To really wonder where MIL gets her information(54 Posts)
Since having DS, MIL has treated me to a wealth of parenting gems tha are presented to me as indisputable facts, to be ignored at my peril. They make me laugh as they are so random and swing wildly from one school of parenting to the next. a few examples.
Baby must stay in arms for sleeps till 6 months, then left to CIO in cot as soon as the six months are up (shock to the system much?)
Television is fine. Toys that light up are not.
Jars of food are the work of the devil. Cow & Gate, only Cow & Gate, in times of emergency. The new-style pouches are the devil in organic clothing, they haven't got enough nutritional research behind them.
Don't sing to baby. It will delay their speech. Talk only
Oh I've probably outed myself anyway!
Anyone else have this?
I had: baby should be weighed before their (four-hourly) feed, fed for 10 mins each side then reweighed and topped up with bottle if she hadn't but on exactly four ounces. That's how breastfeeding was conducted in her day.
It iwas my fault the baby had wind because I was seen to drink a glass of fizzy water before feeding.
Oh my god, DS would have been on the scales all bloody day! And hate to think what she'd have said about my coke habit (ahem as in
'not Pepsi', not as in 'not heroin')
What my MIL does is say really obvious stuff, really authorititively, like a) she gets to tell me what to do, and b) I wouldn't have thought of that already.
i.e. we are only giving DS2 food at meal times now and he gets nothing inbetween to encourage him to eat properly. answer "OK, but then you MUST NOT feed him between meals!!!!!!!!!!!
(she is lovely really)
When I got pregnant with my first we gave both sets of grandparents a book written by a mother and daughter about how guidelines had changed in the last 30 years and various other useful information. We got a lot less daft comments than most of my friends did.
my mil told dh that its illegal to rear face a car seat after 9 months
My mil was shocked when I said, when pregnant, we needed a car seat for dd1. "don't be silly dear, they are much safer if you hold them"! Even when I explained car seats are a legal necessity, she scoffed.
Bloody Nora at singing slows down talking and weigh baby before and after every feed ! Utterly barking mad......
My MIL is generally quite reasonable, but currently has a bee in her bonnet about us reusing dd1's stuff for soon-to-be-born dd2. Apparently we MUST treat her as a person in her own right, and this means buying new toys, clothes etc. Also it's dreadful that I'll only be getting the (roughly 4 week old) baby a token present for xmas. Hmm.
Don't sing to baby. It will delay their speech. Talk only
I love it! Hundreds of years of traditional lullabies down the tube!
I've been very lucky with my in-laws who will tell us how things were in their day more as a matter of interest than as any sort of instruction they think we should follow. They may not approve of any of the things we do but they would never comment.
My mother took a grandparenting course before the birth of her first grandchild and I strongly suspect the main takeaway from the course was "Times have changed and you don't know jack".
When I was breast feeding and got engorged Mil said that I should drain all of my milk away because being engorged meant that the milk had gone off and would upset babies stomach
She also nagged me because I didn't give my Dc any cool boiled water when breast feeding!
My Mother thought that an 18 day old baby should have been asleep in a carrycot not a car seat on the 250 nmile journey to see her - car seats give babies wind because they are not lying flat.....
My Dutch MIL did the weighing before and after feeding thing too, to see how much milk the baby had taken.
She doesnt speak English so I just smile and nod when she comments to DH how much things have changed since her day! Wonderful get out clause!
Saying to mother or mil or any older mother' times have changed and you don't know jack' is as stupid as an older mother giving unasked 'advice'.
This is an age old conundrum, listen to older mums, take or not take the advice, experience offered and make sure you are happy with your parenting.
Not really a huge deal is it??
Pets should be rehomed prior to having the baby
Babies should never be allowed to get dirty
These are great
I am very very lucky with my DM and MIL lives 300 miles away
Although DM and DF do keep giving 10 mo DS ice cream because "his tooth was hurting" I don't mind though - they are bloody brilliant so I let it go
I recently heard 'don't touch a baby's feet, it could make them have convulsions'!
That wasn't from someone elderly, it was from a woman who has two small children, who was 'advising' a friend of mine.
