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AIBU to want dd to take the morning off school?

(97 Posts)
littlemisssarcastic Tue 02-Oct-12 09:17:18

DD has an appointment at the hospital tomorrow morning. She has regular appointments at the hospital for her eyesight (approx once every 6 weeks).

I was going to take DD out of school for the morning, since her appointment is at 11.15 and along with picking DD up from school, I have to travel to the hospital too so I will need to make sure we have enough time to travel there.
The school want me to take DD into school in the morning and pick her up at 11am!
Is it so bad for DD to have the morning off?
DD is 4 btw and has just started reception.
I get the strong impression that the school will not be happy at all if I don't take DD in for the morning. sad

littlemisssarcastic Tue 02-Oct-12 10:26:27

I thought DD didn't have to attend school because she's only 4, and honestly didn't think it would be a problem, but receptionist made it clear that 'as it's a medical appointment, they will allow it.'

Mind you, this is the same receptionist that told me that xp would not be permitted to pick up DD from school, regardless of whether he has parental rights. This was a privilege only reserved for the main carer in separated families.
I politely pointed out that it was 'parental responsibility' and that legally the school couldn't prevent him from picking DD up, he does not need my permission since there is no injunction etc on him. Receptionist told me I was wrong until headteacher confirmed it for her.
Maybe school receptionists aren't expected to know these things? I don't know what to expect anymore tbh.

WorraLiberty Tue 02-Oct-12 10:29:05

Legally she doesn't have to attend school but neither should she attend at odd hours if it can be avoided.

The school will be trying to help you set the routine for the future and sadly, there have always been parents who keep their kids off for a whole day/morning/afternoon for a dental check up or a Drs appointment when it's unnecessary.

WilsonFrickett Tue 02-Oct-12 10:31:11

I'm assuming this is your first DC in school? It is advisable to develop a certain... resistance to receptionists' cats bums mouths. It's kind of their default position. Ignore and go and get your DD at a time that suits your onward travel plans wink

littlemisssarcastic Tue 02-Oct-12 10:31:26

Maybe I am cutting it too fine by picking DD up at 10.30.
Tomorrow morning is the harvest assembly btw.
Will definitely try to get an earlier appt in future though.

littlemisssarcastic Tue 02-Oct-12 10:33:45

Wilson Really? I thought school receptionists were supposed to be smiley and friendly. I felt like i had been told off. blush

AfternoonsandCoffeespoons Tue 02-Oct-12 10:34:20

Wow. Its never even occured to me to ask permission to take DS out for appts. He goes to a SS so I suppose that might make a difference but I just send a note saying "X will not be at school tomorrow morning as he has a hospital appt. I will bring him in afterwards." Its 2 buses for us as well, and an 11.15 appt could actuallly mean missing most of the afternoon as well, but it can't be helped.

TroublesomeEx Tue 02-Oct-12 10:45:50

Re: school attendance, there is always confusion about this.

They don't have to enter education before the term following their fifth birthday. However, once they are in school, it's not optional and they have to attend just as any child of any age would.

Wilson is correct. When they are good, school receptionists are brilliant, but they are not softies. They are the frontline staff and they take no shit!

Afternoons That's what I do too - write and inform. I don't ask permission for appointments.

HandHolding Tue 02-Oct-12 10:53:09

For hospital appointments, I thought you had to be there 10mins in advance anyway?
So leaving at 11.00 for 11.15 leaves you... 5mins to get there... by bus with a connexion.
That's completely irrealistic.

Plan you trip to the hospital and ensure that you have enough time to get there. Your 10.30 plan sounds tight to me but you will have a better ideas whether buses are usually on time where you live or not (What if you miss your connection bus?).
And then tell the school that's the time you need to leave.

BTW, I have never been able to 'chose' the time of my appointments and would not exect anyone to do so tbh. IT's not like you are going to see the GP.

Startailoforangeandgold Tue 02-Oct-12 10:53:33

Never give more details than necessary.
DD has a Drs, Dentist appointment or a music, dancing exam, that's it.

Add a time if you are collecting, but never a return time or the appointment time.

Travel arrangements change, (music master is ace at this)

DCs may get stressed and be better at home, or distracted in school.

We found being early at fracture clinic was huge win.

DD1 must be fed the second her brace is tightened, because it hurts by tea.

Non of this needs explaining to school (nor does having a lovely long lunch in Waitrose because DD hated next lessonwink)

redwhiteandblueeyedsusan Tue 02-Oct-12 10:54:18

just tell them that she is not going to school in the morning as you have to get her to the hospital by public transport. the letter usually states that you need to attend about 15 minutes early to book in. you need to allow time for the first bus to be delayed and needing to catch the next connecting bus.. and still get to the hospital grounds about 25 minute earlier to allow for getting to the correct department.

there are lots of delays aaround our local hospital so busses are frequently delayed at the last pert of the journey.

SammyTheSwedishSquirrel Tue 02-Oct-12 10:55:31

Ideally for a hospital appointment I think you should aim to be there half an hour before, or at the very latest 15 minutes before. Work back from that the time you would sensibly need to leave to get there and then tell them the time you will be collecting her. Ignore any cat's bums you get.

