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to tell ex-h to go away and come back at arranged time?

(3 Posts)
Jules666 Fri 28-Sep-12 09:45:01

I probably wont as don't want an upset DS(8). Ex-h usually has our sons Tuesday and Thursday after school and is due to have them again on Saturday. This week he's been on holiday with his girlfriend so missed both Tues and Thurs although phoned DS's (at my prompting before he went). He was in this country at 3 different places each a couple of hours away from here. (And very wet places as well!!) so didn't have to go for the full week if he didn't want to miss seeing them.

He spoke to DS(8) yesterday to tell him he'd be back sometime today and would come to see him when he got back. DS told me this after he'd rung off.

I'm tempted to tell him to go away and come back tomorrow as arranged as I'm fed up of him treating me like I don't count and arranging things with DS's without consulting me. Things like once telling DS(10) that he would see him the following week on the Weds instead of Thurs as he had plans for the Thurs. I was in the same room at the time but he never checked with me whether it would be ok for me.

There's lots of other examples. Things like when he comes to collect the boys I usually let them answer the door. He'll come into the house and ignore me and just speak to the boys. If we have to take the boys to any appointment he'll drive but will ask the boys which one wants to sit in the front so I'm in the back which isn't always great for me as I can get travel sick.

It's been so nice not seeing him this week and to be honest not looking forward to him coming into the house and rubbing it in about where's he's been.

So should I just suck it up?

Jules666 Fri 28-Sep-12 09:45:54

Should add that DS(8) has been saying all week that he's been missing him. DS(10) isn't bothered. Hasn't even wanted to speak to him when he phoned.

mistlethrush Fri 28-Sep-12 09:50:51

Sounds as though you need to get some rules starting to work.

I would be 'out' with the boys doing something nice when he expects to see them when its not 'his' contact time. I would not let him in the house - have the boys ready and shoo them out of the door when he arrives. I wouldn't drive to appointments with him unless there's no other way of getting yourself and the boys there - however, you can't expect to work like a normal couple if you do travel in the same car - for him his priorities are the children, so I can understand why you get to sit in the back.

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