Starting to wonder if it's actually me.....

[scorpionne]

I have 3 dcs and work part-time. The dcs are all at school but do various sports/clubs so I am pretty busy. DH works away a lot and isn't around much to help although he does what he can when he can. I find that I have to be quite organised and plan ahead if we want to do anything extra. Of course it's nice to be spontaneous but as our week is quite full anyway if we don't arrange things quite carefully a lot of things will never happen.

But, I'm finding that I seem to be the only one who thinks like this and everyone around me will make plans, then change or cancel them at the last minute. I find this extremely annoying for several reasons.

This is the latest one - DD1 (11) had been asking for a sleepover with a girl from her class so I sent a text to the mum last Monday asking if Friday or Saturday would be any good. She said either would be fine, and asked if the older sister could also come, as she has no friends and is feeling lonely. I agreed as I feel sorry for the girl, even though it's a bit inconvenient as it means moving DD2 into my room for the night. Anyway. DD has been looking forward to it all week. Last night I received a text - "sorry, the girls can't sleepover as they have music lessons on Saturday morning". Didn't she know about that already? DD is so disappointed. She doesn't get sleepovers all that often as I have 3 dcs to consider and don't have the energy to do it every weekend.

So many things like this have happened over the last few months with different people and different situations. This one is particularly annoying as DH and me were invited to a 40th birthday tonight but we sent apologies as the sleepover had already been planned and I thought it wasn't fair to have the girls over then leave them with a babysitter. We won't be able to get one in time now I don't think.

Is this normal and I'm being too inflexible? Give me your honest opinion!

[FloppyWire]

YANBU. People are scatty and it pisses me off royaly.

[scorpionne]

I just don't understand whay she agreed to Friday when I also offered Saturday? Anyway, I phoned her as DD was upset this morning and she agreed to let the girls sleepover after all. She wanted to come over and just let them stay up late instead, but I stood my ground and said I didn't want my younger dcs up too late as DS has sport in the morning. I thought it was sorted and she has just now sent a message saying why doesn't my DD go to theirs instead? Aaaarrggh! We could have gone out tonight if she'd said that on Monday!

[EmmaNemms]

I bloody hate it too - I think new technology encourages it, much easier to let people down if you don't have to look in the whites of their eyes! It's a personal thing of mine, not to mess anyone around unless its absolutely unavoidable and I try up teach my children the same thing.

[EmmaNemms]

I don't always think its scatty, sometimes it's just some people assuming that their needs are necessarily more important than other people's. I'm very old fashioned on this!

[Growlithe]

It's a weird thing to do. I wonder if there is some other issue going on that they don't want to admit? Maybe one of them is anxious about sleeping away from home?

[Laquitar]

I agree with Emma that it's not always about being 'scatty' but about being selfish. Maybe she wanted to do what suits her. I think the way to go with people like this is to say when she changed her mind; 'sorry i've now made other plans' otherwise she will do it again.

[baskingseals]

yanbu at all, not one tiny bit.

next time, offer no choice. would the girls like to come on saturday, and please let me know as i need to make arrangements.

foot down.

what also annoys me about people like this, is quite apart from the grief it causes you, what message is it giving to their own dc?

[scorpionne]

Ok thanks, I feel a bit better knowing it's not just me! I think the mum would have said if there were any issues about sleeping over - she is very direct. I would have been happy for DD to go to their house, but she needed to say so before today! Anyway I've replied saying it would be good if we could stick to the original plan as I don't want DS up too late if they just come over and stay late as he has sport early in the morning. I've made up beds so let's see....

It is annoying because I think many people would have cancelled plans to go to the 40th party, but I feel that if you agree to something, unless something massive comes up, or someone is ill, you stick to it. The party is not a really close friend, and there will be plenty of people there, but still, I don't get out all that much and would have quite liked to go!

Me and DH invited about 10 people over for dinner a couple of months ago and one couple cancelled on the day because there was an important footie match on! What????

[ElectricMonk]

Perhaps I'm reading too much into this, but do you think there's a chance that one of the girls has got her period and is worried about leaking/needing to change and dispose of sanpro during the night? It seems like the mum is trying in a very cack-handed way to address some kind of concern about them spending the night away from home and, considering their age, it seems like the most obvious explanation. That would make her behaviour more understandable but bad form nonetheless, so YANBU .

[puds11]

YANBU, however i have to dive in and say that i do sometimes do this, but its because i suffer with anxiety and depression, and some days i just cannot do the things i have committed to. This also involves not wanting to be without my DD sometimes.

Its not always just because people are arseholes.

[scorpionne]

Hmm yes I suppose there could be more to it but I would hope I'm approachable enough to just tell the truth. It's not that simple though I suppose. Well, the plan is that they will come here as planned. At the moment.

[olgaga]

It's a pain, I am usually very organised but having to balance more and more stuff re DDs school/activities/friends/ on top of work/medical/dental appointments etc makes me feel like a gibbering wreck sometimes. You only need one unforeseen event or cancellation and it's like a line of dominoes.

puds is right, it's not always just because people are arseholes - but whatever the reason it can cause mayhem.

Sorry to say, I don't know what the answer is!

[puds11]

Yup, i don't even tell my family real reasons im afraid.