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To get my baby christened without everyone knowing?

(30 Posts)
Wheresmygalaxy Mon 01-Oct-12 10:39:55

Ds is now 3 1/2 months old and myself and my oh are thinking of getting him christened. the only thing that puts me off it dp's family (parents in particular) are huge drinkers whereas my family are very quiet and hardly drink. theyve both been together before and while they appeared to get on fine i overheard in laws telling someone how boring they all were for not getting pissed!

both in laws are huge drinkers, ive posted about there antics before,a nd the past few months they have been a nightmare, family events in there family involve hiring a local back room of a pub, hiring a dj, putting on full food, sometimes they have a photographer or someone in fancy dress costume for the kids - like mickey mouse etc or bouncy castle. while all this sounds lovely in reality the whole family gets as drunk as they can and makes a show of themselves, mil in particular, she has been known to try dancing on a table fall off the table and now has a metal plate in her leg. i know for a fact certain cousins of his take coke, whether theyd do this at a christening i really dont know, 2 others have police records and always seem to end up in a fight, 1 is out on bail right now.

in reality we also cant afford all this but they are expecting it so they can invite all their friends to show off, my own family are more interested in just going to the church maybe a few coming back to our house but for obvious reasons i wouldnt invite all his family back to our house as i know they would ruin something. last xmas we had his parents round his mum managed to break the bathroom sink off the wall by trying to sit on it to do her shoe up and also knocked over a door by falling into it drunk. they are a nightmare and the thread about marry the man marry the family scares me to death! they didnt always used to be like this but they have got inceasingly worse since all the children left home in recent years.

wibu to just got get him christened with just a few people and not tell all his family?

WorraLiberty Mon 01-Oct-12 10:42:48

I think that would cause all manner of fall outs to be honest.

It might be better to have him Christened, invite everyone to the church and then insist that you're not having anyone back at all.

It's a shame though that these people's behaviour means you can't do what you want sad

MrsRobertDuvallHasRosacea Mon 01-Oct-12 10:45:37

God do it.
What a horrible family. (not you)

We had a very small christening for ours..just godparents.
ILs were incandescant with rage as they were not invited.
"but I've bought a new hat" ...exactly.

Wheresmygalaxy Mon 01-Oct-12 10:47:23

I know it seems a horrible thing to exclude certain members of his family, some are lovely and id love to have a celebration of ds without it turning into a family piss up.

i think saying we are having nobody back at all though would cause even more fall outs though, they are expecting the big party and will be just as upset if they dont get it.any reason for drinking and they are right there with their bottles ready sad

GoldPlatedNineDoors Mon 01-Oct-12 10:47:39

If you go to church regularly why not ask the Vicar if he can Christen your ds on a certain day you will be attending?

Friends of ours did this, then went out the four of them (2dcs) for a nice lunch together afterwards.

WorraLiberty Mon 01-Oct-12 10:49:45

Yes but are you thinking of inviting anyone from your own family?

If you are, that's what I think will cause all manner of fall outs sadly.

Mind you, if you insist on having no-one back they might not turn up to the Christening at all?

Then you can invite who you like back to your home and just tell them you changed your mind on the day?

cantspel Mon 01-Oct-12 10:50:42

Just have the christening without the piss up afterwards after all a christening is about being welcomed into your church not an excuse for a family piss up.

Tea and cake in the church hall afterwards if you want to offer something to your guests.

squeakytoy Mon 01-Oct-12 10:51:11

I would just have it as a small close family event at your own home after the church. That way you can invite say both sets of grandparents and perhaps your siblings, and restrict the amount of booze they can drink.

GlaikitFizzog Mon 01-Oct-12 10:54:39

Can you do parents only and godparents? Then Sunday lunch back at yours with no alcohol? I really don't understand whey people see a christening as an excuse for a piss up. I think it's a bit disrespectful. And I'm not even religious.

Friends of ours did this to avoid her drunken extended family. And it worked out fine.

FellatioNelson Mon 01-Oct-12 10:59:01

You have my sympathies OP - they sound like a total pain in the arse. I think it would be a big mistake to exclude them from any 'do' you choose to have, but I see no problem with just quietly doing it with the Godparents. Explain to your own parents why you must exclude them as well for diplomatic reasons, and just go out for a quiet lunch with the godparents afterwards.

Your in-laws need never even know unless you choose to tell them, and it probably won't even come up in conversation.

Wheresmygalaxy Mon 01-Oct-12 10:59:47

GlaikitFizzog I was thinking of doing this, just grandparents and and the godparents which would be both our siblings, i mentioned what we were thinking of doing to mil and she nearly fainted, oh but you have to have a party for ds - im sure at 3 months old he doesnt know if a party si for him or for his grandparents to get drunk hmm

DontmindifIdo Mon 01-Oct-12 11:00:16

I'd go for trying to get your dc christened in the early service (normally around 9am start) with no one back to the house. Invite them just to church, but nothing else. You can't have a party just for your side, but maybe book a table for lunch for just your parents, pil and godparents at a restaurant near by, would they get hammered at lunch in a restaurant? ESP if they were outnumbered...

