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To lie about planning to try for another baby?

(27 Posts)
LonelyCloud Fri 28-Sep-12 23:21:01

I've recently started back at work after having my first baby.

A couple of colleagues have asked me if I want to have another one.

I told them that DH & I had no plans for another baby and that we're happy with DS.

This is a big lie (apart from the bit about being happy with DS, we're very happy to have him). DH & I both want another baby. We've stopped using contraception, although at the minute we're being fairly relaxed about it and not making a special effort to have sex on fertile days, as DS is still only just over a year old.

I don't want to tell my colleagues that we're TTC (however casually) in case it counts against me at work - say because my boss might put me last in the line for the good bits of work. And also because it's none of their business, and TTC doesn't guarantee that it'll actually happen.

But - I'm feeling guilty about lying to them. AIBU to lie to them about this?

I should mention here that I work for a large company, that has a fairly relaxed attitude towards hiring and firing contractors in my department, so it's not like they'd be hugely inconvenienced if I did go on maternity leave again.

mysonsasaint Fri 28-Sep-12 23:22:40

YANBU, they shouldn't really be asking anyway.

nokidshere Fri 28-Sep-12 23:23:45

First of all its none of their business.

Secondly you might not get pregnant

Thirdly why would you even discuss your sex life with your colleagues?

WorraLiberty Fri 28-Sep-12 23:23:50

YANBU

It's bugger all to do with them.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Fri 28-Sep-12 23:25:02

YANBU.

RobynRidingHood Fri 28-Sep-12 23:26:10

No body elses business is it?

Unless these people are particularly close friends that you confide in but I never understand why people have to discus their private lives, life plans etc etc with others.

NOTB - i.e.none of their business! So long as you tell your boss when you ARE expecting -in plenty of time b4 mat leave (so they can plan for maternity cover) keep any lovely news for when YOU want to tell them. Good luck!

SomersetONeil Fri 28-Sep-12 23:28:08

God, I'm really sorry - but what a bizarre thread.

Your sex life and procreation plans are no-one's business but your own. Is this not a well-known fact?

StellaNova Fri 28-Sep-12 23:28:41

YANBU. I did the same, to the extent of going "Another baby? With number one sleeping like he does? Are you mad?!" right up until I had to say "er, actually I'm pregnant. Yes it was planned. Thank you, thanks, yes, very pleased."

LonelyCloud Fri 28-Sep-12 23:31:28

There's some very nosy, and very direct, people in my office.

(And nokidshere, some of them are quite happy to loudly discuss their sex lives in the middle of our open plan office. I usually put my iPod headphones in and pretend I can't hear them)

StetsonsAreCool Fri 28-Sep-12 23:32:45

I've recently started a new job, and when my new colleagues discovered I have a 2yo, they (for a while) kept asking if I wanted to have any more.

My answer was along the lines of "It's something we've thought about for the future, but the future's quite big isn't it? DD is plenty for us for now". Or "Are you kidding me? I've got a two year old and a full time job, I've barely got time to breathe!"

While counting down the days until we start trying again (after Christmas btw, hooray!)

StetsonsAreCool Fri 28-Sep-12 23:33:51

Ha, Stella, that's exactly what I'll probably end up doing grin

JollyToddler Fri 28-Sep-12 23:37:16

About 6 people have asked me this recently. I.reply with "god No, I have a toddler to look after, do you really think I have time for sex?"

maresedotes Fri 28-Sep-12 23:39:36

Agree it's nobody's business and I think people just ask this question once you've had a baby without really expecting an answer.

StellaNova Fri 28-Sep-12 23:39:50

Of course I say the same thing now DS2 is 2 and a half, and this time it is true, but probably no-one believes me now. Like Peter and the Wolf.

MyLastDuchess Sat 29-Sep-12 01:18:02

I lied to everyone about this, including my friends. It's none of their damn business, and if trying to conceive hadn't gone well I wouldn't have wanted to deal with the constant questions and/or sympathetic looks and/or gossip.

Some of them saw fit to lecture me on why it's not fair on DS to 'make' him be an only child hmm I really wanted to say, hey, I'm 39, getting pregnant doesn't happen overnight!

It's nobody else's damn business and they shouldn't even ask.

FrickinAnnoyed Sat 29-Sep-12 01:23:54

They aren't asking about your sex life, are they. They're asking if you want to expand your family. Bit of a difference.

LeFreak Sat 29-Sep-12 01:42:01

Oh god this really annoys me.

My colleague asked me the exact question today. We have been TTC number 2 for 4 years but didn't want to tell her this. I didn't want to say we DIDN'T want another because we may still have one (having IVF treatment as we speak) but also didn't want to say we definitely ARE going to have one (because IVF may fail). And I didn't want to say NONE OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS cos she's my mate. So I said "oh I don't know maybe if I could guarentee it would be a boy" (NOT MY TRUE FEELINGS: I said this to deflect the question).

But apparently this comment made a colleague really upset (I think she lost a baby early on last year) confused

So yeah basically by trying to deflect the question I upset someone else.

You CANNAE WIN

CecilyP Sat 29-Sep-12 13:00:52

It is probably the right answer, regardless of whether you want another baby or not, because that stops any further questioning. If you give them an idea you might be thinking of having another, that opens the door for it being a continuous topic of conversation until you do, in fact, become pregnant again.

So, YANBU and you have no need to feel guilty.

NameChangeGalore Sat 29-Sep-12 13:25:25

Why is this anyone's business? You're not lying, you're keeping your private life, private. Can't believe people ask questions like this.

GoldenPeppermintCreams Sat 29-Sep-12 14:18:47

Yes, I've had this since I came back from maternity leave 3 years ago. I do work in a very baby orientated work place though, so although I do think it's rude I just bite my tongue.

I just deflect the question with things like, oooh OH likes big age gaps because there's 4 years between him and his brother, or maybe when DS starts school, or "it's under discussion".

YANBU.

TidyGOLDDancer Sat 29-Sep-12 16:32:22

Asking in general about the possibility of more children doesn't bother me at all, but YANBU to lie given the circumstances.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sat 29-Sep-12 16:36:30

YANBU. I think people should have more tact than to ask this question

LilyCocoplatt Sat 29-Sep-12 16:37:17

YANBU I would keep it quiet if I was you, when I was on maternity leave at the same time as another colleague and it was known that she had completed her family whereas I would probably go on to have more, guess which one kept their job and which was forced out the door when staffing cuts came round?

SlightlySuperiorPeasant Sat 29-Sep-12 18:02:31

YANBU. My stock answer is "Not for now. Maybe we'll think about it when DC1/2/3/4/5... starts school." Even when already pregnant!

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