AIBU not to take my poorly child into my bed?(23 Posts)
DD2 (7) has been poorly this week
I was talking to a few colleagues, told them I had been up in the night with her which I hadn't been since she was a baby so I was really tired, and they asked me if I had let her come in to my bed
the answer was no
and they looked at me like I was scum!
my DCs have never been in my bed
I've got into their's before now but they generally have a cuddle, tell me they are ok and that they will just go to sleep, so I tuck them in and leave them to it
they've never expressed an interest in coming into my bed and I've never suggested it
am I a terrible, unfeeling, freak of a parent or are there others out there like me?
I'm like you - my bed is MY bed! DD used to come in during the night but she would in until she was back to sleep then moved back into hers. If she's not well I go in with her
We don't either. Most other people seem to. I don't think I'm unfeeling or a terrible but I'll wait for the others to tell us! Hope DD2 is better soon.
I think it you have a child who wants to, they suggest it. My oldest is 3 and doesn't want to these days, but I'd let her if we didn't have DD2 in it most of the time (or had a bigger bed).
yanbu, it's entirely up to you.
I used to be very strict about it. Now, though, I always let the dc's in my bed, esp if they're ill or have had a bad dream. IMO life's too short too worry about it being my bed, and I remember how comforting it was to me when I was a child.
Mine have never liked it if I'm in their bed even when they were little, so YANBU. I used to sleep in their room though - mattress or camp cot on the floor. It was a compromise that worked.
They're 11 and 9 now so it isn't really relevant now. They know they're allowed to come into our room and wake us if they're feeling really ill.
Depends on the situation for us.
Mostly I go into her (on an airbed on the floor!).
I have though, on occasion, brought her into our bed.
Mainly when she's had majorly bad colds or coughs and sleeping as upright as possible helps. Then, I get a better night's sleep if I'm semi-upright in my own bed with her leaning against me and lots of pillows supporting the two of us (rather than her in her own bed and me in the room, when she tends to slide down flat).
Vomiting - her room, always (easier to change her bedding than ours!)
If she's waking a lot and needing the comfort of touch, then into my bed - I sleep better than if I'm there but on the floor and having to wake up more myself each time to reassure her I'm there.
It hasn't set any kind of trend when she has come in with me.
We fell for this once. DS1 then threw up violently all over our bed and then none of us had anywhere to sleep.... twas a long and miserable night.
The next 2 DC have no idea it would ever be an option
Also, if nec essary we can take it in turns with whichever is poorly while the other gets some rest.
I like DDs in my bed, but they like being there. But yanbu your bed your choice especially if they aren't bothered by it.
DS1 was hardly ever out of my bed
DS2 was in it up til about 2yrs old
DS3 is nearly 10yrs and has never wanted to come into my bed.
I do but I think it's mainly for my peace of mind than for the comfort of my DS (plus with sickness I like to be nearby with the bucket!) but I don't think you're being unreasonable not to - it's a personal choice and you shouldn't be made to feel like a bad parent for not wanting to share your bed. It really depends on the severity if the illness too as I wouldn't bring my son into bed with me for anything other than breathing problems (croup) or vomit!
I really like my kids with me when they are ill. I am generally happy for them to come in for a cuddle if they need too as well.
My dd is currently in my bed, had to send dh to spare room. She has chesty cough and sore throat and snotty and gets upset about it in the night. She is 4. I have water meds tissues etc beside me to sort her out in the night Ds has been counting the nights dd has been allowed into my bed and he thinks that when she is better, it will be his turn to have an equal number of nights in my bed. He is 6. Both adore sleeping in our bed but these days we only let them if they are ill.
You would only be unreasonable if your ill child was begging you to scoop them up into your bed. If they are not bothered then it's fine. Ime most children do want to get in particularly when ill, that probably why most parents do it.
" They know they're allowed to come into our room and wake us if they're feeling really ill."
Do they have to be feeling really ill? Not a bit ill, or having a bad dream or not able to sleep......?
My DS always manages to find a way into our bloody bed!! Believe me it is not by my choice. I'd be very happy in your position OP
I'd happily have my DSs in our bed (whether ill or not) if it meant I'd get more sleep, but it doesn't work out like that! Some children are more comfortable in their own beds (where they can kick to their hearts content without complaint) and your colleagues are ridiculous to assume that what suits them best will be right for everyone.
DP told me before I moved in that from time to time, both of his DSs would come up and sleep in bed with him (his ExW had walked out on them all 3 years before we got together). When I moved in, the boys were 4 & 11. I think the 11y/o was too embarrassed about the idea of coming into the room I share with his dad, so when he's come up in the night because of feeling ill, he's always knocked on the door and waited for a reply. The youngest scared the crap out of me a few times by creeping into the bedroom for a cuddle at the crack of dawn (he's notorious for being as quiet as a herd of stampeding elephants), but the installation of a lock on the door a few months later (so we could have some privacy for our -ahem- nighttime activities) trained him out of that.
Before I get a reputation for being the evil SM locking out little DSS2, the lock was only put on after someone had nipped off to the loo on a weekend morning.
DD is only 4 months old and is co-sleeping - I know I'm being PFB after her birth (week in SCBU), but it makes me happy and makes for a decent night's sleep all round the house.
DC not allowed in our bed, either. We learnt our lesson when DD came in with us once and kept us up all night as she's a very fidgety sleeper, plus as she'd done it once she wanted to do it again. Luckily, DH was very tough in this instance and would not allow DC in again. It was all right on the odd occasion on a Saturday morning, but not to sleep.
I used to co-sleep with both my chilren (not at the same time lol. With DD till she was 2 and a half, then DS till he was 2) but neither comes in to mummys bed when ill if I can help it.
DD is 6 and was ill a few weeks back. She didn't want to come in anyway. She loves hugs in her bed, but when she is ill she likes her bed to herself (just like her mum!).
DS 2.9years, got the bug after DD. He did come in to the bed, but only twice in the week he was sick. Why? Because he had gone through 3 sets of sheets on his bed and managed to get sick on his matress which we had to strip (toddler bed with special removable matress cover) so their was only a foam block on his bed. Not suitable to sleep in, so no choice but to come in my bed.
I think it is best that they get all the sleep they need to get better, and if that is by sleeping in their own beds then that is fine. As long as you check on them and go in when they need you, I don't see the issue.
We always co-slept with our 3 dds and when they grew out of it they always came in after a bad dream or if they couldn't sleep. They still do it (late teens now!) if they aren't feeling well. It's like a place where they feel safe and comfortable. Dp usually goes and sleeps in another bed now though. But you do what suits your family so yanbu.
My children have rarely slept in my bed. Only when they are sick.
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