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AIBU to expect adults to say please and thank you..and how to get someone to say please and thank you?

(26 Posts)
Itsgottabebags Sat 29-Sep-12 23:03:46

I have reason to use the "did you mean to be so rude" phrase but what I am interested in is to get ideas how to get someone to say please /thank you.

PickledFanjoCat Sat 29-Sep-12 23:04:58

Don't say did you mean that to be rude it's rubbish!

It's all in the context op. is it a biggie or a smallie?

NeDeLaMer Sat 29-Sep-12 23:05:51


A little context might help.

bonnieslilsister Sat 29-Sep-12 23:06:43

just say in a sing song voice "Whadddya saaaay"

Riddo Sat 29-Sep-12 23:06:54

I say "what do you say?", and then pretend that I was in work mode (I'm a CM). It usually works though grin. I also hold on to DH's coffee until he says thankyou.

WorraLiberty Sat 29-Sep-12 23:06:55

OMG Fanjo I think I love you! shock

You are the only person I've ever seen to say it's rubbish

And it is infact total rubbish and shite grin

Basically, if you ask someone if they meant to be so rude they're bound to ask if you've always been so sensitive?

Itsgottabebags Sat 29-Sep-12 23:07:41

Just on a day to day basis someone doesn't say please/thank you. For example asking to use something that doesn't belong to them. No please or thank you.

PrimrosePath Sat 29-Sep-12 23:08:10

Yanbu to expect please and thank you.

The only people you can make say please and thank you are your own children.

Itsgottabebags Sat 29-Sep-12 23:09:54

Fair enough. I can't make someone say it but it is basic manners

PrimrosePath Sat 29-Sep-12 23:10:02

I agree that 'did you mean to be so rude?' is pants.

WorraLiberty Sat 29-Sep-12 23:10:11

OP I'm really hot on manners...probably because I'm very mannerly myself.

If someone asks to borrow something I'd say, "Would you like a side order of please with that?" grin

LaFataTurchina Sat 29-Sep-12 23:11:50

Is their first language English?/ culture White British?
I only ask because in some languages/cultures you can be perfectly polite without saying please and thank you...having said that I always say please and thank you when I'm not at home!

More helpfully I'd just make sure I said please and thank you excessively whenever you see them and eventually it should sink in!

Itsgottabebags Sat 29-Sep-12 23:14:04

There are no cultural issues

WorraLiberty Sat 29-Sep-12 23:14:26

The thing is, when you visit a country one of the first things you should do is learn to say 'please, thank you, hello and goodbye' in that language.

Manners might not be so important in some other countries but they are here in the UK.

Carpediem2007 Sat 29-Sep-12 23:14:41

Like Riddo, I get DH to say please or thank you by not letting go of the cup of tea or whatever he asked for and looking at him expectantly, especially if DS is in the room as we all have to be polite to each other and modelling good manners is the best way to teach DS (and DH). I may even ask DH for the magic word :-)

I also get DS's friends to say please and thank you if they are a bit too cheeky about it (age 5).

WixedUpMords Sat 29-Sep-12 23:16:48

Do you realise, that was/that you are being, rude is a better version? (In a blunt tone)

claraschu Sat 29-Sep-12 23:17:44

It's incredibly rude to correct someone else's bad manners, (I think)--

BorisJohnsonsHair Sat 29-Sep-12 23:19:26

My (very senior) manager at work once came up to me and said "give me the finance figures". I just looked up at her and said, "Please". "Oh sorry, please give me the figures, Boris", she replied. I couldn't believe what I'd said; I was so used to dealing with my 3 year old at the time that it just came out. My manager always treated me much more respectfully after that though.

PickledFanjoCat Sat 29-Sep-12 23:19:51

It's snarky to correct a stranger. Stick to worrying about immeadiate family.

It's shite worra. You just say back, erm did you mean to be a ........... Insert insult.

apostropheuse Sat 29-Sep-12 23:20:26

It drives me insane when people don't say please and thank you. It seems to be getting more common too.

Unfortunately there's not much you can do about it.

WorraLiberty Sat 29-Sep-12 23:23:49

Boris I did exactly the same thing to someone when my kids were little!

It was just a reflex I think but it made them think about their lack of manners anyway blush

honeytea Sat 29-Sep-12 23:27:11

I live in a country where they don't have a word for please confused

My mum worked behind a bar when we were toddlers and she would hold onto the pint untill the person said thank you, maybe try sticky hands, if the person looks at you strange just look them in the eye and rais your eyebrows and say "thank you?"

BruisedFanjo Sat 29-Sep-12 23:27:35

I'm dead snippy when people don't say thank you, I can't help myself give a sarcastic "you're welcome" . Or if at work around customers, I just pretend I heard thank you, and do my usual polite "you're ever so welcome" with a cheese grin. They usually realise they'd been rude at this point n look shifty/embarrassed. Doesn't make them fess up and thank me properly though grump face

NeDeLaMer Sat 29-Sep-12 23:28:39

Hmm - well, according to my brother I don't say 'Please' and 'Thank you' enough. However, IMO, saying 'Please' & 'Thank you' are a) not the only way to ask nicely nor show gratitude and b) using those words does not mean that you are asking nicely smile

I might say 'Could you pass me the bread smile' <<< note the smile 'Thanks smile'

He would say 'Please pass the bread' << cold face, not really looking at you.

Frankly, I think my way is more polite & generally nicer. He disagrees. but I don't give a shit

Tone, it's all about tone grin

NeDeLaMer Sat 29-Sep-12 23:31:26

BruisedFanjo - I do that too if people aren't polite grin The older I'm getting the louder I do it too!!

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