AIBU to tell my FIL that i have an overactive thyroid because he keeps on about my weight?(30 Posts)
I am tall and very slim, have always been slim but in the last year I have lost about 10lbs due to taking up exercise. Becuase of the weight loss I got myself checked out by GP just to make sure everything ok, and she gave me a clean bill of health, said that I was probably just burning it all off due to busy life with 5 young kids and regular exercise.
However, my FIL, who is a nice man btw and we get on well, has mentioned my weight twice recently in front of other people and it has embarrassed me, (and the other people) even though I laughed it off at the time. On both occasions, we were out for dinner with PILs and some of my DH's siblings and partners. He blurted out across the table in front of everyone and said "Irish I just have to say this, you are too too thin, you need to put on some weight, would you not just put on some weight!"
I was mortified, and a bit upset and annoyed, but I didnt show it and instead made a joke to pass it off.
The second occasion we were meeting PIL, and my MIL's two sisters for a bit to eat in a local pub. He came in with them, we all sad hello, the he put his hands on my shoulders, and shook his head and said "You're too thin you really are, you've got to start eating'" to which I replied, half laughing half exasperrated " I do eat, a lot actually, " and he then said, "well then you need to stop doing something then" - which I take was to mean exercising.
Just to be clear, I DO NOT diet, eat 3 meals a day, and snacks in between, plus chocolate at night time. I deny myself nothing. I dont want to give up my daily walks along the beach as I really enjoy the fresh air and exercise and tit boosts my mood.
Also, much as I am fond of PIL, I am getting fed up with this. He himself is and has been overweight for the 17 years i have known him. He never exercises, and drives literally everywhere, would drive for eg to the end of his road (around 300yards) just to visit someone. Also both my PILs are a bit obsessed with other peoples weight. They comment on other peoples weight a lot, especially if people have put on a lot. They will criticise that. Yet they consider any women under a size 12 to be anorexic looking.
How should I handle this in a respectful, but firm way? Am thinking of telling them I have an overactive thyroid just to get PIL off my back, as then he might accept my figure, because nothing is going to convince him that i am not starving myself!
Tell him the GP said you're perfectly healthy, and you'd prefer if he'd stop commenting as you find it embarrassing.
Repeat as necessary.
Yes Someone, though I suspect he would dismiss the GP's opinion, but regardless, I should tell him it is embarrassing me. I hate the thought of even having to have this sort of convo with him though, hate awkwardness.
Everytime he says something to you make a 'jokey' comment in return about his weight.
Don't tell him about the thyroid because then you'll never hear the end of that one.
he's out of order to discuss your weight and he does not have to accept your figure, you're the only one who has to do that!
tell him to your body's not up for discussion.
You need to firmly tell him that it is embarrassing when he brings up your weight all the time. Tell him you are a healthy weight and happy the way you are and will not change.
He is being rude, but I reckon it's probably in an older generation kind of way, I bet he doesn't mean to piss you off and it's just meant as a joke, albeit not in the slightest bit funny or witty.
My FIL called me the wrong name for years , I'll use an example, not my real name! Francesca full title - everyone calls me 'Chesca'. He called me Frank for years. DH and I gave up correcting him. Then he used to say 'oooh, did I disturb you young lovers' if he called and the bedroom curtains were closed if DH or I were sleeping (shift workers) He thought it was hilarious. It wasn't.
Inappropriate, and it annoyed the hell out of me, but he is a sweet
It will be awkward but you need to say something and you shouldn't have to lie.
Criticizing on a persons weight in public is not on.
My DGran is like this. I have been underweight and overweight and all she every talked about was eating and dieting whenever I visited her. I had to tell her to stop.
Can your DH have a word with his dad?
The thing is, in a way is is right, that I do look to thin, I need to put on about half a stone, and am trying to do so by eating good fat, avocadoes, nuts etc added to my normal diet. In the meantime though, at least my GP has done blood test etc and confirmed nothing untoward, and she can only point to my lifestyle and high metabolism to explain weight loss.
But I am trying to gain a bit as I already feel self conscious about it and know that I would look better and less gaunt in the face with a few extra pounds.
But his comments just upset me and make me feel worse about myself.
I just though if i could give him a medical reason for the weight loss then he might stop implying that I am starving myself or am anorexic.
Sorry about the typos, typing in a hurry before nursery run!
I guess it is generational. But its bad enough that he comments, but the fact he does it in front of everyone else makes it worse too.
It sounds like you have a really good attitude towards your health.
If your FIL has a problem with your weight that's his problem, You're GP has said you are fine and that's all the advice you need.
You shouldn't have to lie to get him to stop, he should respect you enough not to do it anymore if you tell him it bothers you.
You never know! He could be very apologetic and is just worried about you because he cares.
You don't have to give him any 'reason'! I really would just start making fat comments every time he does it but that's just me
Is it at all possible that he's making an awkward attempt to compliment you? Not that I'm saying you shouldn't challenge him, if his remarks are embarrassing you, but it might be easier to approach him if you come from a viewpoint of assuming he's giving you a back-handed compliment, rather than just being mean.
I agree with MumsGo - you don't need to scrabble for a reason to justify your weight and you don't need to excuse it on the grounds that there's something 'wrong' with you. If he's surrounded by a lot of people who are a little, or a lot overweight it will make you appear even slimmer in his eyes.
Maybe he'll get bored of it soon - maybe do absolutely nothing to react, and he'll stop.
How about, "You know what FIL, I think you have a point. You come and spend the afternoon running around looking after my children and doing the housework and I'll just sit on my arse and conserve calories!"
One of my favorite comments for unsolicited medical advice is "that's not what my doctor says, where did you get your medical degree from?"
Might not work for your FIL though!
I don't know what it is with elderly people, they have such a hang-up about other peoples weight. My FIL is the same, the first thing to come out of his mouth is " you've put on weight", so bloody rude! I said to him "at least I'm not going bald" that shut him up. Just say to him change the record, your becoming boring.
Next time he makes a comment say "is this your way of offering to babysit as you can see how run off my feet I am with 5 kids since I'm so thin?"
Laughing my head off at some of these suggestions, you've certainly cheered me up.
If I wasnt so fond of him i would find it easier to come back with a bolshy retort. But i know that he means well and is just genuinely concerned, I just wish he would keep his concerns to himself or at least not voice them in company with others.
I wish I had your problem! I have the opposite: hypothyroidism (underactive) and cannot seem to lose weight easily .
Tell him nicely that you get embarrased and don't want him talking about your weight in front of others.
YABU- you don't owe him an explanation for your weight!
Older people are like this. My relatives are always trying to feed me up for no apparent reason. Just tell him he's embarrassing you and you don't want to hear that kind of criticism.
And then chillax... most people would love to manage be as healthy and slim as yourself
My DF's friends/family all grew up on rations. To them being thin was also sign of poverty. If you had thin DC you were shamed. I know times have changed but it does sound like a (albeit misplaced) way of caring about you. I would accept how he is, he has been him many years and being 'firm' with him seems unnecessary. If you are happy with yourself, others comments don't hurt. Besides which you are trying to gain weight, so why not just say that, if you really must say anything at all. My choice would be to say "I'm happy thanks, can we talk about something else"
But i know that he means well and is just genuinely concerned, I just wish he would keep his concerns to himself or at least not voice them in company with others.
say that to him.
It sounds to me that he really loves you and is displaying his concern for your well-being in a super-clumsy way. I would just say to him that his comments have embarrassed you and that you've been to the GP and all is well. And that you appreciate that he's not trying to hurt you but it's making you fret.
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