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To not want to celebrate other people's anniversaries?

(20 Posts)
TheTermagantToaster Sat 29-Sep-12 08:14:48

AIBU? I feel like anniversaries are only really of interest and significance to those involved. Certainly I prefer not to receive cards etc from anyone other than my DH on our anniversary and have said as much to my family. Is it mean not to want to celebrate theirs either and to view it as a private celebration? My parents don't care. I think my Dsis does a bit.

In the interests of full disclosure I take birthdays and Christmas very seriously for my immediate family and friends, although I still don't do the sending-Xmas-cards-to-everyone-I've-ever-met stuff.

CarpeJugulum Sat 29-Sep-12 08:17:50


I think major anniversaries can be marked by others so 1, 10, 25, 40 etc

Certainly not the in between variety, unless for a specific family reason.

Proudnscary Sat 29-Sep-12 08:18:04

I totally agree! I think its OTT and entitled to expect cards from others on your anniversary. Saying that, to actively ask not to receive cards seems churlish.
And obviously big anniversaries eg Silver or Gold for close family members is an exception.

Longtalljosie Sat 29-Sep-12 08:18:18

Well, if your sister would like it if you sent her a card, why don't you send her one to make her happy?

Gumby Sat 29-Sep-12 08:18:36

Do you mean by sending a card? Or by having a party?

MrsFooty Sat 29-Sep-12 08:18:55

I feel the same although MIL still sends us a card (around the right date as she insists on 2nd class). It's odd as she never bothers to see us but insists on sending these cards. However she has been married a few times so maybe weddings mean more to her then most!

pjmama Sat 29-Sep-12 08:19:39

Depends what you mean by celebrate. I'm inclined to agree with you that anniversaries are between the two of you. However if it was a big dealto someone close that I sent a card, I'd probably make the effort. I wouldnt be buying gifts unless it was a big one and there was a party involved!

PeggyCarter Sat 29-Sep-12 08:21:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SometimesLonely Sat 29-Sep-12 08:22:07

It might mean nothing to the OP to receive an anniversary card from someone other than her DH but some people like to receive them and it helps them to feel a bit more celebratory.

furrygoldone Sat 29-Sep-12 08:22:41

Maybe not unreasonable but definitely a bit grumpy. If someone invites me to a party I just think great a party and don't check my list of acceptable reasons to have a party before I attend.

missvague Sat 29-Sep-12 08:26:37

Totally agree, unless it's a milestone anniversary (eg Silver) then it's only pertinent to the couple themselves.

My sister was a bit mardy we didn't make a fuss about her 1st, but I honestly didn't realise that I should have done. Our parents never celebrated theirs with us until their 25th.

I know what you mean a bit, my parents and ILs send us cards every year which is nice but totally unnecessary, not a problem, however DMdoes always make a point of mentioning when DB's anniversary is coming up which feels like a bit of a dig at me for not sending them a card. I have sometimes wondered whether it is me or DM which is being unreasonable. DB and DSIL don't send us a card either so I figure they don't mind.

TheTermagantToaster Sat 29-Sep-12 09:31:37

I am a bit of a grump grin.

The fact that neither DH nor I wanted a big wedding in the first place probably has something to do with it (we just went for registry office with v small party for friends a few weeks later), and to be fair our own celebration involves being blooming grateful to have breakfast or lunch out together while DM minds DS. So I think my attitude to others' anniversaries definitely stems from my attitude to my own.

I have marked my parent's milestone anniversaries and do -sigh- offer my services to my DF every year to help him think of and purchase DM's gift because I want her to have something nice from him and he's bloody useless but no, I don't send a card myself.

And is 1 really a milestone anniversary?! confused. Surely that's the one that can be most rightly labelled as of great interest to the happy couple themselves but not the wider world? By milestones I was thinking more along the lines of 25 or 50. Now that's an achievement!

<renames section to AIBC(hurlish)>

OrangeImperialGoldBlether Sat 29-Sep-12 09:33:40

OP, you do sound a misery! You seem to resent thinking of a present for your mum once a year! She's your mum, ffs!

cybbo Sat 29-Sep-12 09:37:29

Me and my H don't give cards to each other on our anniversary.

Why bother?" Here's your card...". "cheers, here's your card..."<goes back to emptying dish washer>

everybodywalkthedinosaur Sat 29-Sep-12 09:38:49

It makes me feel queasy. For me it's just for DH and I to remember. Even then I don't want a card from him. His parents insist on sending us cards which we both hate.

Ecgwynn Sat 29-Sep-12 09:40:55

YANBU, it's weird.

StrangerintheNight Sat 29-Sep-12 09:41:21

YANBU but a little C, which is hardly a crime. My DH's family sends us cards for our wedding anniversary, which I think is weird and unnecessary, whereas he pities me because my family don't.

TheTermagantToaster Sat 29-Sep-12 09:45:10

No no, Imperial, I absolutely do not resent thinking of a present for my lovely mum. That was a dig at my DF not thinking of his own!

AlwaysHoldingOnToStarbug Sat 29-Sep-12 09:46:02

We don't celebrate our anniversary, in fact we usually forget till the cards arrive from PIL!

We do send the IL's a card every year as MIL Is very fussy about getting cards. (She has to have Christmas/birthday cards that say mum and dad on the front otherwise she gets offended!)

We did go out to celebrate their anniversary last year, but it was their golden one so a big achievement!

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