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Are some parents too lax or am I too cautious? Don't know. Need Mumsnet Jury.

(106 Posts)
CrapBag Sun 30-Sep-12 20:52:39

Been having some conversations with various people recently about safety and such around children. I am pretty careful with certain things and I am a wary person. I try not to be neurotic and I think I am well balanced in what I am careful with but some people I know do not seem to share some of my fears and I don't know whether they are slightly lax or I am over cautious.

Someone I know has blinds in her living room. My mum has cautioned her on the hanging cords as she often has her granddaughter (3) to stay but she doesn't listen and just says "its ok, x listens to me and won't play with them". X is not known for her listening and doing as she is told skills.

My sister baths her 2 DS's together, oldest is 4, youngest is 16 months. The 16 month old is in a bath seat (and has recently started walking so probably climbing to follow). She leaves the room and does things in the upstairs rooms, but she also admitted that she will nip downstairs as she can run up quickly again. I have similar age children who DP mainly baths but I won't let them be left in the bath alone together. IMO the youngest is too young to be left.

A couple of relatives regularly give lifts to others children, under the age of 5 with no booster seat. Their reasoning is they aren't going far so it is ok.

I get laughed at for still cutting up grapes for my 5 year old. Yes I know this may be a bit OTT but as they are such a choking hazard, I just don't take that chance.

I have all my medications etc right up put of reach. My cousin recently told me that she leaves her pills (the pill) on her nightstand as her children (5) know they are not allowed to touch them. I know one of my children is still young but even if I didn't have a 23 month old, I still wouldn't leave pills around within reach of my 5 year old.

I also don't leave any cords hanging around, belts, ties, dressing gown that sort of thing as I think children can get into trouble by playing with them but I am pretty sure that all of my friends did hmm when I said about that one.

So Mumsnet Jury, am I over cautious or are some people a bit too lax or is a bit of both?

Just read back, all of the above are things that I don't do that I thought were a matter of course but others seem to think that I am too careful and their children won't do things because they know not to, like mine doesn't hmm.

CaptainVonTrapp Sun 30-Sep-12 20:57:43

YANBU (apart from the grapes!!)

PickledFanjoCat Sun 30-Sep-12 20:59:19

Bit of both. Some of the things I agree some I would think ok.

As long as you don't interfere with what other people do then you should go with your gut feeling with your own kids as you know them the best.

Tee2072 Sun 30-Sep-12 21:00:54

You are a bit OTT cutting grapes for a 5 year old. Mine's 3.3 and I don't cut his grapes.

The rest...maybe a bit too cautious about ties, although I don't hand them around for play time, I don't forbid hide them either.

I also don't panic about booster seats if the child is on the tall side.

The rest? Especially the medicine, I'm right with you.

squeakytoy Sun 30-Sep-12 21:01:01

Not sure really.. every child is different, as is every parent.

I grew up in an era where booster seats where not in existence, my grandparents had blinds (and it would never have even occurred to me as a child to touch them), I was never allowed to help myself to anything, and the kitchen door was always closed when I was a toddler anyway (with a handle way out of reach),

ShutTheFrontDoor Sun 30-Sep-12 21:01:19

I'm quite relaxed but not about any of the things you mention. Apart from dressing gowns and belts, never thought of that one tbh.
I can't abide neurotic, helicopter parents, but from the above info, you don't seem to be one.

CandiStaton Sun 30-Sep-12 21:01:39

i agree with you on booster seats, the bath and medication

think you are unreasonable over grapes and blinds

HSMM Sun 30-Sep-12 21:01:41

YANBU. Leave the others to their own choices and do what is right for you.

ShutTheFrontDoor Sun 30-Sep-12 21:02:25

My ds is 4 and I do cut grapes, was told by a nurse to always do that as she has seen too many sad endings working in a & e.

MsFlippingHeck Sun 30-Sep-12 21:02:35


I cut grapes into quarters for my 3yo!!

I haven't put my dressing gown cord away though. Do most people?

Leena49 Sun 30-Sep-12 21:03:31

No your not too cautious. I'm with you there. I pity the kids of parents who don't seem to recognise dangers. I can sometimes come across as uptight though. I got teased last month by a parent who made a comment about me being over the top about booster seats. This is a guy whose seat belts don't even work in his rear seats. He just makes his child look like they are wearing it! Consequently I don't trust him with my dog and my dd is not going for tea there.

edam Sun 30-Sep-12 21:04:42

I think you sound very sensible. I never put dressing gown cords away, though.

CrapBag Sun 30-Sep-12 21:05:21

I suspect the dressing gown is just me. Not sure what I think they will do tbh. I started doing it one day and its become a habit.

I knew people would mention the grapes. I have just looked at choking hazards and it recommends that grapes be cut until children are well over 5. I did witness my brother choking when I was 11. It has stayed with me and been a massive fear since.