HoopDePoop Mon 01-Oct-12 11:02:27

Same as weddings - it's about the meaning not the party - if you don't want all the hoo-hah that goes with it then you shouldn't have to justify it to anyone smile

YouMayLogOut Mon 01-Oct-12 11:02:54

Have the christening and invite everyone. Then have everyone stay in the church hall, congregation welcome too, for tea and cake.

Give the relatives names of a few pubs/restaurants where they might like to have lunch, and let them sort themselves out.

DontmindifIdo Mon 01-Oct-12 11:03:16

Plus going out to lunch means you can leave if they get drunk, also they then couldn't just invite others...

Alternatively, you could say your not having anything at your house, if mil wants to arrange something at her house that's ok, but you won't nor will you pay for it. Stay for an hour after service then leave. What they then do isn't your problem...

GlaikitFizzog Mon 01-Oct-12 11:03:25

I think then you need to just say, "this is what we are doing, you are invited to join us but I will understand if you do not want to be part of our plans for our son you selfish old hag "

What does dh think, will he back you up?

Wheresmygalaxy Mon 01-Oct-12 11:12:07

GlaikitFizzog i half think he will and half think he will want to please his parents. he always seeks there approval over most things, which i find quite sad and always remind him he's his own person. the thing is though after ds was born mil got extremely drunk and rang most of the family to tell them how mean we were being by not bringning him down to see her all the time. in reality id been out the hospital for a week, shed seen him 3 times during that week and he was only 2 wks old after being in intensive care.

because of her antics most of his family either had a go at him or stopped talking to us and its only recently shes admitted to people she made a lot of stuff up in her own head and made it out to be worse than the problem was.

i think he would see this christening as a way of getting everyone together again and putting the past behind us. i just know if i did it though 1, i wouldnt be drinking at all as id be looking after ds and 2, id be on tenderhooks all day long waiting for something to happen. I just dont want to feel like this and would rather it be close immediate family, and godparents for a dinner somewhere. thanks for the idea for doing that.

goldenlula Mon 01-Oct-12 11:12:30

I would go with the tea and cake in the church hall after and if challenged reply 'It is about getting ds christened, not an excuse to have a party' and this is how we ( his parents wish) to do it. My children's christenings were close family events only, with the addition of god parents if they were not part of the family. Close family includes parents and siblings, nieces and nephews on both sides. Unfortunately for me, dh's close family is large, with him being one of nine siblings (full, half and step siblings)!

Hopeforever Mon 01-Oct-12 11:16:52

The idea to have tea and cake in the church afterwards is a brilliant idea.

When you talk to the Vicar explain what you have said on here (you don't have to mention who is the drinker, just that someone is) and could you please use the church or the church hall after the service. I'm sure they would consider it

For the sake of family, I wouldn't invite some family and not others.

Feel for you

OTheHugeManatee Mon 01-Oct-12 11:18:05

I think tea and cake in the church hall is a good solution. If you think they are incorrigible enough to bring their own six-packs of lager into a church hall before noon on a Sunday, hold the get-together afterwards in a tea room that doesn't serve booze. Then when people start pestering you to go on with them for a pissup pub lunch you insist that it's your baby's nap time and you need to go home.

GlaikitFizzog Mon 01-Oct-12 11:21:22

Pfft I think you are being gracious even considering involving her after her drunken lies. Did you have a thread at the time about it, or maybe someone else has a similar MIL.

My MIL and SIL seem to think they are ore important toDH than me andDS but he has stuck up for us against them. I know they bad mouth me to the rest of his family when they can, but I don't really know his family (weddings and funerals family) so couldn't give a flying fig. What they think.

I think you need to talk to dh first, explain why you don't want a huge party, explain that he no longer is just his parents son, he is now a husband and a father. He needs to be your advocate in all this, presenting a united front. His parents don't really deserve his loyalty any more.

Bunbaker Mon 01-Oct-12 11:26:46

How about a booze free gathering afterwards? Tea and sandwiches/cake afterwards is fine, and if they don't like it they can lump it.

Wheresmygalaxy Mon 01-Oct-12 11:27:29

GlaikitFizzog yes i probably did have a thread about it, this is my outlet on here as im sure my faily are sick of listening to me whinging about her.

othehuge do i think they would bring their own booze....well lets see last weekend was dp's cousin's wedding, she had the reception in a social club, rather than pay for their drinks like normal people, in laws popped over the road to the aldi and stocked up there drink supply from there.

yes. yes i do think they are the type of people to bring booze to any occassion, mil carries round a hip flas for such emergencies. blush

Bunbaker Mon 01-Oct-12 11:34:12

Don't tell them it is alcohol free in advance, and have the venue nowhere near an off licence then.

OTheHugeManatee Mon 01-Oct-12 11:38:26

shock In that case, OP, you need to choose a tearoom that's run by truly catsbumfaced old battleaxe types who'll call the police if anyone misbehaves grin

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