I don't think this is to do with 'times changing' (except very obvious ones like sleeping on the back/front) - it's the way that all sorts of funny superstitions build up.
"Babies should never be allowed to get dirty"
HAHAHAHA - hear that, DD, you little poo monster?
My DM said: "why don't you give him some real milk?" meaning formula rather than breast feeding.
on arriving at my father and step mother's house, some 480 miles away, she was very cross that we were an hour later than she imagined we would be,
we hadn't given a time,as it's a long journey,and we had a three month old, two toddlers, and a, twelve year old, I had just arranged with dad to phone when we an hour away,
she was very cross we weren't earlier, I explained we had had to stop a few times to breast feed and nappy change she was very angry and told me that I should of just taken the baby out of it's car seat and breast fed in the car, and that was what she had done with her children, and why the hell couldn't I.
Mil told me not to bf a newborn in the night as it sets a bad precedent....idiot!
Doctors were though of as Gods and doctors gave these instructions out to women.
Mostly they were paid to by the baby formula etc companies and got everyone to live to suit a certain agenda.
You could not have had mere women thinking they knew more than their 'betters' and that they could trust their instincts and care for/feed their babies etc.
Couple that with a lack of education about anything that didn't suit a work ethic/role in society or religion agenda and we have this pearls of wisdom ingrained forever.
My mum came out with some total humdingers when I was going through IVF treatment. She thought we stored our frozen embryos in our kitchen freezer. "Oh, could you get some peas out? They're beside the pizza and just below the embryos, ta."
My mum sadly missed out on the opportunity to give me all the advice she'd been given - MIL wasn't too bad the first time around although, as a now-retired nurse, she favours the "if it's not hanging off or gushing blood everywhere then it's ok" school of thought so probably thought I was/am somewhat paranoid. I expect she'll be ok this time around as well - but she's pretty on the ball and knows that I have Strong Ideas of my own so mostly lets me get on with it.
I do tend to just nod and smile a lot when other people give me advice. I do also massively appreciate having the internet available to read up on some of the utterly incredible things that people used to believe - like babies don't feel pain so they were operated on without anaesthetic; and babies don't sweat - well mine bloody well did and still does! I expect the new one will too.
Mind you - having Strong Ideas of one's own does tend to make me a bit sniffy about some of the things I see other mums doing - like my sister letting her youngest suck on baby wipes, for e.g. <<shudder>>
my 'advice' never really came from a mil but my own mum and said advice is subject to change on a daily whim. i love my mum very much but used to get very upset about this untill i lernt to ignore it.thankfully shes stopped it now but gems we have had are...
its selfish not to breast feed (when sil had a dc and got a nasty breast infection it then changed) to bottle feeding is so much better then at times going as far as(subsiquent dc's of mine) 'this is not about the babies needs its your needs and thats why you are still breast feeding at 6 months'.
its lazy to use disposable nappies they are dreadfull for babies bums.then (sils baby came along) disposables are so much easyer thesedays what a faff it was in my day, (then after my ds baby and my dc's) reusables are the devils work your house/child will stink nappy rash will be dreadfull.
you cannot possibly expect dc to sleep through the night at 1 shes a baby(then after my siblings dc's arrived) omg xyz's dc were sleeping through at birth why isant your dc.
car seats/safety gates are stupid inventions that should only be used by thick people who cant look after there dc's correctly. these days her house is bloody full of safety gates (other young gc's) and she wouldnt let me drive my neice less than a mile on private land in my professionally fitted car seat that is intended for her age group.
why do you want all that baby equipment you dont need it (a travel cot) dc can sleep in a drawer when visiting.nowadays its, where on earth will the baby sleep why do you only have 1 bag when i turned up with a tiny popup travel nest.
from my youngests other gm i constantly have to listen to stating the bloody obvious i actually dream about politly explaining to her that there are only 5 years age difference between the two of us and she only has 1 dc and some very questionable parenting habbits i have lots of kids and whilst parenting is obviously subjective so far ive not done badly where as she admits she went wrong badly and her dc has significant issues as a result.
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