Chopstheduck Tue 02-Oct-12 10:55:43

surely playtime should be around that time? I's ask when playtime is and then pick her up when that starts. She gets to go in for first lesson and then leaves at a non-disruptive time.

goldenlula Tue 02-Oct-12 11:17:58

As you are relying on public transport Ywnbu to keep her off for ge morning. Ds2 has a SALT assessment at 11.30 last week. I picked hi. Up at 10.30, Giving me tie to drop dd off at my friend's and get to the hospital in good time to ind a parking spot. If I was relying on public transport he would have had the morning off.

Given the bus thing - I would definitely keep her off until after the appt. You are not being lazy, you are being sensible.

LoonyRationalist Tue 02-Oct-12 11:38:50

They may be assuming that you will be driving?

I would send her to school in the morning to show willing. Nonetheless I would be ensuring I was a minimum of 15 minutes early for my appointment. To ensure this you would need to collect her at 10am at the latest. It is not up to the school to dictate to you like this. This is a hospital appointment where in my experience you get the appointment you are given, not a routine docs appointment where the school might reasonably expect you to get a more convenient appointment.

School receptionists need to be tough as some parents can take the mickey. You are not and simply need to be firm about when you need to collect her. For the future I agree with Startail, just tell them she has an appointment and you will need to collect her at xx time. Don't cut it fine, for this journey leave at least an hour and be 15 mins early. You can always take some books etc to do with her whilst waiting at the hospital.

mummytime Tue 02-Oct-12 12:25:18

If you have to take her by bus I would take her out for the whole morning, and ignore any cats bum face from the receptionist. You could point out loudly that you have to get there by bus.
Your timings seem far to tight to me.

Madlizzy Tue 02-Oct-12 12:29:41

Don't ask, inform. It's a medical appointment, not you off on your jollies, and that's far more important than a morning in school at the age of 4. Take her out for the morning and make both of your lives a little easier.

Doilooklikeatourist Tue 02-Oct-12 13:00:11

I just phone the school in the morning and say

" DD will not be in school this morning , for personal reasons . She will be ready for school this afternoon ."

Try and phone early , so you leave a message in the machine , not with the receptionist .

Sokmonsta Tue 02-Oct-12 13:28:47

It didn't even occur to me to ask if dd could have the afternoon off for an appt. I simply wrote a note stating she had a hospital appt and I would be picking her up at 1pm (end of lunch, 1:40 appt). I'd not send her in for the morning, esp considering you're using public transport. but maybe make the next appt a little earlier so you can be back for lunch/the end of lunch. Of course dd wasn't ready for me so I had to wait 10 mins while they got her ready. Ate into my driving/parking time.

coppertop Tue 02-Oct-12 13:34:42

They probably want to keep her attendance figures up. If she's there for morning and afternoon registration the figures will show she was there for both sessions, even if she was out of school for a couple of hours in between.

Agree though that 15mins isn't enough time to get to the appointment and get checked in at the reception desk.

Casserole Tue 02-Oct-12 14:12:29

Nah, I wouldn't send her in before. I think you're cutting it fine by picking her up at 10:30 - she won't be sitting there waiting for you and the last thing you want is to be late.

a) She's not even statutory school age
b) They appear to have a weird time:space relationship if they think you can send someone across school to get your child, get a 4 year old child out of classroom, coat on, back to reception, off school premises, onto bus, ride on bus, get off bus, wait for 2nd bus, ride on bus, get off 2nd bus, walk through hospital in 15 minutes.
c) School receptionists attend the same charm school as GP receptionists in my experience. Apart from those who are on MN who are OBVIOUSLY a completely different cut and nice, helpful, all round Good People.

Don't send her in. Get there early and have a sticky bun somewhere together before you go in. I decree it. Life's too short to pander to jobsworths, especially when she's only 4 FFS.

HeadfirstForHalos Tue 02-Oct-12 17:17:44

I would have the morning off too if relying on public transport. Our hospital is also about 8 miles away with two bus journeys and the journeys alone take about 45 minutes in total, not counting waiting for the second bus!

Don't ask them, tell them. She's your child and if she needs a hospital appointment then she has to go, end of.

littlemisssarcastic Tue 02-Oct-12 19:36:10

I spoke to the school receptionist again this afternoon and ended up having to explain that we were travelling to hospital using buses, and she has said that it would be more sensible to pick DD up at 9.45am.
I am still left wondering what the point of taking her to school in the morning is, but will pick DD up at 9.45 in the morning.
Thanks to everyone for all of your good advice.

Ephiny Tue 02-Oct-12 19:44:30

I would take the morning off, it seems silly to take her in only to have to pick her up again an hour later.

You do not need the school's permission, or for the receptionist to tell you what time would be 'sensible' for you to leave. You are not the child here!

MarysBeard Tue 02-Oct-12 19:44:35

^Mind you, this is the same receptionist that told me that xp would not be permitted to pick up DD from school, regardless of whether he has parental rights. This was a privilege only reserved for the main carer in separated families.
I politely pointed out that it was 'parental responsibility' and that legally the school couldn't prevent him from picking DD up, he does not need my permission since there is no injunction etc on him. Receptionist told me I was wrong until headteacher confirmed it for her. ^

Jesus wept. What do they do if kids have childminders/nannies? Grandmothers? Grown up siblings? Surely it is common for other adults to pick up kids from school, with prior notice from the parent this should not be an issue.

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