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To think this is a heartless bastardish thing to do?

(180 Posts)
sillymoomoo Fri 28-Sep-12 22:18:11

My 'dp' of 3.5 years, doesn't live with us 'yet' have a ds (not together) but supposed to be a family. Ds is poorly and has woken up crying with a temperature and asked where dp is as he's normally here most nights, he's not here tonight so I said shall we ring him.

He won't answer his phone because he said his mates round having a fucking beer. He text me this so I told him ds was sick and wanted to say hello his response 'well he can't'.

I'm absolutely fuming, he's done things like this before but we've been ok for almost a year now and I thought we were past him being a childish little idiot. These guys are in their 30's not kids, his friend has his own son so why the hell wouldn't he speak to ds.

FunnysInLaJardin Fri 28-Sep-12 22:19:54

LTB, tis my advise. What a tosser

Icelollycraving Fri 28-Sep-12 22:21:59

Because he is a twat. Poor ds sad

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey Fri 28-Sep-12 22:23:04

He sounds like an arse.

BananaBubbles Fri 28-Sep-12 22:23:31

What an utter arse. You and your ds deserve better.

Scholes34 Fri 28-Sep-12 22:23:43

YABU - DS can cope without speaking to him right now.

wannabedomesticgoddess Fri 28-Sep-12 22:25:45

He is having his cake and eating it. Nice little family life with you, but when he wants to revert to singledom he has no "responsibility." (In his eyes anyway.)

You and your DS can do much much better.

corlan Fri 28-Sep-12 22:26:08

That's what's known as 'having your cake and eating it too' sillymoomoo.

AgentZigzag Fri 28-Sep-12 22:26:09

Him not wanting to come round is one thing, but to give you and your DS the fuck off like that is a shitty thing to do.

Why would he react like that, instead of texting something like 'awww poor little mite, give him a hug from me and tell him I'll be round XXXX. Let me know how he is won't you?'

Whole world of difference.

StuntGirl Fri 28-Sep-12 22:26:43

Sure he's with a friend?

Either way he sounds like a dick. Is he serious about your relationship?

apostropheuse Fri 28-Sep-12 22:26:50

Why doesn't he live with you yet? Does he say you're a "family" or do you say it, or do both of you?

He doesn't sound too committed to be honest.

Not sure what to say really other than if this isn't a new thing then perhaps he doesn't really want to be a step parent.

It's a bit strange that he wouldn't answer the phone when you rung too. Bizarre behaviour.

Uppermid Fri 28-Sep-12 22:27:44

Well if I were you he wouldn't be my dp right now

BananaBubbles Fri 28-Sep-12 22:28:01

Of course he'd 'survive',but it'd take the OP's dp a mere minute to say a few words to him. Her dp isn't in a meeting after all.He's only having a beer with friends.

Hope your poor boy feels better soon,Moomoo.

crackcrackcrak Fri 28-Sep-12 22:28:18

Sounds like a man child

Newlysingleandstuck Fri 28-Sep-12 22:29:59

He wouldn't be my dp either. If he hasn't fully stepped up by now he won't ever do it ime. Get shot now before you have a mortgage and divorce (and possibly more children) to sort out.

Scholes34 Fri 28-Sep-12 22:31:06

Probably says more about your relationship with dp than anything else.

brass Fri 28-Sep-12 22:32:49

so what are you doing with him?!

AgentZigzag Fri 28-Sep-12 22:37:34

What's happened in the year he's not been like this? Why suddenly start it up again?

Unless you haven't noticed he's been a twat and excused him, or it's just when he's really beered up or when he gets together with this friend?

Why now do you think OP?

Does he not want to talk to your DS after he's had a couple?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Fri 28-Sep-12 22:41:48

Sounds like there's more to this than just the fact that he's at a mates house having a beer. Because that's not awful is it?

sillymoomoo Fri 28-Sep-12 22:43:23

Yes of course ds will survive but what 'parent' would refuse to speak to their child. If I speak about ds as being my child he moans that he's our yet he does things like this and it's not the first time.

We don't live together, well it's a long story, he wouldn't commit, then we argued because he did twatty things like this so we gave it time for things to get better, which they had but now this.

He probably is with his friend yes, they are just that childish.

Basically this is how the conversation has gone.

I told him he was being disrespectful to ds and I by now answering to which he responded why am I saying that 'I'm not black' whatever that means, he told me to get a grip and I'm ruining his chances of seeing him tomorrow.

Tomorrow I guarantee he'll keep ringing saying he's sorry and he was just tired, stressed from work etc, etc. It's what he does.

And yes I know I should ltb, shame as I thought he'd grown up we've been getting on so well this year.

sillymoomoo Fri 28-Sep-12 22:45:38

He does things like this usually for 3 reasons, tiredness, he gets grumpy like a child, stress with work, and being with his mate as for some reason when they get together he turns into a teenage boy (actually that's being unfair to teenage boys), but he probably thinks his mate will think he's under the thumb or something if he coos over ds on the phone.

AgentZigzag Fri 28-Sep-12 22:51:35

Well, even when they are the dad, they can still behave in a shitty way and love the DC. It's good your DS doesn't know anything about how he's been, but it is worrying if that's how he thinks about your DS.

Is it typical of his behaviour or a one off? (over this last year)

If he's not making sense, is he shitfaced and not behaving like he normally would? Not an excuse, but a reason why he's 'not himself'.

apostropheuse Fri 28-Sep-12 22:52:40

Leave the bastard.

Seriously. He's an idiot and you shouldn't allow your son to be subjected to his mood swings.

Your son needs security and stability, which you're not getting with him.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Fri 28-Sep-12 22:55:02

You should leave him.

Forget you, think of your child. He doesn't need this unreliable twatbag in his life, he needs love and stability and to know that he can trust the people he has in his life.

PedanticPanda Fri 28-Sep-12 22:59:18

'im not black'

Wtf? confused, this guy sounds like an arsehole op, sorry to say that but he sounds like he is. When he said you're ruining his chances if seeing him tomorrow, what did he mean by that? Is he threatening not to see DS if you text him again?

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