Hi there, I wonder if anyone can give me advice? Sorry, I guess it's not really an AIBU, but posted in here because of heavy traffic and I am pretty desperate.
Basically, I want a child so much but don?t know if it would be responsible to have one in our current financial situation.
Some background I met my DH 4 years ago and we?ve been married for a couple of years. We?re not particularly well-off but we get by. I earn more than twice my DH?s salary but I don?t especially enjoy my work; heavy workload and deadlines = long hours and stress.
My husband?s job is fulfilling but quite poorly-paid. He is qualified to do other things, but due to illness in the past he is unable to do very stressful jobs and had to leave his former career.
Our mortgage (well my mortgage ? I bought the flat before I met DH) is huge ? I just bought at completely the wrong time, and the flat isn?t even that big (small 2-bedroom, no storage). We also have other debts which we are paying off.
I am desperate for a child but genuinely don?t know if we can afford it. Basically DH would have to give up his job as the mortgage, bills and everything come out of my salary. After bills, mortgage etc I usually have about £600 left over ? but that would have to pay for food for the 3 of us and nappies, everything else a small child needs. So I guess my question is - do other people manage on that sort of income, and is it far too little?
I?m also worried about how I would feel about working full time ? leaving my child all day - possibly working long hours and that I could end up feeling resentful towards my husband. I worry that it could affect my relationship with my child.
Another concern is that, as I said before, our flat is really not that big ? any child that we had would have very limited space to his/herself. I worry that I would feel so guilty, becase my SIL and BIL live just round the corner and their little DS wants for nothing ? he has a lovely bedroom all to himself and more importantly BIL and SIL are able to spend TIME with him.
I know we should probably put off TTC until we are in a better financial position, but the trouble is? I?m 37. So I don?t feel we have any time ? who knows how long it could take to conceive?
I know a lot of people would probably say that we shouldn?t do it ? it would be irresponsible and unfair to the child. And I know that a child is a gift ? not something I?m entitled to for my own gratification.
But I want it so badly, every time I hear about somebody else being pregnant it feels like a kick in the stomach and I just can?t stop crying all the time ? I feel like my stupid decisions made before I met DH have ruined my life.
Please, if you have the time, I would be so grateful for opinions, am feeling desperate (sorry this is so long, by the way).
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AIBU to consider having a baby in these circumstances (sorry, long)
86 replies
TuppenceBeresford · 01/10/2012 18:29
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