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To expect a new friendship to not turn into a sales pitch?

(40 Posts)
Sprite21 Fri 28-Sep-12 23:16:14

I recently met a new friend through our local mum network who has a daughter my age. She seemed very nice and we would meet up for coffee, song sessions at the library, etc. Most of my mummy friends have gone back to work now so I was hoping to build our friendship.
After a few meet ups she invited the three of us (DP, DD and me) over to their place for what I assumed was a friendly visit. She called it 'getting to know them better.'
DP wasn't that interested but obliged for my sake. I had assumed it would just be her, her partner and their daughter there, but there were five other people I didn't know and in talking to them no one seemed to know each other very well. Suddenly my friend's husband announced that they were really excited to share something with us and they sat us down and put on a video about this travel club they belong to. It seemed really rehearsed and they kept asking us loaded questions like " you enjoy travelling and meeting people don't you? " we looked it up later and it's basically some 'multi-level marketing' scheme around holidays.
I was growing increasingly uncomfortable as I thought we were just going for a friendly visit. It also transpired that we were the only ones there not already part of this 'club'
When I interrupted the sales pitch to express my discomfort, this woman replied " well you said you wanted to get to know us better and this is what we do"
I felt bad for making DP sit through the whole spiel so I told them we wanted to leave, picked up DD and went.
The woman seemed really surprised at my reaction, like I was the one being socially inappropriate and they couldn't understand the problem. She still wants to be friends and has sinced called, messages me On fb and waved whilst out and about. But I feel betrayed and hurt about the whole thing like this was the only reason she wanted to be friends.
So, my question is, AIBU to not want to be her friend anymore and should I have just sat through the sales pitch smiling and nodding then politely declined? I can't stop thinking about it.

somedayma Fri 28-Sep-12 23:17:17

see my last thread grin. multi level marketing/ networking seems like a big scam to me

kerala Fri 28-Sep-12 23:18:05

YANBU! That is shocking. Makes for a good dinner party story though.

pigletmania Fri 28-Sep-12 23:21:24

YANBU at all. I would probably have sat through it and declined at the end. Just be polite to her, decline all requests to meet up and hopefully she will get the message

WorraLiberty Fri 28-Sep-12 23:21:25

Tell her to piss off

And while you're at it maybe stick to the old friends you know and love instead of looking for 'Mummy friends' < boak >

Sorry but people like that tend to seek out certain groups of people and see their willingness to befriend anyone as a business opportunity.

You live and learn.

SoleSource Fri 28-Sep-12 23:21:26

Yanbu she is!

Fucking liar! Better off without a person that omits the truth.

EverybodysCryEyed Fri 28-Sep-12 23:23:40

Good on you for walking out

thank goodness it was a holiday club and not a cult!

marshmallowpies Fri 28-Sep-12 23:24:17

YANBU. Someone I was friends with at uni turned out to be a person like this...he was such a relentless entrepreneur go-getting type it drove me mad.

When he said 'you'd be a great candidate for my business' I thought 'you don't really know me at all' - I'm the least business-minded person in the world.

I ended up having to stay friends with this guy as we had mutual friends, but I loathed him. Hope you can manage to tolerate this woman if you still encounter her around the place...but avoid the sales pitch!

MsVestibule Fri 28-Sep-12 23:28:41

And while you're at it maybe stick to the old friends you know and love instead of looking for 'Mummy friends' < boak >

But what happens when they've all gone back to work and you haven't, Worra? That happened to me after DC2 was born - I (mistakenly) didn't go out to make new friends and I'm convinced that my loneliness contributed to my mild PND. (Well, that and looking after a newborn and a very clingy toddler.)

And all the old friends I "knew and loved" before I had DC1 lived 30 miles away and worked full time.

BertieBotts Fri 28-Sep-12 23:29:43

Pyramid selling? grin

Back away slowly!

I hate it too. I got chatting to a lady at the gym while we were in the hot tub. We seemed to click so I gave her my number. She gave me her business card and said she would ring. I met her for a chat and hang out, but she used the whole time to try to manipulate me into agreeing to be a Mary Kay consultant. I politely told her it was impossible as I am not allowed to work with my visa. I thought that was a good way to keep the friendship without the sales bollocks. No - she rang next day and told me she had talked to her boss and thought there were ways round the no visa thing. I had to text and confess as bluntly as I could that I was absolutely not interested - you would think after an hour hanging out with me barely managing polite responses and saying things like 'I would be terrible at it.... I hate trying to make my friends buy stuff, it would make me uncomfortable' she would get the hint.

