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AIBU?

To need your advice on this

16 replies

Tryingtobenice · 30/09/2012 18:34

Sorry, am being impatient, posted in behaviour butgot no replies so trying here as seriously stressing about this

My baby hates everything except being held, and held in a particular forward facing sitting up position at that. Whilst we walk round. We can't sit. We can't stand still.

DD is 17 weeks and lovely and lively and engaged. In a rough 'easy' routine but the activity is full on parental play. we get 30 mins of feed, 40 mins sleep and in between we have 2 hours of singing, playing, pulling faces and walking, walking walking. It's mentally (& physically) exhausting. She is ebf if that matters.

She hates her pram, pushchair, car seat and sling. She can just aboutstand the baby bjorn for short periods.

My problem: my mum has been flooded, lost everything and made homeless. She is a widow and i am an only child. I have to help her. To do this I have a 4 hour car journey to get to my mum and my baby will scream the whole time until she is asleep. I have to stop every 10 mins to cuddle and calm or try to feed to sleep. We dida 40 min trip today and after 2 stops i ended up holding her out of the car seat for the last 10 mins. Which is horribly dangerous and stupid but she was screaching her little lungs out.

When i am at my mums (or at least my aunt's where she is currently staying) i need to be able to help my mum, not just baby watch. Obviously cuddles from the first grandchild will really help cheer her up but a bit of practical help from me is needed.

I've heard all the 'enjoy the cuddles' stuff but a) she isn't cuddling, she's expecting transportation! B) i have to be able to do stuff.

What can i do?

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OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 30/09/2012 18:39

Sorry to hear about your Mum.

I wish I could tell you what to do with your baby, but my baby was exactly the same and the only thing that worked was waiting until he was old enough to amuse himself. I don't think there is a magic answer, you can't change your babies personality and some of them just need a lot of stimulation.

I think your baby needs you more than your Mum tbh, and I'm sure she will understand that your help is going to be severely limited while you have a 4 month old baby.

BeauNeidel · 30/09/2012 18:40

My first thoughts are if she's always been this way, could she have reflux? My second thought is, is she having a growth spurt? It also sounds like you are not leaving her long enough (especially in the car) to try and get her to go to sleep. She is still only tiny, if she is not uncomfortable or in pain then the car should send her to sleep. Make your journey but make a decision not to stop for at least an hour unless it for a toilet break (for you!) or nappy change.

Either way, I don't have any real advice. She won't go anywhere if you have to let her cry, sometimes it just has to be done so life can continue.

YellowDinosaur · 30/09/2012 18:41

I had a baby a bit like this. I got a wrap sling (mine was a hugabub) which was bloody marvellous because it holds them really close to you and they are well supported unlike a baby Bjorn. It meant I could play with his big brother, even crawling round soft play, and had both my hands free. Worth a go?

noodleone · 30/09/2012 18:47

Sorry to hear about your mum. I had a baby just like this and I remember how difficult travel was. I was just wondering if there is anything you can do to help from where you are. When mine was small I think it would have been more helpful to do things like chase up on the phone etc and visiting sometimes rather than trying to be there all the time and not being able to do much. Obviously if your mum needs you, just go and you can muddle through together

Tryingtobenice · 30/09/2012 18:49

I have a karime sling. Worked like a charm for about the first 3 weeks. Now she screams blue murder in it. She doesn't really was to cuddle, just be transported around and keep an eye on the world.

She's always hated being left alone but i don't think it's reflux as she's fine on her back being entertained!

There is the 16 week sleep regression going on as well, but that's a whole other issue.

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YellowDinosaur · 30/09/2012 18:51

And could you go on the train to your mums? Might be more relaxing if your baby is so unsettled in the car? If your Mum /aunt bought nappies and wipes etc? I do remember how much stuff I used to take away when mine were small so this might be a ridiculous suggestion but then again it might be easier than having to listen to her Brigg

Mydogsleepsonthebed · 30/09/2012 18:51

Could you put her in a sling but facing outwards?

YellowDinosaur · 30/09/2012 18:51

Brigg = dyac for crying

YellowDinosaur · 30/09/2012 18:52

Karime sling (almost identical to hugabub) facing forwards?

Tryingtobenice · 30/09/2012 18:59

I kind of have to drive. Took the train last time and was fine as i could play and chat and carry the whole way. But my mum's car is a write off as it was parked outside the flat and it is really rural so she needs help getting to and from her flat and options for temporary accommodation etc.

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Tryingtobenice · 30/09/2012 19:08

If you really think the sling forwards would work better than the baby bjorn i'll give it a go. Although it says 40 mins max facing forwards, but hey, it's 40 mins more than i have at the moment.

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noblegiraffe · 30/09/2012 19:18

Re baby screaming in the car - have you tried music? My DS screamed in the car and in frustration I ended up turning on the radio so loud I couldn't hear him (awful but made it less stressful for me) and after a few minutes he fell asleep! Or nursery rhymes?

Or a CD of white noise?

TidyGOLDDancer · 30/09/2012 19:23

I had one like this. It wasn't much fun, so you have my sympathy! My DD didn't have reflux either, and suddenly just seemed to decide she'd had enough of the constant screaming and calmed significantly.

As flippant as this may sound, I think given the circumstances you are just going to have to power through that journey. If DD screams, she screams. Stop when you can, but not excessively. As long as she is fed and dry and warm, I don't see what else you can do.

crazypaving · 30/09/2012 19:28

God, you poor thing. DS was exactly like this. The thought of a 4hr journey would've had me rocking in a corner - doubt I would've had the guts. poor you, your poor mum - no advice, but lots of sympathy.

Tryingtobenice · 02/10/2012 19:37

We made it! London to north yorks took 6.5 hrs and 2 stops but very careful timing got me only 30 mins screaming vs 3.5 hrs sleep.

She likes the wheels on the bus and waterfall by the stone roses. Eclectic taste for a little one!
The fact she had her jabs yesterday may have helped too.

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crazypaving · 03/10/2012 11:14

Hooray!! Well done you!

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