AIBU to think that going on holiday with another family does have its benefits?(19 Posts)
We are thinking of having a break over Christmas (Sat - Sat), somewhere relatively remote in Scotland. We are a family with 5 kids between 14 and 5 years and I am very keen for our close family friends to join us - they have a 5 year old and a 11 month old. My DH can't see any benefit in this AT ALL!
They are very close friends, we spend have spent nearly every Christmas day together for about 7 years and we are completely in sync with regard to parenting / activities / interests / food & drink etc etc In reality they are closer to us than any of our family.
My friend and I would love to holiday together over this period as we appreciate the benefits of two women in the house to share 'domestic' responsibilities and childcare because as good intending the men are, the bulk always falls on the mother. It means I might actually have a break too rather than spending a huge proportion of my time cooking and planning what to cook for our endlessly staving children. I also enjoy my friend's company - as lovely as my DH is and we have already had a great 2 week holiday this year with just us and the kids - I do appreciate other adults around.
My DH just sees it as complicating things, other people to consider, that it won't be relaxing, surely him and the kids are enough company for me and if I am worried about cooking - he will help (which he never does!) You can argue those points but I just see them as that's how he wants to perceive it rather than what it can be.
Unlike my DH I have holidayed very successfully with other families before and as a child we often holiday together with family and friends so I have a good association with the experience.
So AIBU to expect him to at least consider the idea???
No, YANBU. You have done his preferred way of holidaying, I think he should at the very least try it. If he doesn't enjoy it he's under no obligation to do it again.
In all honesty I wouldn't want to go on holiday with any other adult who's unwilling to pull their weight.
What is it about your DH that makes him think he's somehow more important than you?
We went away for Easter with my family. Never again!!
We do this- go away with 2 other couples with kids the same age. I love it. Kids have friends to play with and the evenings are more fun with more of us to play cards, chat, drink etc. however, it's important to pick people who have similar parenting styles and similar approaches to holidays. Otherwise it's a recipe for disaster.
Slightly concerned re your rationale though. Your dh needs to pull his finger out. Doesn't sound like you get much of a holiday
<sits on fence>
YANBU for wanting to holiday with your friends but YABU for trying for the first time over Xmas. A week away is very different from a spending a day together.
Compromise and take a short break over New Year when there's less pressure to have a perfect time?
its more company and distraction for the kids and adult company for yourselves. I think its a good idea and we enjoy it when others holiday with us.
So 4 adults, 5 kids 5-14 years and an 11 months old baby, together for a week, in remote Scotland, in December?
It does sound like it could be a recipe for disaster, unless everyone is very very tolerant.
In a hotel , maybe. In a cottage with plenty to do and good weather, maybe. But at Christmas, with all the expectations that comes with it, to be possibly stuck inside with bad weather and short daylight hours and children of such vastly varying ages just sounds like hard work to me.
Now I say this as someone who has holidayed with other family/couples/ friends for years. Sometimes more successfully than others. What would otherwise be a slight niggle can become a huge problem under close confines over a period of time, no matter how well you may know them. My friend, who we have holidayed with before as families is no longer speaking to me after this disastrous summers holiday so maybe I am biased!
My DH in fairness does help especially with washing up etc but cooking is 'not his thing' and now the kids are getting so much bigger cooking for 7 is not a small undertaking which is probably why I find it hard work. He will help of course prepare food when I ask him to it's just the constant thinking about what to eat and planning and then delegating that I find tiring!
I like the idea of try it this way at least once and if it doesn't work out them we won't again...
Can't do New Year for various reasons and would consider a shorter break except they all seem to be a week long rental thing...
Well perhaps you should tell him that washing, ironing, packing, meal planning and cooking isn't your 'thing' either....then ask him where you're supposed to go from there?
Seriously, as much as I wouldn't want to spend Christmas in the way you're planning, I think your DH has got a cheek to think that him and the kids should be enough for you when he can't be bothered to share the work equally.
Downton Trout - yes it will have to be the right place, with space. The kids all get on great as two are stepchildren and the dynamics work brilliantly between them all, we are lucky. The two 5 year olds are also great together and as the next eldest is 11 means my DD has someone to play with rather than try and follow her older siblings. No expectations re Christmas - that is sort of the plan to get away from it all and strip it back down to the simple things. The kids have even asked for a no fuss Christmas day meal so that they can spend time with me rather than I 'stuck' in the kitchen. We are all really active so lots of hiking and mountain biking so plenty of outdoor time to burn off energy would be the way.
I always found it very easy because the DCs just amused themselves - you do however have to pick your friends- I have some that I love, but not for going on holiday with.
Christmas seems more difficult because we have Christmas customs and rituals and they could clash. It could also be difficult if presents are very uneven.
Although you have spent it together it would be different in a remote cottage.
I would compromise at go at a different time.
Worraliberty - agree completely! I know having Christmas like this is to everyone's liking but I don't come from this country and so I struggle with the Christmas period for various reasons and we have no family around us to celebrate it with so it's always been a tricky time.
Chippyminton - my friend thinks it's a fantastic idea - all same reasons as me!
I wouldn't. We did take DS's friend on holiday with us and that worked very well. Also DS went on holiday with friend. But I wouldn't like going on holiday with another family.
Exoctic fruits - no we do Christmas presents the same way - stockings and a few special gifts. We are very, very similar... You are right though to be wary have experienced Christmas with other families where the differences were too stark for comfort!
It would seem that you would match well - with the advantage of doing it before. I can't really see the difference between doing it at home or in a holiday home.
You've thought it through, so go for it!
We have a family that we go away with and it does work well - but the husbands pull their weight too. We have a loose rota which works well:
Breakfast is DIY.
Lunch is either a simple picnic or stuff out of the fridge.
Dinner - one of the adults or older DC plan, shop (or make sure ingredients are on the tesco delivery) and cook a meal, everyone else pitches in to set table or clear up.
Essentials in choosing a cottage would be dishwasher,enough bedrooms to suit the party, and enough sofas to enable everyone to gather around the fire, and a big dining table.
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