SomersetONeil Fri 28-Sep-12 23:36:45

I think you're being a bit OTT to be 'betrayed' and 'hurt'.

I would've probably sat through it trying not to meet DH's eye for fear of bursting out sniggering, left and then written the friendship, as it were, off.

Bizarre, something to dine out on and laugh off, but not awful.

PickledFanjoCat Fri 28-Sep-12 23:39:09

Total dick head op.

Probably a swinger as well.


Scheherezade Fri 28-Sep-12 23:44:32

worra I had severe PND after moving to a new area hundreds of miles from home and uni, falling pg, losing my job, having baby knowing not a soul.

The 'mummy friends' you scoff at literally saved my life- I was found hanging from a bandage from my severe self harm in the mother and baby ward I spent 6 months in.

Now I go to mother and baby/ toddler groups every day. I've built up good, genuine friendships, have built a life for myself, increased my confidence and am one of the most 'outgoing' at the groups now- if you met me you wouldn't believe what was beneath my sleeves.

And all because of the mums who I barely knew that bothered to send cards, visit and approach me once I was discharged.

Devora Fri 28-Sep-12 23:49:00

Oh yes, mummy friends may seem boaksome but saved my sanity in those early months. My childless friends don't get home from work till 8!

Scheherezade Fri 28-Sep-12 23:51:14

As in literally the only people I know within a couple hundred mile radius of me are the mummy friends you find so sickening.

Just today I have organised playdates with two mummy friends, a big deal for me considering I may easily have been dead by now, and have received high rate dla for my anxiety.

Don't dissuade new mums from trying to make friends, it is cruel and unnecessary. I have a few very, very good friends met through the local toddler groups.

WorraLiberty Fri 28-Sep-12 23:52:29

I suppose if you look at it like that MsVestibule and Scheherezade

I've just never felt the need to make friends with people purely because we've given birth.

But having read your posts, I now see it's what some people actually need.

To me, having babies was just a natural thing and I carried on with my normal friendships despite the fact I was probably the first out of them all to have a baby.

WorraLiberty Fri 28-Sep-12 23:53:46

Alright Scheherezade calm down ffs.

I don't think you can call your situation typical so you might want to reign the anger in a tad?

Scheherezade Fri 28-Sep-12 23:56:47

It's not making friends just because you've given birth - that's the common factor in meeting people, but its once you get chatting that interests, personalities etc become a reason to meet up again etc. Same as making friends any other way - I wasn't friends with people at home or uni because we shared the same postcode, but because we got on well, had a laugh, etc.

Scheherezade Fri 28-Sep-12 23:59:00

It's not anger, just you used the word <boak> which to me implies being sick. I was just explaining why I disagree. You changed your mind (after I cross posted) which is fine. No hard feelings.

RosemaryHoyt Fri 28-Sep-12 23:59:26

I think perhaps not everyone (myself included) has quite such high self esteem as you, worra. The words "some people" "I've never felt the need" "what some people need" [but not me because I am so sorted] might make those of us who are a little less self confident feel a bit, well, crap.

WorraLiberty Sat 29-Sep-12 00:00:57

I didn't change my mind as such because I personally find 'Mummy friends' boak worthy.

However, I've realised that other people have good reason to actually seek other women out who have given birth and to want to be friends with them...and fair play to the lot of them if it helps.

WorraLiberty Sat 29-Sep-12 00:02:47

You're right Rosemary not everyone's the same.

However that doesn't mean I don't have the right to post what I think...the same as anyone who finds seeking Mummy friends comforting has the right to post that too.

arthurfowlersallotment Sat 29-Sep-12 00:03:44

I'm just waiting for the day that relaxin sets in on my beautiful, glamorous, successful, loaded mates..

[sits and waits with arms folded emoticon]


zipzap Sat 29-Sep-12 00:08:03

If you liked her and think she could be a nice friend - be straight with her - tell her that you feel offended and tricked by her about going to her house and then being bombarded by the holiday club stuff.

Say you're happy to be friends on the understanding that there is no mention of holiday club stuff (or any other pyramid selling schemes or other schemes that involve money or taking clothes off if you think Pickled Fanjo Cat's post has any truth to it!) and if she accepts then take it from there.

And if she does start to talk sales pitch instead of friend chat then point this out - if she stops, fine. If not, time to back away from the friendship!

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