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to think that a 3 year old girl shouldn't be in nappies

(600 Posts)
missymarmite Sat 29-Sep-12 21:39:23

Quick background. I have 1 DS 9, we live with DP and his eldest DD 10, and we have his other two DD, 7 and 3, every weekend from thursday/friday to sunday.

The 3 year old had her birthday last month. I put my foot down and took the executive decision to try toilet training her. Every time before that, I mentioned it to DP he said it was up to his XW to sort it as the resident parent. So one day I just put her in some old knickers and let her run round outside in a dress. She got a bit upset when she wet herself, but over the next couple of weekends she began to get the hang of it. You can tell when she needs to go, because she kind of holds herself down there. At night and when we go out we put nappy pants on her and then she doesn't ask for the toilet, but in knickers she does.

DP told XW that she won't ask for the toilet when in nappy pants, but she has made no effort whatsoever to toilet train her, despite the fact that she only works part time and has every weekend child free, while both DP and I work full time and are exhausted most of the time, we still make the effort.

Am I BU to be frustrated and annoyed at this woman?

squeakytoy Sat 29-Sep-12 21:40:39

good luck with this one grin

Tee2072 Sat 29-Sep-12 21:41:00

Yes, YABU. Not your responsibility and if I was her mother I'd be furious with you.

My 3.3 year old son is just out of nappies. Which was my decision.


LFCisTarkaDahl Sat 29-Sep-12 21:41:02

I think you are, up to her when she trains her kid really - you're interfering a bit - is she pissed off?

WelshMaenad Sat 29-Sep-12 21:42:04

May I ask if her elder two DD's are in nappies at 10 and 7 yo?

MrsWolowitz Sat 29-Sep-12 21:42:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson Sat 29-Sep-12 21:42:13

I don't think it's the end of the world if a just turned 3 year old is still in nappies tbh.

I really think you should leave it up to her mum; it won't do your relationship with her any favours in the long term if you keep judging her.

BrittaPerry Sat 29-Sep-12 21:42:39

Er...yes you are BU.

3yo still very much within 'normal' range imo.

Runningblue Sat 29-Sep-12 21:42:40

I don't think you're BU as a observer, but you're in a tricky position as new wife I think. Hence your DH should be more assertive and joint parent his child. I think it's a real shame not to try ESP when she's showing signs. Maybe ex W is being dim...

honeytea Sat 29-Sep-12 21:43:13

I think it needs to be a discusion between your DP and his ex, it could be really confusing for the little girl to have 2 sets of rules about such an important issue.

I think yabu to step in here when it'snot really your place to decide when is the right time to potty train her.

cece Sat 29-Sep-12 21:43:36

My 3.4 year old is only just out of nappies so no 3 is not too old to be in nappies still.

Secondly if I were the XW and mother of the girl then I would be furious with you.

Leave well alone imo.

Sirzy Sat 29-Sep-12 21:43:45

if she was 6 I could see your point but she is only 3. I think as STEP parent you have pushed the boundaries a bit and its not your place to make such decisions.

CookingFunt Sat 29-Sep-12 21:44:04

Marks spot with duvet and cuppa

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson Sat 29-Sep-12 21:44:26

LOL @ CookingFunt

Rubirosa Sat 29-Sep-12 21:44:40

I kind of agree with you that really children (barring special needs) could be out of nappies by three.

But YABU to go against her parent's wishes. Not your place to potty train her when her mum doesn't want to and her dad is happy to go with her mum's preference.

WorraLiberty Sat 29-Sep-12 21:45:39

If neither of the girl's parents are bothered, why are you? confused

AGoldenOrange Sat 29-Sep-12 21:45:40

If I was the mother, I'd be fuming with both of you!

She has just turned 3, she is well within normal range

LFCisTarkaDahl Sat 29-Sep-12 21:45:59

Is this a reverse one? hmm

DorsetKnob Sat 29-Sep-12 21:46:04

I am guessing that she has managed to train the other two?


storminabuttercup Sat 29-Sep-12 21:46:26

I do agree that she seems ready but it's not your decision to make. It's down to her parents. YABU, think you need to butt out!

ReindeersGoldenBollocks Sat 29-Sep-12 21:46:33

YABU, she is 3, not 13.

elfycat Sat 29-Sep-12 21:46:59

My DD1 only just trained at 3.5yo. I tried, properly tried, 3 times from the age of 2.5 but she was resistant to it. I finally sorted it by leaving it up to her.

DD1 was prem, slight delays in most things. She also gets distracted by everything and I think she forgot to listen to the bladder signals. There can be many reasons why a child can be delayed in toilet training. It also turns out that my nieces and nephews were later, as were I and my sisters so it might be a familial thing too.

And the relationship breakdown between DP and ex might also cause an emotional delay in these things.

YANBU to want to do your part in helping.

YABU if you want this child to toilet train your way and because of your own attitude to a later developer.

NatashaBee Sat 29-Sep-12 21:47:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NeDeLaMer Sat 29-Sep-12 21:47:47

pops the popcorn

Frankly, I agree with you that an NT child should be out of nappies by 3 unless there's a medical reason not to be. Being out of them at your house isn't a big deal. Kids deal with all kinds of differences between homes.

<Hands over the hard hat>

LoonyRationalist Sat 29-Sep-12 21:48:33

YABVVU. This is a parenting decision for her parents to make. Not you. Having different rules in different places is only going to confuse here.

You need to support the decisions made for her by her parents, not force your own changes on her. If I were your DP's Ex I would be furious with you.

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