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Is he BU refusing to do this?

(6 Posts)
SickOfThePast Sat 29-Sep-12 23:23:21

Have N/C for this thread and will try not to drip feed...

My parents split & divorced 11 years ago when I was 19 and I haven't seen or spoken to my F at all in that time. A few months ago, DM mentioned that when we moved out, she'd forgotten about a box of things that were in the attic which she'd brought with her when she'd first moved down to live with my F many, many years ago, and she would like to have it back (sentimental reasons).

I asked my cousin who I know is in contact with my F if he could ask my F if he could give my cousin the box so DM could have it back. Message came back that if we wanted the box, then we'd have to come around and get it ourselves.

He knows that neither of us will. DM wants nothing to do with him. I want nothing to do with him as shortly after the split when I had to continue living with F, I accidentally logged onto my F's internet account one day and found out he had some "questionable" and possibly borderline illegal interests. He also recently managed to gain information when DD was born which he only could have got by having a contact in the hospital who was prepared to commit gross misconduct (but don't have a name, so I haven't been able to make a complaint). I do not want to have any contact with him and no way that I want him to have anything to do with my DD (wouldn't put it past him to not blackmail me into bringing DD if I caved).

Is he BU in refusing to return my DM's property to her via a third party family member even though it's taken her over a decade to remember about it?

Floralnomad Sat 29-Sep-12 23:29:39

If its taken your mum 10 years to start worrying about this box I would just not bother. It's really not worth raking up old issues . But your F is being unreasonable BTW ,however I doubt there is anything you can do about that

purplewithred Sat 29-Sep-12 23:31:15

She's lucky he hasn't chucked it out. Sounds like there has been a lot of bad feeling since the divorce; i think it would be unreasonable of you to expect him to do this after all this time and lack of contact.

AgentZigzag Sat 29-Sep-12 23:35:23

Your mum is BU to put you in this position, how is it alright to ask you if you have the same relationship with him that she does?

I suppose it's his stuff and he can do what he wants with it, could he be trying to force you to make contact because he wants to build bridges? People can change, especially when they're getting older and reflecting on shitty things they've done in the past.

WorraLiberty Sat 29-Sep-12 23:36:38

I suppose it depends on what the 'borderline illegal interests' were really.

But I'm also surprised he even has the box after 10yrs.

SickOfThePast Sun 30-Sep-12 00:02:36

Box had been in the attic for 20 years before the split - no reason to think that it had been chucked, and response seems to confirm that. I think DM got sentimental recently, and I offered to ask my cousin if he could help.

The borderline illegal aspect is the reason why I do not want him near my family. AFAIK he doesn't know that I found out about his "interest".

F is in contact with other family members he knows are in contact with me. He has never made any attempt to contact me in over 10 years and during the divorce even tried to claim he knew nothing about a matured policy which had always been promised to me (I had been aware of it for years) so I only got half of the money which I thought I was going to get and influenced my decision to not go to university because of lack of funds.

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