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not to contact this friend again (long, sorry)

(17 Posts)
thefudgeling Mon 01-Oct-12 14:35:52

we have been friends since we were 12 (now 34). She has had a series of relationships with commitment phobic men over the last ten years or so, and I have been there for her and listened/given advice many many times when she's been hurt and upset by these situations. She's a very intelligent person and does realise that she is making bad choices, and I have advised her to get some therapy to get to the bottom of it as she's always wanted a family and it's not going to happen if she keeps picking this kind of man.

Anyway the problem is I'm starting to realise I don't really like her, and this is a consequence of the way she has treated me over the years. I have had a few times where I've opened up to her about emotional subjects - infertility issues and also when I left an abusive ex partner, and both times she has been dismssive of my feelings. Regarding the infertility she said "well you've got so much else going for you you can't expect everything". When I spoke out about the abuse she said (in front of a group of friends) "ffs it wasn't that bad".

I have been thinknig about all this a lot since we went on a holiday 2 years ago where she got very drunk and screamed at me that I was a bitch and she hated me. I have not trusted her since then really, I don't think she has my interests at heart and every tme i see her all she talks about is herself, her bad relationships and how unhappy she is. When I told her i ws pregnant she burst into tears and told me how unhappy she was in her life.

I just want to know what other people think, should I continue to be there for her or can I walk away without feeling guilty about this?

Gigondas Mon 01-Oct-12 14:38:49

Yanbu- I would have cut her loose after the holiday.

GooseyLoosey Mon 01-Oct-12 14:38:58

Not seeing what you get out of this friendship at all.

You have no obligations to her, she is a friend not family. Why would you continue to see a friend who is abusive to you and has no concern for your welfare?

letsblowthistacostand Mon 01-Oct-12 14:40:48

I wouldn't really bother with a person who called me a bitch and said she hated me. I think you can walk away guilt-free.

Idohaveoneofthese Mon 01-Oct-12 14:41:28

Cut her loose - real friends do not make you feel bad about good things in your life.

aldiwhore Mon 01-Oct-12 14:42:11

Wow, walk away! Must be very difficult, but she sounds like she resents you massively. Don't let her ruin your self esteem, she's projecting all her angst onto you.

MammaTJisWearingGold Mon 01-Oct-12 14:45:01

I think ywbu to allow it to go on this long.

Numberlock Mon 01-Oct-12 14:46:31

Christ no, life's too short, put your energy into friends who appreciate you and support you.

ThreeWheelsGood Mon 01-Oct-12 14:54:38

Walk away, preferably without any drama - just cut contact and hope she gets the message. It's not okay for anyone to call you a bitch, also booty okay that she was so dismissive when you were upset/vulnerable.

ThreeWheelsGood Mon 01-Oct-12 14:55:17

Silly autocorrect, ignore booty, read NOT!

thefudgeling Mon 01-Oct-12 14:55:30

Thanks for the advice everyone.
aldi I have had low self esteem my whole life and have let a few people treat me badly, including this friend I'm starting to realise. Thing is she's quite a sad person really as she messes things up fpr herself and does have some very endrearing qualities. But looking back she was always very competitive with me at school and I think is very jealous (she admitted this a few weeks after the holiday when i asked to meet up and talk about what had happened). i think you're right and she just can't be happy for me when good things happen in my life. Really sad.

So, no-one thinks I should give her more chances?

porcamiseria Mon 01-Oct-12 14:56:10

tri, tri, trim and cut!!!

LilyCocoplatt Mon 01-Oct-12 14:56:16

YANBU, I would stop contacting her.

GooseyLoosey Mon 01-Oct-12 14:58:15

In your mind, what would she have to do for you to decide clearly that she had run out of chances?

thefudgeling Mon 01-Oct-12 14:59:12

dunno goosey!

She'll be massively hurt I think and I don't want to hurt her.

MsOnatopp Mon 01-Oct-12 17:12:01

I understand you wanting to be caring to someone with issues and I think you are one of these people that just wants to give everyone the benefit of the doubt but sometimes you have to admit that you have done all you can and let someone go.

Firawla Mon 01-Oct-12 17:15:15

I would get rid - she really does not sound worth it as a friend

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