pass it on to someone else, give to charity, or in your example, give them back. It's grasping.

KenLeeeeeee Tue 02-Oct-12 15:00:50

I'm not sure really... On the one hand, you gave them to her and in so doing relinquish any claim over them whatsoever. On the other hand, it would have been polite and considerate for her to at least offer to return the items to you so you could sell them on, given that you're struggling and she is presumably aware of this.

On balance, I don't think she's wrong to sell them, but you're not BU to feel a little put out that she didn't even offer.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 02-Oct-12 15:02:31

To me, it's about good karma. Someone does you a favour, you pass it along. You don't get the clothes and the money. That's not illegal, it's just not very woo.

Or something.

Bellakins Tue 02-Oct-12 15:08:44

Poor form on her part I think. She should have offered them back to you, before selling them. Or she should split the proceeds with you - especially as she knows you are hard up.

Is it possible though that she can't remember you gave her these specific items? I was given a lot of hand me downs and, although I do remember who gave me what (and I do return things after DD has grown out of them), some people might not be as observant!

Sorry to hear you lost your job.

honeytea Tue 02-Oct-12 15:08:44

Could she have forgotten what was given to her? I have been given so much baby stuff I probably couldn't remember who gave me the specific things.

I think if she is knowingly doing it she is being a little mean, maybe she just doesn't understand how hard being short of money is.

Good luck with the saving for Christmas.

Paiviaso Tue 02-Oct-12 15:22:56

YANBU, bad form on her part.

But obviously, they are now technically her clothes, so naught you can do.

YouMayLogOut Tue 02-Oct-12 16:23:03

YANBU. If she's going to profit from your generosity that's taking advantage of you. Obviously she's legally entitled to do what she likes, but it just isn't very considerate towards you.

Lotkinsgonecurly Tue 02-Oct-12 16:25:53

Ask her for half of the proceeds !

BalloonSlayer Tue 02-Oct-12 16:29:37

Never used Facebook myself but could you put a message on her wall, or whatever it is, for all to see saying "Errrm I think those are my clothes?" and see what she says.

SomeoneThatYouUsedToKnow Tue 02-Oct-12 16:30:59

That is a bit mean of her. How about asking her to give you any that don't sell as you know how skint we are. It might nudge her into offering you some of the proceeds of the sale. A 50/50 split would be nice?

Adviceinscotland Tue 02-Oct-12 16:34:13

"like" all the pictures, very passive aggressive wink

ClutchingPearls Tue 02-Oct-12 16:38:07

I would send her a message, very polite/friendly and and say something along the lines of 'I'm sure you've not realised but the clothes you are selling on FB are the ones I gave you. Its so hard to keep track of who gave what but I remember them having seen the pictures. I was wondering as you have finished with them you could pass them on to a friend/hand them back/charity as I never intended to sell them or I would have done so myself'

See what she says. Through the newborn haze she may have forgotten they were yours. Then everything's clear, If she still sells them you know that she's taken advantage of your generosity.

fishandlilacs Tue 02-Oct-12 16:41:11

OMFG-just to update shes just splashed all over her FB that her and hubby have booked a night away at a 5*spa hotel break. " A little bit of heaven away from the DD"


Now i'm really seething AND ashamed to admit jealous as hell. I will definitely say something now. We haven't been on holiday other that 2 nights camping in 2 years!

ClutchingPearls Tue 02-Oct-12 16:51:59

I would comment on her post, "ooh thats great, hope you have a good time. Before you go could you pop the baby clothes back round as I've noticed you've finished with them."

pictish Tue 02-Oct-12 16:53:37

Yabu - you gave them so you lost any claim to them. She may do whatever she pleases with them now. Sorry!

ENormaSnob Tue 02-Oct-12 16:58:07


booomy Tue 02-Oct-12 17:04:52

No way. She should not be selling them!!
Offered back or given to someone else/charity!! Reaaly rude

wheresmespecs Tue 02-Oct-12 17:05:16

YANBU - I think politely asking for them back is a good idea.

alienreflux Tue 02-Oct-12 17:07:57

wow this is really interesting! i've never thought about the baby clothe giving etiquette! my well off mate, gave me about 2 bin bags of stuff 4 my little girl when she was born. i have since passed them on, but the thought did cross my mind to put some of the designer ones on ebay!!?? people don't really expect baby clothes back do they??!! i know i never would with the masses i give away. you're skint tho and she's loaded, so guess it's a bit crappy, maybe be a mate, and say, i know i gave you them, but if you're selling them, i could use the money?!

alienreflux Tue 02-Oct-12 17:09:22

definitely don't privately seethe though, if you're pissed off, tell her!

Soshul Tue 02-Oct-12 17:13:30

I'm confused. Do you need the clothes back for a child, or because you want to sell them yourself?

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