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WIBU to leave when I did?

(16 Posts)
Flossyfloof Sat 29-Sep-12 13:02:18

I go to a very small beauticians to get my nails done. The girl who owns it is quite sweet, does a reasonable job and I like going there.A few weeks ago, she invited me to a make-up party. (She sells a few bits of expensive make-up and skin care). I promised that I would go. Had no intention of buying anything I was just going to make up the numbers really. LAter found out that she was goign to charge a fiver for coming. As I had promised to go I went. Started at 7, unfortunately I was a few minutes late - probably about 10-15. I was delayed as OH had come home unexpectedly and then when I got there I couldn't find a parking space. It had started, make-up lady was doing her spiel. I sat in my coat for a while, everyone had a drink, the girl who owns the place eventually offered to take my coat and got me a cup of tea. Felt quite uncomfortable. There was a big bowl of crisps and a couple of cupcake displays which looked beautiful, and a plate of biscuits. £5 had included the refreshments and was redeemable against a purchase. Anyway, there was a little break in which the cupcakes were brought out and taken away before they got to me. Then a plate of biccies came out and passed me by. The crisps didn't even get as far as me. Everyone else seemed to know each other and I sat there for a bit and in the end just though "Why and I here? Obviously not welcome", so I said I had to go, asked for my coat and left. I haven't paid, maybe people paid in advance or she took the money when people arrived. WIBU in leaving and AIBU not to pay?

Trills Sat 29-Sep-12 13:06:59

You sat in your coat?

Nahla321 Sat 29-Sep-12 13:07:39

No yanbu for not paying because what are you actually paying for? If you would of eaten/drank then it would of been different. I think it was rude of them not to even pass the food down to you and I wouldn't stay somewhere were I felt uncomfortable so i understand were you are coming from. Did she notice that you left early? x

Trills Sat 29-Sep-12 13:09:03

It doesn't sound as if you tried very hard to join in.

Why did you feel uncomfortable? Did you expect the host to go and make you a drink while the lady was doing her spiel, or for the spiel to stop so you could be properly greeted? Or should they have waited for you when you were 15 minutes late?

FrickinAnnoyed Sat 29-Sep-12 13:09:46

I don't think YABU to have left when you did. But at that kind of thing you need to mingle. The host can't give special attention to everyone. Also, if you wanted crisps you should have taken some!

If she doesn't ask about the fiver I wouldn't worry.

It's good of you to have gone, not knowing anyone.

Goldenjubilee10 Sat 29-Sep-12 13:10:40

Just say sorry, you hadn't been feeling great and had to go. That's true!

Flossyfloof Sat 29-Sep-12 13:15:19

I hadn't realised the format of the evening and that it would start with a talk dead on time (presume it did). I felt that everyone else knew each other, no one greeted me when I walked in but the talk had started. No I didn't try very hard to join in and I would not, in company I didn't know, ask for the crisps or cakes to be passed to me. If I was passing something around I would make sure everyone was included. Yes actually I think I should have got a cup of tea. She was texting (as were others - what the hell is that kind of behaviour??) - so why not make me a cuppa? Sorry if that is dripfeeding, I have only just thought of it.

Flossyfloof Sat 29-Sep-12 13:16:53

She did notice I left early as I had to ask her assistant (the one who brought the cakes to everyone except me) to get my coat. I then went to see her and just said sorry, I need to go. I don't expect anyone thought anything of it, just thought oh that miserable one who was late has gone.

Tee2072 Sat 29-Sep-12 13:19:04

shudder I hate those things.

I just wouldn't have gone at all when I saw how late I was going to be.

Next time just decline politely.

OrangeImperialGoldBlether Sat 29-Sep-12 13:28:18

It sounds awful and I don't blame you for leaving.

Do you intend to go back to that salon or is there somewhere else you can go to?

Icelollycraving Sat 29-Sep-12 14:11:42

I think if she asks for the money,pay it but don't offer it up. I don't really know why you went or what you were expecting but the service clearly didn't meet your expectations.
Could you not have taken your coat off?hmm

OrangeImperialGoldBlether Sat 29-Sep-12 15:06:59

Why should she pay? She got nothing in return, did she? She didn't even get a polite greeting.

The contract, such as it was, was that she would pay in order to have a nice evening. She was made to feel very unwelcome. I wouldn't pay and tbh I wouldn't go to her salon again.

ParsleyTheLioness Sat 29-Sep-12 15:08:52

Hmmn.... I have never been to one of these parties where you were expected to pay for attending, unless it was for charity, so would not have been too impressed, particularly as this seems to have been mentioned late in the day. Presumably, this was meant to cover refreshments, and as you did not partake, I would not be paying. I would be inclined to cough up if it was for charity, not if it wasn't.

diddl Sat 29-Sep-12 15:10:43

Maybe you weren´t offered anything because you hadn´t paid?

I think though as the "spiel" had started, you couldn´t expect that to stop for you.

Sassybeast Sat 29-Sep-12 15:18:24

YANBU. Payment aside, the fact that you weren't made to feel welcome when you arrived would be enough. Clumsy hosting makes an event uncomfortable for everyone.

Flossyfloof Sat 29-Sep-12 17:39:50

I sat with my coat on for a bit as I already felt rude turning up when she had already started. I don't know that I was 15 mins late, I do know that I was a few mins late though! Had I realised that there was a talk I would have made more of an effort to be on time, all I knew was that it was a make-up party. I suppose I imagined all of us walking around trying the make-up, I didn't know that there was a woman coming to talk about it - I didn't think about it that deeply to be honest. SHe knew I was coming as she texted me that evening and I confirmed that I was. I would have felt rude making a faff of taking my coat off when everyone was listening to the visiting woman. There was not really an opp for me to pay - I could not really have walked across the room in front of the woman to offer a fiver. I don't know why I was so bothered about being late anyway - several people sat texting including the owner - she did it a lot, I also saw the assistant and one of the guests doing it while the woman was talking.
I went because when I said yes I didn't realise I was going to have to pay! When I did realise I didn't like to take back my acceptance. Should have done, better to have invented a bad headache or something.
I would quite like to go back to that salon but I don't have to. I haven't got an appt booked butI have said I would do her a favour for a baby shower she is throwing for a friend next Fri so I either do that or I don't.

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