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Should I let this go?

(15 Posts)
oxford1972 Sat 29-Sep-12 15:25:13

My dd was readmitted to hospital at 5 days old as had lost high % of birth weight. DH had to go home with our 3 other dc so I was facing it on my own. Obviously feeling guilty that I had not provided her with sufficient nourishment (milk clearly not come in properly). Plus not nice watching doctors put feeding tubes and cannulas in etc but I was pretty much holding it together. This was until I met a rather brusque nurse on neotates who kept making comments like.
"breastfeeding is supposed to be the best but"
"All these tiny babies who are ill. They didn't ask to be born early and than you have big etc etc."(clearly referring to my full term baby)
I also asked for breast pump and she kept putting me off. Didn't get access to one until shift change.
All the other staff were great and dd now home and gradually gaining weight.
Should I just put this down to experience and let it go.

slovenlydotcom Sat 29-Sep-12 15:27:47

Yes and no. Don't let it eat you up and distress you so that you struggle even more * speaking from experience*.

When you feel better then a firmly worded e-mail.

In my view

Flisspaps Sat 29-Sep-12 15:29:19

I would complain. She shouldn't be making comments like those, and she certainly shouldn't have restricted access to a pump.

tartyflette Sat 29-Sep-12 15:38:08

I think you have grounds for complaint about this nurse. Her comments were inappropriate and insensitive, and her perceived refusal to give you the breast pump were clearly very unhelpful. She may respond by saying this was a low priority a very busy time, but from your perspective, with your baby so ill, it was important and had a negative impact on you. In addition, if you don't complain then nothing will be done, her attitude will go unchecked and may affect other patients in future.

nickeldaisical Sat 29-Sep-12 15:44:05

you really do need to complain about that nurse.
she is clearly lacking in the compassion that a nurse must have - basically bollocking you for your baby's weight loss and then withholding important equipment?

GuybrushThreepwodWasHere Sat 29-Sep-12 16:00:11

You should definitely complain to the PALS service. The nursing staff depend upon feedback to improve their performance and to prevent things like this from happening.

lovethesun1 Sat 29-Sep-12 18:41:17

Speaking from similar experience, I would speak to/email PALS & then try and let it go. I think it's important to raise it though-she needs retraining. I can bet you are not the first mum to have received this treatment from her. So basically try not to bury it or let it fester. & congratulations r.e your new baby!

Joiningthegang Sat 29-Sep-12 19:19:18

Complain - you won't be the first person she has been like this with - and I bet her colleagues know she is rude and are hoping people will complain

MyLastDuchess Sat 29-Sep-12 19:28:41

She sounds horrible, and I'm sorry you've had to go through this. My milk didn't come in until about 5 days or so (was still in hospital due to complications) and I got nothing but support and encouragement from the nursing staff. It's not your fault, and it's ridiculous of her to suggest that it somehow is or to in some way suggest that you have done something wrong. Breastfeeding does not always go smoothly (and my DS never put on a lot of weight even after my milk supply was up - we knew there were no supply issues due to him being weighed before and after feeds) and that's when you need extra support and reassurance from medical staff, not some kind of guilt trip.

Definitely complain.

gothicangel Sat 29-Sep-12 19:32:07

Definitely complain,

i hope your DD gets better soon, x

elfycat Sat 29-Sep-12 19:43:45

Are you in West Sussex BTW?

Had the same thing from a SCBU nurse there. DD1, prem by a few days and we were discharged at day 3 after the feeding was established. Readmitted at day 10 with severe jaundice, her temperature was dropping and she was going floppy. First thing she did was have a massive wee, so they were happy she was fed/hydrated.

2 days of lovely and supportive nurses (while testing for meningitis/chromosomal defects etc) who were insistent that it was just one of those things with a prem baby. Last morning the nurse who come in said 'Oh what did you do to her? She's luck to have survived you'.

Now I'm a nurse (not neonatal but have done kids) and I was a bit angry at her but let it go because I was due to go home. Then the doctor came in to discharge us and bitch nurse said 'Oh don;t you think we should keep them in until we know the mother can cope'. The look the doctor gave me made me feel much better, he rolled his eyes and assured the bitch nurse that I had not been at fault, and in any case I was a nurse of many years experience and he was sure would cope. grin

Complain. I did. The bitches nurses like this need retraining.

diddl Sat 29-Sep-12 19:52:40

I´d complain about that.

What the fucketty fuck does size have to do with anything??!!

And not letting you have a breast pump?-deplorable.

MaggotMummy Sat 29-Sep-12 19:55:17

Complain, she was out of order, this was not good patient care, she didn't recognise your needs or respond to you
Write, formally, getting someone else to double check it before you send (I have a fabulous line of ranty prose that always needs 'refining' ahem!)

oxford1972 Sat 29-Sep-12 20:05:08

Thanks for replies. Dd doing well now although still a way to go to regain birth weight.
I suspect staff know what she is like. Another lovely nurse saw how upset I was and took me away and made me tea etc in parent's room.
Not in west Sussex so there must be more than one!

YouMayLogOut Sat 29-Sep-12 21:22:52

YANBU

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