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To feel down

(4 Posts)
peasorbeans Mon 01-Oct-12 10:14:58

I moved out of London a few years ago to live in the country with my husband and our daughter.

We've moved back to an area where my husband grew up and a lot of the people here are his old school friends and their wives. It's a fairly affluent area and I'm finding that many of the women are a bit superficial to be honest.

I don't have much in common with them. Their interests, or what they place value on, don't mirror my own at all. It's hard to find some common ground without feeling that I'm being judged by what I'm wearing or who I've been seeing (there's an emphasis here on being 'in with the set').

In time, I'm sure I'll find more like-minded people in time, but I feel a bit lonely and a bit sad that these are the only sorts of people there seem to be.

How can I best 'keep my head'? I know I just need to stay true to myself and be strong, but I'm feeling a bit sad about it all.

Shakey1500 Mon 01-Oct-12 10:22:44

My DH could have written that ^^ a few years ago. He's from London and we moved to my home town to raise our DH. He absolutely hated it at first. Felt people were looking down on him and his cockney accent, taking the piss out of it and he found it hard to get work. The only people he socialised with were my family, which was stifling for him.

Eventually though, he started venturing out further a field, to the next village. Found a great little pub, started going there once a week. Initially he was on nodding terms with people, then he started talking to them and now he's like a fully fledged local. He also found work eventually.

I suppose what I'm saying is that it's perfectly natural to feel a bit lonely and sad about it all at first. Are there any local groups of interest you could join? Where more like minded people could be found?

aldiwhore Mon 01-Oct-12 10:24:04

We have the 'Cheshire Set' here and they are exhausting. Fortunately I can avoid them mostly, I have little in common with them, but there are a few couples that are old school friends of DH's and when we meet up its hard not to feel shabby (non designer out fits for me) flabby (don't have a personal trainer) and wrinkly (they all have a lot of botox, at least it disguises their scornful looks). BUT I don't mind occassionally, I'm confident enough to really not care (apart from when with them).

I've made a massive effort to find other coupley/family friends that we can fill our calander with, and its working well. I take comfort in the fact that actually, deep down I am a lot happier than most of them. (I am not anti-designer or anti-exercise by the way, though I am anti-botox. I am not anti-rich, but anti-set).

peasorbeans Mon 01-Oct-12 10:30:13

Thank you both for your replies. And for your reassurances. Yes, Shakey I am trying to meet other people who are more grounded and I am building those friendships, but slowly. I've also started working too and the people at work are lovely.

It's really stupid, but as you say aldiwhore I find myself feeling shabby - even inferior! - in their company, when in reality, I think my life's richer and happier.

I'm just struggling to feel confident enough to not care about it!

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