ShutTheFrontDoor Sun 30-Sep-12 21:05:24

And an acquaintance was sat at a party with a lovely family, the week after she heard their 3 year old had died on the blind cords. Got mine tied up pretty damn quick after that.
It's on the news from time to time aswell. I cannot watch my ds all the time so I make my house as safe as possible.

MammaTJisWearingGold Sun 30-Sep-12 21:05:49

YANBU but neither are the others. Each of us have to do what we feel comfortable with.

I don't let my DC age 7 and 6 out to play. Mainly because I have horrible neighbours. Lots of people do and their children are fine. (I did with my older DD because the neighbour situation was different).

I do let my 7 year old help me with food preparation, using knives.

I NEVER cut grapes for them, they have perfectly good teeth!

parakeet Sun 30-Sep-12 21:06:31

I think I'm fairly cautious but I have never cut up grapes. At first I didn't know you were supposed to, then when I discovered you were (on here) they had been eating them for years, chewing them up fine. (Youngest then was probably three.) I gave them both at bit of a talk about always chewing grapes and they both took it in.

People not using car seats make me sick. Basically it boils down to them risking their children's lives because they can't be arsed wtih a little bit of extra faff.

StetsonsAreCool Sun 30-Sep-12 21:07:06

Hmm, I would say YANBU as that's your reaction to perceived risk.

I have left DD (2.4) in the bath to get a towel out of the airing cupboard, but she's never out of sight, so I don't know if that counts.

I don't cut her grapes. I have my pill packet on my bedside table, along with my nail scissors. She ignores the stuff on my bedside table becuase she's been told to leave it alone so many times. Saying that, she's never unsupervised upstairs so I'm always helicoptering there in case there was a problem. I'm sure I'll put all that stuff out of reach when she's old enough to play up there alone though. Don't know where I'll lock all the belts and scarves though confused wink

CrapBag Sun 30-Sep-12 21:07:54

See, a 7 year old helping with food prep is fine anyway. I am assuming you aren't letting them run around the house with a knife, brandishing it as a sword. wink

DameEnidsOrange Sun 30-Sep-12 21:11:01

DDs friend's Dad works in A&E. He still insists grapes are cut for their 8yo as he has fought in vain to save the lives of several children who choked on grapes. There is something about their shape and size that means that once they are stuck in the windpipe they are almost impossible to dislodge.

YANBU, I'd rather be over protective than spend the rest of my life regretting not doing something.

Pagwatch Sun 30-Sep-12 21:11:11

Tbh I think your whole premis - other people o x but I do y - is suggesting that you are overly preoccupied.
I can't think of an occasion where I sat and had conversations with friends about safety at bath time or the potential hazard involved in owning blinds.

StaceymReadyForNumber3 Sun 30-Sep-12 21:11:25

As long as you don't interfere (or try to) with what they're doing it's not a problem.

You're much more safety conscious than me though. Dcs know not to touch stuff on my nightstand which includes currently my antibiotics. They are nearly 6 and nearly 8.

And I'm not sure I ever cut up grapes hmm but I don't remember huge amounts from when they were small (PND) so I may have done!

freddiefrog Sun 30-Sep-12 21:12:13

YANBU, but we all have our own things that worry us

My blind cords are tied up and I used to cut grapes until they were 4/5, but I would potter around upstairs while they were in the bath and they do play out

In someways I'm quite laid back, but in other ways I do things that other people think is nuts

CrapBag Sun 30-Sep-12 21:17:16

"Tbh I think your whole premis - other people o x but I do y - is suggesting that you are overly preoccupied."

Its only because various conversations have cropped up and I have had a few hmm from others.

I know my ties, belts thing is probably OTT and I don't know where thats from. Grapes, I am happy to be told I am OTT on that one. I won't agree and its not a risk I will take as I know if the worst happened, I wouldn't regret not doing what I thought was the right thing.

Read far too many blind cord stories to not think about that one. There was one in my area last year. sad

CrapBag Sun 30-Sep-12 21:18:44

If it was just a 4 year old in the bath it wouldn't bother me and I would happily potter but I think a 16 month old is a bit young, plus a bath seat is not a substitute for supervision.

CrunchyFrog Sun 30-Sep-12 21:20:49

I looked around the house the other day and thought, gosh, DC3 is clearly either less precious than the other two, or I have far more faith in his abilities!

Tiny pieces of crappy toys everywhere, he figured out cupboard and door locks (with sibling support, the buggers) before he was 1, he could open stair gates by 18 months, he's been in a mid-sleeper bed since he was 2. I don't recall cutting grapes for him at any point. He's 3.10 and mostly fine so far!

I do insist on cycle helmets, seat belts etc. But other stuff, which seemed so very important with DC1, sort of fell away. blush

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