To not realise that i'm really on my own here

[readyforthehills]

it's late - i really thought mumsnet was going to help

[myroomisatip]

hey, I am here if you want a bit of company....

[maras2]

Hiya ready,I'm here.Want to talk ?You sound upset.

[readyforthehills]

oh thanks so much

[YouSmegHead]

Why what's up?

[readyforthehills]

you ready?!

[myroomisatip]

it is a bit comforting to know you are not the only one who cant sleep!

[ORANGEgiraffesCantWearGOLD]

Am up with bad nausea.

[maras2]

Not usually awake at this time but DGS1 age 3 is staying overnight.No amount of telling myself that he's fine etc. etc.and the fact that I've brought up his mum and another child is stopping me from worrrying for absolutely no sodding reason.Why are you up at this Godawfull time?

[Goldensunnydays81]

I'm up too, anything you want to chat about?

[readyforthehills]

i'm a single mum/only daughter. 71 year old father's brother has just died. Haven't spoken to my youngest brother in roughly 10 years - round about the time he told me i was a crap mother. I have tried though. My soon to be 12 year old child agrees about my crapness. Mum and dad want us to have dinner tomorrow. Youngest bro is only home out of love for dad.

[readyforthehills]

this is not an AIBU -sorry

[YouSmegHead]

Oh dear I'm sorry about your uncle. Do you think you brother will say something at such a difficult time. ignoring about dc hating you they all go through that

[maras2]

Don't worry about the catagory.Keep talking.Families can be a real pain can't they?I'm sure that you're not a crap anything.11 year old kid's are a right pain,It's their job.Go to your parents for dinner and stick up for yourself.

[myroomisatip]

So sorry to hear about your uncle.

Hopefully your brother will be better behaved, being older and hopefully wiser.

[readyforthehills]

No - because we both love our dad. When you think about it it's such an no brainer.

[Goldensunnydays81]

So sorry about your uncle
How old was your brother when you last saw him? Do you think he will say anything now?

[readyforthehills]

this has been so hard to work out - how!?

[readyforthehills]

there is no way he would say anything - neither would i.

[MrsTerrysChocolateOrange]

I thought my Mum was crap at 11 years old and loathed my Dad. Completely normal. Now, I wouldn't be without either of them. I love my Mum dearly. Remember that, go to your parents and have a lovely dinner.

[readyforthehills]

i have just sat here at 4 in the morning and realised that we all care together. What if it had been him or mum? Would we all be there? So we could sit round the table and talk. Sod the git who tells me how horrific i am as a mother (and clearly still needs me desperately). I miss my brother and will really miss my daddy.

[Latara]

Hi! I've been to sleep woke up on the sofa fully dressed, lights on, cat racing round... the neighbours (if they are up) will all wonder what i'm up to when actually i fell asleep at about 9 or 10pm (can't remember) - OMG i'm turning into my Nan.
& the cat just pooed her tray.
Back in a min.

[readyforthehills]

I am a good mum by the way! Thanks for listening.

[readyforthehills]

Thank you all. I feel so stupid because it's all so obvious.

[Latara]

Right, sad to hear about your poor uncle's death; 71 is still quite young really too. You will be upset about your uncle; & obviously worrying about your Dad bless him, it must be horrible to lose a sibling.

So you will have to be strong for him; as well as grieving yourself which is hard. & i expect your Mum & brother will be in the same position really.

It's going to feel a bit awkward to see your brother after 10 years; but you will have common ground to concentrate on (comforting your parents & feeling upset about your uncle).

It's really hard to forget nasty stuff people say; but 10 years is a long time & your brother probably regrets his words (but being a bloke is not likely to say so!). As a younger brother he probably didn't know what being a 'crap mother' actually is; & just for whatever reason chose to say that because it would upset you. I bet you weren't crap at all.

He will have changed a lot hopefully in those years; as will you.
Hopefully you can get to know each other again slowly; & rebuild your relationship if you feel ready to.

As for your son - ask any older child if you are a 'crap parent' & they will say 'yes' especially if they are 12... take it with a pinch of salt. :)

If you are worrying that you are a crap Mum then that means you aren't crap.
(Parents who actually are crap won't worry about being crap)

I'm having a & doing my nails in a min. I'm worrying about my job; that helps take my mind off things. take care xx

[Latara]

By 'aren't crap' i meant you are a good mum definitely because you obviously love & care for your son a lot.

I'm a crap cat owner though - forgot to feed her Friday night & she let me know about it! :( and hasn't stopped eating since, the little piggy! Now i'm worrying cos she's a bit fat... so maybe i'm not so crap after all either. But pets are like kids - they think you are terrible if they don't get what they want straight away, now! (Except they don't understand you so you can't explain your reasons for things to pets. sort of).

Now i'm going to do my nails or fall asleep first. x