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Hmmm to be concerned about my friend going on this blind date

(36 Posts)
BrevilleTron Fri 28-Sep-12 22:14:55

Ok bear with me.

My best friend (A) 23. Mother of 1 DS (4) currently single. Reasonable relationship with ExP.
Lives alone ( her, DS and cat)

Her Friend (B) 24. Mother of 1 DD (2)
Awful relationship with abusive emotional fuckwit who is not her DD's dad. Has had help to leave many times keeps going back etc exposing her DD to all kinds.

A is currently being pressured by B to go on a 'blind date' with a relative of her awful partner.
A photo has been sent ( of him) to A I've seen it. Not so much hit with ugly stick- more parachuted into ugly forest hit every branch on way down

AIBU to think this is RED FLAG central and that B seems to want to entice A to end up in the same awful kind of relationship that B is currently in in order to provide B with a constant shoulder to whinge on

I'm concerned that this relative may not be ideal but should she go on the date or dismiss it?
Fully prepared to be told AIBU

honeytea Fri 28-Sep-12 22:19:38

YABU with your ugly comment, I don't think that has anything to do with how much of a good DP he could be.

Very few families are all bed, the blind date guy may well be lovely. You need to trust your friend's judgement.

AgentZigzag Fri 28-Sep-12 22:20:51

I'm not sure it's fair to tar the bloke with the same brush as the abusive bloke tbh.

If family connections meant you were the same as them I'd be fucked grin

If he's a wanker, won't your friend see that for herself? You're being a good friend watching out for her, but unless she asks for advice (and even then I'd tread carefully) I would just keep an eye out for her.

But big lol at 'I've seen it. Not so much hit with ugly stick- more parachuted into ugly forest hit every branch on way down' grin

WinklyFriedChicken Fri 28-Sep-12 22:21:02

Yabu if you're this concerned just because he doesn't look like Ryan Reynolds. Do you have any cause to be concerned about his character? Having a questionable relative isn't necessarily a cause for concern; every family has a black sheep & less conventionally attractive people deserve to go on dates too.

AgentZigzag Fri 28-Sep-12 22:22:24

Sorry honey <guilty> I thought the same as you that he might be a really nice person, and if looks were what you should go on I'm fresh out.

But it did sound funny grin

spondulix Fri 28-Sep-12 22:22:40

Why don't you trust Friend A to make her own mind up? Is she not a good judge of character? Why do you think that the man is unsuitable, because he's ugly or because he shares a family tree with your friend's DP?

I have the odd dodgy relative, fortunately no one has excluded me from social situations because of it!

BrevilleTron Fri 28-Sep-12 22:23:40

Cool thanks Honeytea.
My friend is also slightly concerned.
The ugly comment is just in my opinion but I'm told he looks just like B's abusive partner so that may well be colouring my judgment.
It's good to get your opinion thank you for responding smile

DameKewcumber Fri 28-Sep-12 22:24:06

what he looks like is irrelevant, at least certainly to you! Yes I would be concerned about a blind date being arranged by someone with questionable relationship judgement.

But hell she's all growed up now and presumably she doesn;t need your permission to date - and if its "ideal" you want for her, she'll be single a loooong time.

honeytea Fri 28-Sep-12 22:25:05

I actually think there is a better chance that he will be a nice guy, maybe lots of people have overlooked him due to his less than perfect looks.

I allways say go for the the gawky or shy guys, they are often lovely but overlooked smile

BrevilleTron Fri 28-Sep-12 22:29:10

Thanks guys. These are good points and we may be tarring with the brush.
We have a plan.
She will go on the date in order to give him a fair chance. Should we get a sniff of wanker she will text me and I will call with Bafta winning performance in tears desperately needing her.

Yes I was BU

ihearsounds Fri 28-Sep-12 22:29:41

Your friend is all grown up now, and capable of making her own choices. If she wants to go on a blind date, regardless of how he looks cos looks never fade that is entirely her choice. If she doesn't want to go, then she doesn't.

honeytea Fri 28-Sep-12 22:30:14

Good plan OP smile

DameKewcumber Fri 28-Sep-12 22:35:26

she doesn;t need to text you - you ring her at set time and depending on what she says - you can either create an emergency (babysitter has thyphoid?) or just be calling about coffee tomorrow.

BrevilleTron Fri 28-Sep-12 22:48:17

Dame I love the typhoid. Can just imagine now
" tears.... Come back ... The cat has Ebola and the budgie has trashed the house...sobs"

WorraLiberty Fri 28-Sep-12 22:54:27

She must find the guy's photo attractive or she wouldn't be going...and just because one member of a family is a wanker it doesn't mean they all are.

I don't know what you're worried about because if he turns out to be a total knob jockey, he's unlikely to reveal that during the date.

BrevilleTron Fri 28-Sep-12 23:05:34


When asked what do you do the reply was

I've been in prison for two years but everybody makes mistakes and I'm a kind hearted guy really.


WorraLiberty Fri 28-Sep-12 23:06:55

I'm not getting why you need help OP?

BrevilleTron Fri 28-Sep-12 23:11:25

Does the above statement change anything
I'm feeling uneasy now. My friend and I are both here together and wondering if the prison thing changes anything. Asking for opinions if you would go on a date with a guy who had been in prison for two years.
We don't know why but do we ( she) need to know?

OldLadyKnowsNothing Fri 28-Sep-12 23:11:57

Ooookkkaaaayyyy, what was he in for? Anything related to violence and it's a big, fat "fuck off".

WorraLiberty Fri 28-Sep-12 23:14:50

No it still doesn't change the fact that your friend is free to decide whether she wants to go on this date or refuse.

Jeez you're both making a mountain out of a molehill

Tell her to go or don't go, the bloke's probably not fussed either way.

BrevilleTron Fri 28-Sep-12 23:27:38

Thanks Worra we are well underway with the mountain but planning permission has now been revoked.
She is texting him and is impressed with his honesty. The two years was for driving offences how bloody fast was he going

mysonsasaint Fri 28-Sep-12 23:33:09

Look, ask your friend to come on here and ask the question herself, if she's really interested.

No way on god's green earth would I go on a blind date with a man who'd been in prison for two years, and a great big hmm face to that being for driving offences.

mysonsasaint Fri 28-Sep-12 23:36:04

driving offences and penalties

OldLadyKnowsNothing Fri 28-Sep-12 23:42:25

According to mysons' link, he caused death.

BrevilleTron Fri 28-Sep-12 23:43:21

She is sat here with me but as I am a regular poster I just popped on to ask. Thank you for the link. Does the ban time equate to prison time or just the ban.
I've advised if she does decide to go to do it in a public place.
She is unsure but wary of tarring with brush.
I've given her my opinion but that's why we have asked because we value yours and all the other posters opinions too.

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