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Ainu not to invite anorexic to dinner party

(52 Posts)
Dancingqueen17 Sun 30-Sep-12 19:04:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SammyTheSwedishSquirrel Sun 30-Sep-12 19:06:32

Not to invite anorexic? hmm

BenandBolly Sun 30-Sep-12 19:06:35

Gosh, such a difficult one. I don't know the answer because it will be her idea of hell but by excluding her you will be pushing her further into her own world of not eating.

How do you know she's anorexic? Does she readily admit to the disease or is she in denial?

LizLemon007 Sun 30-Sep-12 19:07:14

dont' invite her if you don't want to and she'd rather not be there! would she eat some stuff? like if you invite her round and tell her you've made WW no points soup would she eat that? (i knwo there is no point trying to make her eat if she's not 'there')

Scaredbutdoingit Sun 30-Sep-12 19:07:17

I would talk to her, explain that I realise she finds occasions involving eating difficult, and would she prefer to just not be invited for discretion sake?

Perhaps you could add that you'd like to do something else with her that she would enjoy later and ask her what her idea of a good outing would be.

AGoldenOrange Sun 30-Sep-12 19:07:39

Hope thats a typo in the title!

Have you asked her what she would want to do?

VBisme Sun 30-Sep-12 19:08:30

If she's admitting that there is a problem and seeking treatment then talk to her about it.
Otherwise invite her but expect a refusal.

McHappyPants2012 Sun 30-Sep-12 19:08:33

I would invite her any way, but make it easy for her to make the decision to come or not.

corblimeymadam Sun 30-Sep-12 19:08:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MmeLindor Sun 30-Sep-12 19:08:43

Can't you do a buffet style cocktail party where it won't be obvious that she's not eating?

ashesgirl Sun 30-Sep-12 19:09:37

Well is she very open about her anorexia or something she never refers to? If the latter, then invite her and she will decline if she doesn't want to come.

RoobyMurray Sun 30-Sep-12 19:10:31

invite her and she can deal with the invitation how she wishes.

to not invite her would be excluding her.

you are not responsible for how she responds to the invitation, or how she feels while she is there, but if she is part of your social group it's a bit mean to not invite her.

Shakey1500 Sun 30-Sep-12 19:11:28

Sorry, but talk about alienating. So if she's one of the "group" as it were how will she feel when she knows that everyone else went but she wasn't invited. Awful probably. At least invite her and give her the option of making those excuses if she so wishes.

RuleBritannia Sun 30-Sep-12 19:11:41

I would invrte her and leave it up to her whether or not she comes. Having a dinner party is not just about eating. It's about socialising as well. With a bit of luck she might spot something enticing and have a nibble.

If you do not invite her and she hears about it from a mutual friend, you will be making her feel a bit of an outcast nd might cause a split in your friendship. Invite her and leave it to her to decide..

RuleBritannia Sun 30-Sep-12 19:12:03


Strawhatpirate Sun 30-Sep-12 19:12:33

Maybe try and have a chat with her about if she would be comfortable in that kind of scenario or if there's anything you could do to make her feel more at ease? Might be better than her finding out afterwards that way you would probably both feel awkward. Good luck!

TodaysAGoodDay Sun 30-Sep-12 19:12:44

Firstly, she's not an anorexic, she's a person who suffers with anorexia. Sorry about sounding funny about this but I used to nurse young women with this disease, and they hated being described by their illness. It's a bit like calling a person with diabetes a diabetic, they're not. They're a human being who just happens to suffer with diabetes. I will get off my soap box now.

If she is someone with anorexia, then yes, it will truly be her idea of hell. You could always give her the invitation, and say 'there's absolutely no pressure on anybody to go, so if you don't fancy it then don't be scared to say no'. Make sure you say this to everyone else too, though.

Could you organise a get-together where the main aim isn't to eat? Much less pressure on her, and she'd be more likely to go.

Viviennemary Sun 30-Sep-12 19:13:40

At first I was tempted to say don't invite her. But perhaps if you did serve yourself portions it could work.

panicnotanymore Sun 30-Sep-12 19:17:14

Why do all your social events involve eating? That seems weird to me. Novel idea - arrange one that doesn't. All forms of MH issue are by their nature very excluding, and it would be so lovely if her friends went to the effort to involve her in something she is comfortable with. That in itself might help her start to address her ED.

If one of your group had vertigo, would you arrange a day out abseiling? Probably not....

Dancingqueen17 Sun 30-Sep-12 19:19:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twofalls Sun 30-Sep-12 19:19:26

Honestly, don't people TALK to their friends? I would just say would live it if you could come but no obligation to if you are busy or it's not your thing. Don't just not invite her for heavens sake.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo Sun 30-Sep-12 19:21:31

why not just say 'we're doing this and we'd love you to come but i know you might have something on earlier in the evening, if so promise to come for coffee and drinks afterwards, would you please?'

Dancingqueen17 Sun 30-Sep-12 19:24:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NatashaBee Sun 30-Sep-12 19:28:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MummyBarrow Sun 30-Sep-12 19:49:32

I dont think it should be your problem. I dont mean that to be brutal but if you want to invite her. Do.

You shouldnt have to worry about how she feels, or how uncomfortable she will be. That is not your concern.

You are having a dinner party and you would like to invite her. So invite her. If she makes and excuse to not come, or to come but "have eaten earlier" etc then that is fine too.

You cant take on other people's issues. Well you can, of course you can, but not in this situation.

My daughter's best friend is anorexic and we always invite her to events. Sometimes she comes, but has eaten (yeah right) or sometimes she doesnt. Sometimes she will play with food and push it about. Either way, it doesnt matter. We invited her.

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