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To be worried that my sister isnt worried about this?

(11 Posts)
nananaps Mon 01-Oct-12 11:33:54

My sister has had a rough time.
She has a gorgeous scrumptios 9 year old dd, who is hard work, but who i adore.

My sister recently got a council flat which she has done up and it is absolutely gorgeous, so happy and proud for her. Its her and her dds little haven, she is very happy there.

DN has made new friends and is out playing allot with her new pals.
BUT she went missing for over an hour the other evening and my mum & dssis were driving around the council estate for over an hour looking for dn.

My mum got pissed off (another story) and so went home, leaving my sister not knowing where dn was.
DN has a mobile phone, but says she never has any credit on it, and ignors my sisters texts. (there are some behavioural issues which are on going unfortunately).
But my sister came home and went back onto the lap top, and waited for dn to come home, not at all worried that this little girl was missing on a notorious council estate!
Didnt see anything wrong with it at all.
I know that this is absolutely none of my beezwax, but what if something had happened to her, she will be affected for the rest of her life, damaged and it just doesnt bear thinking about.
We do things very very differently, i get that, but is this not kinda obvious?
Dont think that dsis is depressed or anything, but should it be brought up in conversation or left alone do you think?

(Obv dont want to upset or offend sis, but this really worries me)

WorraLiberty Mon 01-Oct-12 11:39:33

Yes I think you should bring it up with her because you might not have all the facts right, given that you have a secondhand story.

Why would you text a missing child instead of phoning them?

nananaps Mon 01-Oct-12 11:51:01

I dont know! I asked this, and my mum just said that dn wont answer the phone anyway.

Think she wanted to stay out later to play...but where the jeff was she for over an hour in the evening?

Birdsgottafly Mon 01-Oct-12 12:00:05

but where the jeff was she for over an hour in the evening?

Probably in one of her mates.

Your sister has to start 'reeling' her in a bit. This is the age that you can still do this, she should be laying down bounderies now.

I live on a 'notorious' housing estate and a 9 year old could wander around safely, but i would have my doubts over a 12 year old.

This is what your sister has to prepare for.

Flisspaps Mon 01-Oct-12 12:00:09

At a friend's house? A park/green area? Wandering around with some of her pals?

diddl Mon 01-Oct-12 12:04:15

Does your sister not know where she was then?

Perhaps your sister would have done more again after tzhe hour IYSWIM?

What else should she have done?

Are you sure she´s so unconcerned?

) is young to just clear off with/without friends though.

She should always be asking if she can go on elsewhere.

Birdsgottafly Mon 01-Oct-12 12:14:26

Can you have an honest talk with your sister?

I let my middle DD away with to much to compensate over the death of her dad. I wish that i would have been stricter with her when she was hitting senior school.

She went off the rails slightly between 13-15. She says now at nearly 17 that i should have been stricter with her.

Your sister may be compensating,or still in recovery from having it rough, herself.

So do this in a non blame way.

FrustratedSycamorePants Mon 01-Oct-12 12:22:17

Why were you not looking OP?
You seem quick to judge your own sister based on what your pissed off mum has deemed to tell you.
I do think however that this 9yo possibly has too much freedom, but it is easy enough as a child to not consider the time when you are with mates, perhaps your sister had already told your mum that she wouldn't be looking for dd as dd could be anywhere, and would just wait for her to get home and then ground her/tell her off etc, and your mum went out to search herself.

By all means speak to your sister, but don't go jumping in with judgy opinions until you have the other side of the story.

Paiviaso Mon 01-Oct-12 12:30:03

Leave it alone. Nothing bad happened to your niece. It sounds like your sister was confident your niece was playing up, and that there are other disciplinary issues at play. Not sure why you would feel the need to tell your sister she was handling it wrong after the situation was resolved.

Perhaps she went home so that if DN showed up there she could call off the search party.

nananaps Mon 01-Oct-12 12:38:47

I have a family of my own and i work, im not around my sister all the time. Only knew about this as i bobbed into my mums for a cuppa.
It happened about a week ago my mum says.
TBH i kinda take my mums version with a pinch of salt as there are issues with her & my sister.

I can have a talk with my sis as we get on very well, and she will take on board advice and help if needed.
Im totally opposite to my sister when it comes to parenting, so i never get involved...she on the other hand is very quick to tell me where i go wrong wth my child. We are able to chat sensibly about it, there are never any arguments it has to be said.

We tend to agree to disagree in the main.

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