.... To think DH is being a selfish arse?!

[MustBeInsane]

1st time poster, slightly nervous but I need telling either way!
We got up late today and are meant to be meeting inlaws here and going out for a couple of hours with them. Ds1 and dd took them selves downstairs followed by myself and ds2 (baby).
We had like an hour to get ready so I was wizzing round like a blue arsed fly trying to tidy up as its a bloody tip, sorting put clothes ect.
DH comes down and irons his stuff so I ask him to iron kids clothes too but he can't as he decides he has to go get his hair cut right fucking now (we had an argument a few mins previous because he was a complete non last night, shouting at ds1 when I got him in bed with us as he was crying a lot and threatening to break my hand... As usual he 'cant remember' any of this as he was asleep.... I've told him before to go to the docs but he don't have time as he does work long hours and has no holiday left, I told him now it's docs this week or sofa forever)
So here I am I had 20 mins to finish getting myself and the kids ready also have to feed the baby and he is at the barbers and can't hold off not even 2 bloody hours. In the end I called him to come back as I can't do it and dd and ds1 keep arguing and he won't so I've said just to tell inlaws meet us later.... Is it unreasonable of me to be rather pissed off and upset..?

[Gumby]

He threatened to break your hand?!

[Gumby]

Let the inlaws come - they can help entertain oldest children while you look after the baby

[MustBeInsane]

Yeah it sounds worse than it is he wouldn't actually do it... I really don't want the inlaws in here it's a complete mess I'd be very embarrassed if they turned up at the door!

[jkklpu]

Sounds as though everyone is suffering from tiredness for starters. How old are your kids? It certainly sounds pretty self-centred of him to have sloped off; at the very least, he could have taken one of your older dcs with him. Not sure why kids' clothes need ironing, though - perhaps not the best task to have suggested for him. Better to say something really fundamental, such as feeding the baby (unless ebf - not clear).

How standard is this behaviour? It's not clear whether this is a one-off result of snapping from exhaustion or whether it's commonplace. And your ds was threatening to break your hand? What's that all about? Does he hear threats from adults?

And, sorry for this, but posting on MN if things are so pressured is not necessarily the best use of your time.

[ChaoticismyLife]

I'm more concerned with the fact he threatened violence than the in-laws. It's not the first time is it? Call me cynical but I find it hard to believe that he never remembers anything and even if he doesn't he should be getting himself down to the doctors straight away long hours or not.

[rainbowinthesky]

Threatening violence is not normal or ok regardless whether you think he would do it or not.

[RobynRidingHood]

he was crying a lot and threatening to break my hand... As usual he 'cant remember' any of this as he was asleep

Quite an aggressive dream

[littlepiggie]

Sofa till he gets help, let them come, say sorry for the mess to mil, but he went out and left you with 3 kids and mess, if she's anything like my mil she will kick his ass for you.

[PurplePidjin]

In laws = his parents, i guess. If dp's family found out he'd dumped me with all that to do he'd be sharply told he wasn't too old to be put over MIL's knee.

I'd let them come, and make sure they know exactly why the kids are crying and the house in a state!

[MustBeInsane]

Sorry I was unclear, DH threatened it, it looks like he is awake when he's asleep... Apparently. The other children are 5 and 2.
It probably wasn't the best thing to ask him to do but as he was ironing his clothes I thought he could of done theirs too so I could of done something else that needed doing.
Oh also, I posted this after telling him on the phone to tell his family they will have I meet later.

[Shellywelly1973]

YANBU...

Read your post again...he's seriously taking the piss!

[WhereYouLeftIt]

Yes, he is a selfish arse.

In your place, I would insist on him going to his GP regarding the sleep issue. Working long hours is no excuse. Many GPs run one late clinic per week, and all my past employers have permitted time off for doctor appointments. I would try to get an appointment for first thing in the morning to minimise the time I was not at work, my employers were all OK with that.

Also, are we to take it that his long hours at work means he leaves all domestic work to you?

[attheendoftheday]

Threats of violence are not OK. If he was really asleep I would expect him to be mortified and apologetic when informed of what he's said, and take steps (visit the gp, sleep elsewhere) to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Not pulling his weight with the kids is also shitty behaviour.